This is my Christmas letter to you all!

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas....

It's that time of year again, already? Haven't we just taken down last years decorations?
Wow! Where did that year go? I know they say when you get older that the years go in faster, but, I wasn't ready. This is my worse year for organisation. How does this happen? I remember when I was young, (younger) when I had all the cards sent, the house spotless and everything in. What date is it now? The 18th? Ok, so I still have a few more days left to do all that stuff and I've just had a great thought! I'll write you all a letter! (Just incase you don't receive your card)
How was your year?
Are you all grateful you just got through it? I can't lie. I am so grateful to be alive, truly, I am, but isn't life a challenge? Especially these last few years that have been financially challenging. It can seem to be a trudging chore at times and I'm also really aware of family and friends and strangers who have died recently, before their time.
There are so many. And they were all lovely people. Kindhearted people. You don't have to wonder too much why God would take these people. He wants them! They are good and genuine. They don't need to serve a life of learning because they are educated in kindness already. So they are happy in Heaven. And we're glad for them and we miss them, but we don't forget them. I have my Dad's photo on my dressing table and I see him always. He is here with us and I feel his presence. I would much prefer if he was here and I could ask him to do a chore for me, maybe something in the garden or the house and with his unqualified skills he would gladly tackle it for his daughter, because there is nobody like a daughter to a Dad! But I am really happy that he is at peace and I wouldn't be selfish enough to make him come back to this crazy planet! But nine years on and I still miss him. He loved Christmas and he loved to party! I think I'm a bit like him that way.
 It's hard for the people who have lost beloved ones and I feel their pain. I can't help them. They have to live with this loss for the rest of their days. And the loss of these people is so heartfelt to us all. I know that they are all in Heaven and they are happy and at peace, but they will be missed.
I still remember my best pal Declan, wow, almost 30 years later since he died! He was such a lovely  lad. You see! Another good one gone. And I will always remember his kindness. As I remember all of my other family and friends who have passed. I take pleasure in remembering their kindnesses. It is a wonderful gift to be a kind person. Someone who is thoughtful and considerate of others. You might be a small person in the universe, but you are huge in your presence. Imagine having the wonderful gift of helping others, loving others and including everyone as equal? Of course, we are all equal. It doesn't matter about our colour or creed or wealth or looks or 'coolness' status, we are all equal.
Isn't it funny that you never remember anyone who's mean? I have had people mean to me in my lifetime, but I don't remember them. They don't leave their mark. They are forgotten.
So my wish to all of you this Christmas, and I hope to see you all, (I'll do my best to visit over our festive season) is to enjoy this wonderful life! Please take everything as a roller-coaster challenge, not a decisive of your life. Enjoy breathing, walking, listening, seeing!
Be Grateful for this one and only life that you have a chance of living!
And be kind to people.
The people who laugh loudest are always the ones who are sad inside.
Merry Christmas
Jean xx

I need to explain

I spoke about my days growing up in Cabra in 'My Beautiful Flower'.
 My girl friends, our back-rounds, our poorness. But how can I explain our unity....
You may look down your nose at dysfunction, but don't knock it. Dysfunction is a wonderful gift.
Dysfunction being, limited education, poverty, alcohol abuse, struggling parents.
We had a class reunion tonight from 40 years ago
And I recognized so many
All smiles and praise
No complaints
That's the thing
No complaint's
Support, encouragement,
Smiles,
reassuring hugs and touch.
Delighted to see you looking so well.
Happy for you.
Why?
Because it's just great to see you. They remember your contribution to them surviving school or parents or growing up years. Because you made it fun. Like they made it fun for you. Less scary.
And here you are.
You live to tell the tail.
Of truth.
Of life.
But it's ok.
Because they are here with you.
And they are still smiling!
That's what friends are....
Jean. xxx

Lost...

I feel like Tom Hanks in one of his great acting rolls in Castaway when his companion, best mate, only friend in the world falls into the sea and Tom never sees him again.
That's the way I feel inside,
Lost.
No strength.
Detached from society.
As if I am going to collapse, but it's a mental collapse and then it's physical also. But I can't allow myself the pleasure of a collapse. I can see the benefits of being in a delusional state.
 Of not feeling the pain of failure.
I'm drained emotionally.  I have no energy nor interest to look nice .
 I'm not meeting my family's needs.
I'm wreaked in guilt for my emotional failures in life.
My precious eleven year old struggles to go to school every morning, everything hurts her, her hair, her teeth washing, her face washing, her toe this morning, I know school is hard for her even though she says it's not.
 I can't take her pain away from her.
She's angry with herself. How can I teach her to accept herself?
She's such a great girl, she really tries hard.
Yet I am so grateful for the school system this morning, because I can have six hours break from her Dyspraxia and everything that goes with it for my little pet. You know, Yasmin was born with this disability, it's mild enough you might say because you can't see it's physical form, but every day she grows older, her disability doesn't. It's still a tantrumous, anxious, hyper active, struggling, clumsy, scared, angry, disorganized three year old.
It's still the same challenge for her every day. Every day she has to work very very hard to learn things that some take for granted.
My heart goes out to the many parents who have a lot more disabilities in their children and they are aging but their children are not.
I'm only 48 and I'm tired.

