Mother of the groom

When my oldest child 25, and only son announced that he and his beautiful girlfriend were to get married in a year, I was delighted. Every Mother's dream is to have a wedding in the family. A time for you to show off your beautiful child, now a man, to all your family and friends. A chance to welcome  your future daughter in law into our vast network of people. She will now be part of this huge group of aunts, uncles and cousins. She will be the first grand daughter in law to the proud granny, still young enough to see her first grandson walk down the isle into his new life as a husband.
It's a wonderful affair by all accounts. Everybody loves to see a young couple so in love make a commitment to share their life together. Their dreams, their wishes and hopes of a life that is just for each other, oblivious to the challenges that lie ahead for them as a couple, but for now, just simple bliss.
The first job as a pending Mother in law is to stand back. Wait to be invited into any help needed or instruction. To be fair, I have enough planning of my own in preparation for 'The Wedding'. My house needs a good overhaul and I have less than a year to do it.
There's the outfits for myself and my two girls to plan which of course will be a very enjoyable occasion for us girls as we like any other ladies like to shop for a special event. Granny will be included, all my sisters will be included, the nieces will be included and the girl friends will be included.
I have also suggested that The Mother of the Bride come along. I think it's a good idea that we know what each of us are wearing. I want to wear something really nice but I obviously don't want to stand out in the wrong way.  I think this is where a stylish hat can come in. It can make a statement, but in the right way.
 We are all really excited about this and are planning a night in The Westin Hotel Dublin on one Friday evening so that we can enjoy the day shopping for our 'guna nua' and possibly a venture into the Philip Treacy department!
I will also be planning the traditional pre wedding night in the house for the neighbours', which will include lots of food, drink and laughter. I will officially introduce my future daughter in law and her family to our lot. This will have to be planned really well,  as I don't want to overlap with the many things the Mother of the Bride and indeed the Bride and Groom have to do in the run up to the wedding.
So all that's left is 'The List'. Now, anyone who knows me will know that I like to include everyone I know in all my events. I like people, so it's easy for me to chat and mix. My Dad was very social also. He loved nothing better than a big gathering. My husband is not as easy with social gatherings and neither is our son. He's a quiet lad. Quite odd. He's afraid that he'll have to socialize at his wedding and talk to the masses that I hope to invite. To be fair, we have a big lot on our side that my son wants me to quarter!
 But, (And here's my but, you knew it was coming!) there's an etiquette to a wedding that young people today think can be eliminated. Us parents have a loyalty to our friends and family. We have built up business relationships that can't be ignored at our very first special social occasion. There are certain people we have to and want to share in our only son's special day. This is what I'm most worried about at the moment.
Of course, I don't want to worry the young couple. I want to reassure them that as their parents, we will help them through the most important social gathering of their lives. We will look after their guests. We will take care of any issue on the day.
We will shine as their parents. This is what we've been waiting for.
A chance to show 'A job well done!'

jean murray: 'Everything's gonna be ok....'

jean murray: 'Everything's gonna be ok....': Thankfully, I'm feeling better this morning. As a person who suffers with depression, I've learned a lot about myself in the past th...

'Everything's gonna be ok....'

