How long is it going to take to feel well again? To feel motivated? I would like to be able to go to bed and pull the covers over my head, but my 10 year old Yasmin needs a mammy to entertain her, do something with her. I'll take her to the aquatic centre. At least then I can shower her and be forced to shower myself, as I can't do it.
I can't do anything.
I am numb. I am feeling ill.
Who can I burden with myself?
No one.
Monday, 4 May 2015
Sunday, 3 May 2015
Just for a moment....
For a moment, I remembered why I fell in love with you....
You used to look at me the way Bruno Mars looks at his audience, he loves every moment of how his songs make people feel that he is really talking to them. He sings the words and he means the words; You used to do that.
Then it was gone.
You used to look at me the way Bruno Mars looks at his audience, he loves every moment of how his songs make people feel that he is really talking to them. He sings the words and he means the words; You used to do that.
Then it was gone.
Friday, 1 May 2015
Is it me?
I don't know anything anymore. I thought I was an ok person, with good values. What's wrong with liking people and wanting to include them in your life? Isn't there room for everyone? Why do some resent me for that?
What's wrong with using my husband's credit card to book things for myself and my kids? So, I like to go on holidays and have good seats at concerts, What's wrong with that? He's included also. I know he can afford it at the moment, but he doesn't want to spend his money on luxuries. He wants to pay off his mortgages, but that will take forever. Truly they are very high. He chose to invest in property. I supported him. It's doing ok. Everything's rented and is slowly paying itself off. But he wants to pay it faster. So we don't live. Can I live like that? Am I selfish? Am I really selfish?
I've been quite good in the recession I think, I didn't buy anything for myself, I paid my bills, I looked after my kids, ok, so they have expensive horse riding hobbies. Is that so wrong? It's good for them.
So, I come from a poor place, am I not to inspire to have more, want more? Shouldn't I have my own standard of good manners and etiquette? What's wrong with that? And why does it piss off my family so much? I'm not sitting down expecting nice things to fall in my lap. I've worked hard for nice things in my life. As far as I can see, I've nothing different than anybody else has and I want everybody to have what they want. I'm delighted to see people with nice things.
Why are people so quick to judge? I don't judge how they live their life, how they spend their money. Why do people think they can tell me how to spend my money? I don't work for my husband, I'm his wife of 20 years now, together nearly 30 years, isn't what's his mine? What's mine I share without question on my kids, on my husband, on my family.
Just because I failed to be financially successful in my own right, but I did try. I was out there in the work place all my life up till three years ago, when it became impossible to for me mentally to physically work and take care of my children, my home.
And I'm trying again, I'm trying to be an author. I'm writing books. Of course it's a slow process in becoming someone who can make money from writing, but I am trying. It's my only hope for now.
Should I, Can I be the good wife who takes what she is given and just be grateful.
Is that me? Why can't that be me?
What's wrong with using my husband's credit card to book things for myself and my kids? So, I like to go on holidays and have good seats at concerts, What's wrong with that? He's included also. I know he can afford it at the moment, but he doesn't want to spend his money on luxuries. He wants to pay off his mortgages, but that will take forever. Truly they are very high. He chose to invest in property. I supported him. It's doing ok. Everything's rented and is slowly paying itself off. But he wants to pay it faster. So we don't live. Can I live like that? Am I selfish? Am I really selfish?
I've been quite good in the recession I think, I didn't buy anything for myself, I paid my bills, I looked after my kids, ok, so they have expensive horse riding hobbies. Is that so wrong? It's good for them.
So, I come from a poor place, am I not to inspire to have more, want more? Shouldn't I have my own standard of good manners and etiquette? What's wrong with that? And why does it piss off my family so much? I'm not sitting down expecting nice things to fall in my lap. I've worked hard for nice things in my life. As far as I can see, I've nothing different than anybody else has and I want everybody to have what they want. I'm delighted to see people with nice things.
Why are people so quick to judge? I don't judge how they live their life, how they spend their money. Why do people think they can tell me how to spend my money? I don't work for my husband, I'm his wife of 20 years now, together nearly 30 years, isn't what's his mine? What's mine I share without question on my kids, on my husband, on my family.
Just because I failed to be financially successful in my own right, but I did try. I was out there in the work place all my life up till three years ago, when it became impossible to for me mentally to physically work and take care of my children, my home.
And I'm trying again, I'm trying to be an author. I'm writing books. Of course it's a slow process in becoming someone who can make money from writing, but I am trying. It's my only hope for now.
Should I, Can I be the good wife who takes what she is given and just be grateful.
Is that me? Why can't that be me?
Wednesday, 29 April 2015
jean murray: What a fast year!
jean murray: What a fast year!: My daughter Sarah's first year in IADT college came to an end last night with a fabulous presentation of her class mate's work for t...
What a fast year!
My daughter Sarah's first year in IADT college came to an end last night with a fabulous presentation of her class mate's work for their year 2014/15.
IADT is one of Europe's top art and design colleges'. It specializes in film production, animation, costume design and theatrical makeup. Sarah's chosen course was 'Set and Stage Design and Production'.
As I sat and watched each student's six minute film production of their art work, I realized I was watching some amazing talent. These 19 year old young men and women put on a very professional display of their expressions of Art. Each student had been given a different movement of art to design and make into a film. They had to develop their art, act, direct, produce and edit.
Sarah's task was 'Cubism'. This style aimed to translate a real form through geometric, abstract and architectural shapes. Sarah had designed a model of a human form with various sized cubes. She chose to act as a maintenance man working in an Art gallery. By accident, he destroys a sculpture. Instead of reporting his mistake, he covers it up by remaking it. He discovers he's a master at sculpture!
Sarah's piece was really funny. Sarah is quite shy, so this whole year in Art college brought Sarah out of her comfort shell. She had to work in teams, put her ideas out there, build and perform them. Her tutor Paul was able to get Sarah to believe in herself. My little girl is doing ok!
Well done IADT!
IADT is one of Europe's top art and design colleges'. It specializes in film production, animation, costume design and theatrical makeup. Sarah's chosen course was 'Set and Stage Design and Production'.
As I sat and watched each student's six minute film production of their art work, I realized I was watching some amazing talent. These 19 year old young men and women put on a very professional display of their expressions of Art. Each student had been given a different movement of art to design and make into a film. They had to develop their art, act, direct, produce and edit.
Sarah's task was 'Cubism'. This style aimed to translate a real form through geometric, abstract and architectural shapes. Sarah had designed a model of a human form with various sized cubes. She chose to act as a maintenance man working in an Art gallery. By accident, he destroys a sculpture. Instead of reporting his mistake, he covers it up by remaking it. He discovers he's a master at sculpture!
Sarah's piece was really funny. Sarah is quite shy, so this whole year in Art college brought Sarah out of her comfort shell. She had to work in teams, put her ideas out there, build and perform them. Her tutor Paul was able to get Sarah to believe in herself. My little girl is doing ok!
Well done IADT!
Tuesday, 28 April 2015
jean murray: Mother of the groom
jean murray: Mother of the groom: When my oldest child 25, and only son announced that he and his beautiful girlfriend were to get married in a year, I was delighted. Every M...
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