Jean xxx

The Responsibilities of being a Woman

I'm sure I'm not the only woman sitting down this morning the 20th November 2015, with weariness in my bones.
Wondering how to be all to the husband and the children, how to meet all their needs. How to provide a Happy, worry free Home. To be a Mother to the kids, a Teacher, a Nurse, a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist, a Special Needs assistant, a Nutritionist, a Hairdresser and Beautician (Ok, so I have those skills at least!)  A Wife to the husband, a sex goddess, (I kid you not!) a Business Manager to the home, to keep the bills paid and the washing and ironing done. To put food in the fridge. While presenting a lovely clean home for the return of the family after their wonderful easy day in school, college or indeed the luxury of working outside the home.
Never mind the addition of taking care of the adored dogs and pony!
And as with every job, I know, there are times when there is an employee review.
'We think that you could be doing better. We're not getting very good returns from your work.'
You feel a failure again. Can't you do anything right?
 How can you do better? You've got limited means. Limited time. You've a limited body. You would need to be cloned. It's a task itself figuring out the individual needs of your children. And the more kids you have, the ratio of getting it wrong increases.
 In my parents day, it was easier.  They just had kids, they fed them and sent them to school. Thank God they didn't have to figure out any emotional needs. We were spared of any emotional intervention. We weren't to show any emotion. Apart from being happy. We could laugh things off.  But that's not as bad as you think. At least for most of us, we were in this happy little bubble of denial for most of our youth. That's a great gift in itself!
So you come out of your review. The house is quite. Everybody is gone. You look around at the mess they left behind and you wonder where to start. Again.
The groundhog feeling of everyday being the same.
What wonder can you get out of this day? In the back round of my mind, I hear my good angel telling me, 'Look at your kids! See their smiling happy faces going off to their day. They're safe, healthy, nourished and warm!'
The little devil in my mind is very small. I can't hear his voice much. It's very faint. I know he's trying to laugh and jeer and blame and criticize, but I'm not listening.
So, I'm ok. I'll work harder. I'm a woman.
I'm the gel that keeps the family together. Like my Mother before me and her Mother, my Granny. A small woman with a huge mind, full of giving.
Don't underestimate our task of being a woman. God shared his great gift of creating with us women. He gave us the gift of giving birth. Yes, we know the excruciating pain of bringing a child into the world and the same pain when we lose one. But he gave us strength.
And we have this gift of great love and loyalty to our born.
We'll not give up.

Jean xx

Hi! I'm looking for some talented people out there to take part in my art competition, check out my website for the details http://jeanmurray120.wordpress.com spread the word!

Hi! I'm looking for some talented people out there to take part in my art competition, check out my website for the details http://jeanmurray120.wordpress.com spread the word!
Since I'm not having too much interest here in Ireland, I'm putting it out there! 
And open to all ages!

Jean xx

'Who's that ole fella you had me sit on his lap for the last few years??'

