What goes on inside a woman's mind? I'll never be sure, even though I am a woman! We are complicated, that's for sure. We're sensitive. We take things personally. We are competitive with other women. We don't want another woman having more than us; More beauty, more money, more boyfriends. We are defensive of ourselves. If it seems a woman is having it all, we are jealous of them. We find excuses to fall out with them.
I hear stories day in and day out about women best friends falling out with each other. I've even experienced it myself as I shared in a previous blog. You have to wonder what happens to these women? They have been best friends for life! You know the type, they tell each other everything, they laugh at the same things, they love each other's company and they go everywhere together. But when the big fallout happens, that love soon turns to hate.
I suppose us women drive each other crazy at times, especially if we spend all of our free time with them. We're sure to irritate each other. I have also experienced times in the past, when other women friends had irritated me and I would judge them, blame them for the irritation. Something about them bugged me. I would take no responsibility at all for my own selfish behavior, maybe wanting everything my own way?
I also think our expectations of our woman friends are too high. We depend on them too much. Somehow, we forget that they are only human and they make mistakes in friendships just like us.
I also don't think that we are truly honest with them either and that's a big problem. We sometimes go along with things that might not suit us. If we seem to be doing everything that the other woman friend wants to do, it will inevitably cause trouble, at the very least, unhappiness in the friendship.
When our women friends behave in a way that you may think is stupid or out of line and you criticize them for it, you are not allowing for that person to be who she is. You start to judge her. You compare her to you and all of a sudden you think your way might be better than hers and the little annoying things she does, begin to develop into huge things that really bother you about her. You of course begin to hold resentment towards her and don't speak to her about it. After all, how can you say anything to her? It's not really any of your business how she behaves in life, until one day, something totally irrelevant happens that you can say something about and all hell breaks loose.
She chooses the same color dress as you for an important occasion! That's all it takes. It doesn't matter if the dress is completely different. It doesn't matter if you're prettier, smarter, richer than your friend. You've had it! You don't care if that color suits your friend better than the other colors. You forget all of the fun times and memories that you have shared together and you go in for the kill. You lose your head completely and you throw in how hurt YOU feel. (Notice you don't care how she feels?) You'll never be able to forgive her so you dump your friendship. You're done with her. You just can't take anymore of her.
Your devastated girlfriend has no idea what's happening.
'Is this all because of a dress?' She wonders sadly.
How many other people are effected by this same dress? The relevant families, siblings and other long time friends are all now taking sides and avoiding each other.
The rift grows too far apart to repair.
So are we women dishonest? Shallow?
We need to search deep inside our minds to work these issues out. We really need to think the issue through and own our stuff, acknowledge if we are being unreasonable. I think we all know when we are being unreasonable and stubborn and if we don't, we need to concentrate hard. If we accept our own responsibility for our own dishonesty in the friendship, we'll be able to accept that a lot of the issues that bothered us about our female friends were caused by ourselves. Because while we were laughing and giggling and playing around, we didn't express our real self to our friends. We women are always aiming for our own perfection. We don't express that we are weak and needy at times.
So, we may feel we've been hard done by, because we feel we deserve more from our friend. After all, aren't we doing stuff for her that we don't want too?
Does she know this? Is she a mind reader?
Don't dump her, talk to her!
Jean xxx
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