Thankfully, I'm feeling better this morning. As a person who suffers with depression, I've learned a lot about myself in the past three years. I'm aware of myself, my needs and what upsets me. So, I now know how to take care of my mind and my body. I obviously work very hard on my mind to help it be spiritual and positive and that's very important for mental health. I know I have to eat, sleep, exercise and that's really important  for mental health also. I also have to value myself and that's something I didn't do in my 48 years of life. So then it's easy for other people not to value me or maybe take me for granted. So now, I'm changing. I really have to stand up for myself and my value. Don't get me wrong, I'm not prancing around like a peacock holding my stance. I'm doing it with grace, with respect, (well I hope I am!) because I'm aware that shouting my head off resentfully about all of my changes will not help me or anyone else for that matter and it would also show that I haven't changed at all!
 That said, not many people like change. They like the old way, I guess it was easier for them. So, when I receive negative reactions back. It hurts.
Being part of a large enough family brings a lot of responsibility on how you are in that family. Mother, daughter, sister, wife, aunty. Of course, I don't always get it right, in fact, it sometimes seems like I always get it wrong!  When I'm wrong, when I hurt someone, it hurts me too.
It takes a lot out of me. I whip myself emotionally. And the negativity eats in on my healthy mind and I begin to feel ill. I feel the anxiety in my tummy. I feel panic. I feel fear. I'm unable to function normally.
But, I am not on my own now while I'm doing this. I'm aware that I have asked God for help during my emotional crisis and I haven't felt as bad as I would've in the past. I was able to compartmentalize the problem or problems and put them in perspective. It's not the end of the world when I make a mistake. It's a small issue. It can be sorted. I can learn from it. I accept my responsibility, apologize to affected person or people and to myself for causing myself hurt and anguish and then I can move on.
I spent a peaceful day yesterday in the beautiful sunshiny day in Donabate yesterday. I walked my dogs and I took in the beauty all around me.
 It's been a tough couple of weeks and I'm still feeling a bit shaky, but I know it's going to be ok.

jean murray: I'm struggling

jean murray: I'm struggling: Sometimes I find my life very difficult. And I'm not thinking of ending it or anything, I'm in a much healthier mental place than be...

I'm struggling

Sometimes I find my life very difficult. And I'm not thinking of ending it or anything, I'm in a much healthier mental place than before I wrote my book 'My Beautiful flower'.  I practice my gratitude and positivity each morning which really helps. But I am around people who are surrounded with negativity and resentment and it drags me down. I think I'm handling it fairly well. I know there is little I can do to get them to release their minds from negativity and resentments, if they don't want to let go, face the problems they are encountering because of their negativity, but it pains me.
I realized over the past couple of years how negativity can really hold you back. Ok, being positive that you are going to win the lotto is not going to make you win, but being positive that you can be better, your life can be better, you can improve your circumstances, will boost your morale.
 And that really works.
I certainly believe God gives us the path we need. To find the way through the maze that will make us better people, to work on each area of our imperfect personality before we are ready to go to Heaven.
 I take a long time completing jigsaws. I don't cheat, I don't easily find the missing pieces or indeed the way out of the maze. And as I'm writing this, I realize that this is my challenge.
And I have to keep on going. And I have to keep on trying.
I can see the fruits of my hard work on my two beautiful girls. I'm proud of my parenting skills on these two. That's when I realized that God's angels were guiding me, helping me.
 That's when I opened my eyes and saw.
I know I failed my older child. I was always too busy then to bond.
 I live with that loss every day.

jean murray: The terrible thing about face book!

jean murray: The terrible thing about face book!: It's all very well catching up on face book with friends, but when you get into the private chatting it can be really good until you mak...

The terrible thing about face book!

It's all very well catching up on face book with friends, but when you get into the private chatting it can be really good until you make a mistake.
 I like writing chat because you can choose your words carefully and it's a good way of keeping in contact with those of whom you no longer have the time or opportunity to visit.
As we all know family and friends can annoy us at times, like we can annoy or upset them. But never combine your annoyance with your chats on face book because disaster will inevitably strike, like it happened to me on Saturday.
I was chatting to three people at a go, very ambitious for me actually! While one chat was annoyed at me over an issue, I was bitching back about it on another chat. Now you know what happened don't you? Yes, I posted it public!!  An accident of course, but serves me right! I put all this person's personal information out there for the world to see, (Thankfully I got it down after 17 people saw it, but no excuses) Shame on me.
It wasn't only bad for the said person, it was very bad for me.
It dragged me back down to that awful place of nastiness. I have worked really hard on myself over the past few years to be a genuine person. Finding myself, being true to myself, taking responsibility for my actions, changing into a better mother, sister, daughter, friend.  I've been doing a good job too. I've really focused on positivity and relinquished negativities and resentments and bitterness until this moment.
Things sometimes happen for a reason and maybe it forced some issues to the surface that needed to be addressed. But it takes you back a few steps into guilt and shame and that's another thing that you now have to ask forgiveness for and to try to forgive yourself for being so imperfect.