I laughed this morning when my sister in law told me of an eight year old child in her daughter's  school, who was going around telling the other kids that Santa wasn't real!
There's always one! You know the type? They're smarter than the average airy fairy kid who is happy in the knowledge that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and indeed Santa are all very real. These little innocents don't have the desire to discover anything. They are just so happy to place every little extravagant want on their list, knowing their beloved wishes will come true!
But the Smarty Pants wants to know why Santa didn't bring him his much desired, latest Super Duper, really expensive to buy X Box next generation?
 He wants to get to the bottom of all these unasked for useless presents appearing every year under the Christmas Tree. There has to be a more logical explanation?
 So the Smarty Pants puts on his detective ears and watch's his parents every move and every whisper until he finally discovers the secret stash of presents! He knew it! Mammy and Daddy are Santa! The Frauds. No wonder they kept saying Santa can't afford really expensive items!!
 Now, delighted and also miserable in this new knowledge, he can't wait to tell all these idiot kids who still believe, that there is no such thing as Santa!
 Two of the mammies at the school were outraged, as only us Irish mammies can be. So, they called an emergency meeting with the principle to have this child shut up! (Irish mammies have this power)
This secret could not get out! It would break all of the children's hearts!
And I know for sure if my 11 year old Yasmin found out now, she would be heart broken. Yasmin is only in 4th class now, so all of her classmates at 9 are still happy believers and because of her delayed maturity, she's really only 7 in her head. So, I am certainly not rushing in to break her little heart.
So when is a good time to tell your kids that Santa isn't real? And was it really fair to dis-allusion them for so long?
As my neighbor told me recently, when she told her twelve year old daughter that Santa wasn't real, her daughter was shocked! She had no idea he wasn't real. She asked her mom then, 'So who was that ole fella you brought me to every year and had me sitting on his lap??'
You know it's true. We give them this magic and fantasy for the first few years of their life and as soon as the awful puberty approaches, and they are mourning the loss of their childhood body, they have to deal with this tragic loss also! 'Santa's not real?'
I do think it's nice to have the magic and fantasy in kids life, but should we take it away completely?
 Christmas does indeed come around very fast for us parents who are still struggling with the effects of the recession. And I can speak from experience, the stress of trying to meet the kids wants are tough.
I know many of us are cursing Santa's imminent arrival and welcome the little Smarty pants going around breaking our kids hearts for us.
But we don't have to turn into Bah Humbug himself, (I keep telling my husband)
 And I don't want to come across too corny, but it can still be a time of magic. It is a time of gatherings and get togethers, so, we can look forward to those moments. We don't have to buy everybody presents, as it's the company that matters. (And a glass of vino)
When it's time for the kids to know about Santa, they will ask you first and then they are ready for the truth. And you can tell them, that Christmas is still a magical time. It's about new beginnings and family and friends and being loving and caring and sharing. We keep Santa around because it reminds us to be nicer. To share ourselves and our wealth with people we care about and who need it.

Jean xx

So, I have a very Worthy cause.....

I launched my very first children's story book today called 'Madhead The Crazy Horse'!
 I was very proud of this story, because it contained real life elements of my life with my children and my family and friends and our animals.
Animals who are not so easy to tame. Who need kindness and a firm and reassuring voice.
 Animals who are always there for us, waiting to receive that reassuring pat or hug and waiting to reassure us with a nudge of their nose or a wag of their tail. They can teach us so much!
I hosted the launch in Broadmeadows Stables, where my children and their friends spend their days tending their beautiful horses.
They care for these animals with such skill, who give them so much comfort and confidence.
They learn to be strong.
In relation to my book, I linked my charity of choice, a wonderful cause, to The Dyspraxia Assoc. of Ireland. I wanted to spread awareness to this unknown Disability. That in our days, the children were called 'Slow'. They just couldn't keep up with the 'normal' kids. They were hard to teach and often put down to the back of the class.
On the discovery that my last child had quite a severe Dyspraxia, I was quite devastated. And shocked. And worried. Like any other loving parent.
With the help and support of other parents to encourage and comfort me and also the resources to physically help me and my child, I soon learned that we would be OK. That my child could perform in life.
Over whelmed with pride and joy, I wanted to share this news with everybody in Ireland. I wanted to shout out, 'Hey! This is a wonderful, kind World we live in! Look what we can do to help! We can educate all of our children with individual needs! They have the ability to be educated! And we also have that ability to educate!'

The wonderful person from The Dyspraxia Assoc. who came to support me today, shared with me the difficulties for parents who struggle to pay the high costs to have their child assessed. Many parents borrow money to give their child a proper diagnosis in order to receive proper resource in school.

We raised 700 euros for The Dyspraxia Assoc. today from the sale of my books and I am so proud to say that the raised money will go directly to a child's assessment, and maybe even another child. And I am also proud to say that a proportion of all my future earnings from my books will always go to the Dyspraxia Assoc. Because I will gladly contribute to a child's educational and emotional needs.

 There are wonderful people like Shea from Ireland's Own and even Woman's Own who have helped promote this positivity and I am very grateful. 

And today, my beautiful friends and family came to support me and my quest. And they had their own sadness and illness and difficulties to face. Yet, they came to me.
To unite in our quest of humanity. To genuinely support. To comfort our pain, not our beauty.
To love our joy through their sadness.
Through their loss.
What wonderful people.
Real people.
With warmth.
I am humbled at such loyalty.


Jean xx