As a mother for 26 years now, I've been visiting Santa Claus for quite some time. Myself and my sisters, husbands and kids favor the Arnott's Santa in Dublin city centre. It has become quite a tradition with my family and every December, we head off really early on a Saturday morning to try get ahead of the very long queue to see the precious fella.
Mostly all of our children come with us. The youngest is ten and the oldest is 26, (Ok, he doesn't come, yet. Soon to be married, soon to be a parent! He'll be back!)
We merrily chat to all of the other parents while waiting the many hours, enquiring how long they have been coming to the 'Real' Santa. Everybody regales their tails of when they found him and why he is so special. I look around at all of the families of all ages. They come from all parts of the country and it's quite amazing to see the mix. There are posh people, common people, poor people, rich people, foreign people, educated people, all talking to each other, admiring each other's children, sharing seats and cups of coffee. Despite what goes on outside Arnott's doors or where ever else all of our shared problems lay, we are all in the Christmas Spirit.
Arnott's is an old but refurbished department store, so it has a state of the art luxury and modern design. The Christmas design this year was full of sparkling delights. There were Santa sacks and sleigh bells; There were lego reindeer! Brilliant! And a great idea, 'Take an Elfy of yourself!' There was a huge relaxing area where families could chill and watch some Christmas movies and the wonderful staff were as wonderful as ever!
The only snag was that the new air conditioning system was on heat instead of chill and by the time it was our turn to see Santa, we had discarded all of our Christmas jumpers and drank half a dozen bottles of water. It was like Christmas in the Bahamas during a heat wave!
We gave a huge cheer as we finally headed in behind the deep velvet curtains to see the delightful Father Christmas sitting in his comfy armchair beside his fireplace. 'Hello Santa!' We all chimed. Looking at this genuine old man with a real beard and his own bit of belly fat, dressed handsomely in red. He smiled widely at us all. 'Tell me all about yourself now,' he asked each of us in turn. 'What are you looking for this Christmas?' He took his time and showed an interest in all of my teenage nieces and nephews and they in turn showed great respect for this dear old man. And what were they looking for from this kind old man? They of course know that this Santa will not deliver their iphones or laptops, or designer clothes. So, why were they here?
They came to get the magic that Santa gives. The magic of Christmas Sprit. Of sharing and caring.
And giving of oneself. Because for this one day of the year, we all can.
Santa Claus may be a figure of mystery and fantasy for little children, but as we grow older, Santa Claus stands for giving. Being in the Christmas Spirit and sharing your time and yourself with family and friends and anybody that may need you, is what Christmas is all about.
And that's where the magic is.
Merry Christmas xxx
Jean xxx
Wednesday 23 December 2015
Friday 18 December 2015
This is my Christmas letter to you all!
Have yourself a Merry little Christmas....
It's that time of year again, already? Haven't we just taken down last years decorations?
Wow! Where did that year go? I know they say when you get older that the years go in faster, but, I wasn't ready. This is my worse year for organisation. How does this happen? I remember when I was young, (younger) when I had all the cards sent, the house spotless and everything in. What date is it now? The 18th? Ok, so I still have a few more days left to do all that stuff and I've just had a great thought! I'll write you all a letter! (Just incase you don't receive your card)
How was your year?
Are you all grateful you just got through it? I can't lie. I am so grateful to be alive, truly, I am, but isn't life a challenge? Especially these last few years that have been financially challenging. It can seem to be a trudging chore at times and I'm also really aware of family and friends and strangers who have died recently, before their time.
There are so many. And they were all lovely people. Kindhearted people. You don't have to wonder too much why God would take these people. He wants them! They are good and genuine. They don't need to serve a life of learning because they are educated in kindness already. So they are happy in Heaven. And we're glad for them and we miss them, but we don't forget them. I have my Dad's photo on my dressing table and I see him always. He is here with us and I feel his presence. I would much prefer if he was here and I could ask him to do a chore for me, maybe something in the garden or the house and with his unqualified skills he would gladly tackle it for his daughter, because there is nobody like a daughter to a Dad! But I am really happy that he is at peace and I wouldn't be selfish enough to make him come back to this crazy planet! But nine years on and I still miss him. He loved Christmas and he loved to party! I think I'm a bit like him that way.
It's hard for the people who have lost beloved ones and I feel their pain. I can't help them. They have to live with this loss for the rest of their days. And the loss of these people is so heartfelt to us all. I know that they are all in Heaven and they are happy and at peace, but they will be missed.
I still remember my best pal Declan, wow, almost 30 years later since he died! He was such a lovely lad. You see! Another good one gone. And I will always remember his kindness. As I remember all of my other family and friends who have passed. I take pleasure in remembering their kindnesses. It is a wonderful gift to be a kind person. Someone who is thoughtful and considerate of others. You might be a small person in the universe, but you are huge in your presence. Imagine having the wonderful gift of helping others, loving others and including everyone as equal? Of course, we are all equal. It doesn't matter about our colour or creed or wealth or looks or 'coolness' status, we are all equal.
Isn't it funny that you never remember anyone who's mean? I have had people mean to me in my lifetime, but I don't remember them. They don't leave their mark. They are forgotten.
So my wish to all of you this Christmas, and I hope to see you all, (I'll do my best to visit over our festive season) is to enjoy this wonderful life! Please take everything as a roller-coaster challenge, not a decisive of your life. Enjoy breathing, walking, listening, seeing!
Be Grateful for this one and only life that you have a chance of living!
And be kind to people.
The people who laugh loudest are always the ones who are sad inside.
Merry Christmas
Jean xx
It's that time of year again, already? Haven't we just taken down last years decorations?
Wow! Where did that year go? I know they say when you get older that the years go in faster, but, I wasn't ready. This is my worse year for organisation. How does this happen? I remember when I was young, (younger) when I had all the cards sent, the house spotless and everything in. What date is it now? The 18th? Ok, so I still have a few more days left to do all that stuff and I've just had a great thought! I'll write you all a letter! (Just incase you don't receive your card)
How was your year?
Are you all grateful you just got through it? I can't lie. I am so grateful to be alive, truly, I am, but isn't life a challenge? Especially these last few years that have been financially challenging. It can seem to be a trudging chore at times and I'm also really aware of family and friends and strangers who have died recently, before their time.
There are so many. And they were all lovely people. Kindhearted people. You don't have to wonder too much why God would take these people. He wants them! They are good and genuine. They don't need to serve a life of learning because they are educated in kindness already. So they are happy in Heaven. And we're glad for them and we miss them, but we don't forget them. I have my Dad's photo on my dressing table and I see him always. He is here with us and I feel his presence. I would much prefer if he was here and I could ask him to do a chore for me, maybe something in the garden or the house and with his unqualified skills he would gladly tackle it for his daughter, because there is nobody like a daughter to a Dad! But I am really happy that he is at peace and I wouldn't be selfish enough to make him come back to this crazy planet! But nine years on and I still miss him. He loved Christmas and he loved to party! I think I'm a bit like him that way.
It's hard for the people who have lost beloved ones and I feel their pain. I can't help them. They have to live with this loss for the rest of their days. And the loss of these people is so heartfelt to us all. I know that they are all in Heaven and they are happy and at peace, but they will be missed.
I still remember my best pal Declan, wow, almost 30 years later since he died! He was such a lovely lad. You see! Another good one gone. And I will always remember his kindness. As I remember all of my other family and friends who have passed. I take pleasure in remembering their kindnesses. It is a wonderful gift to be a kind person. Someone who is thoughtful and considerate of others. You might be a small person in the universe, but you are huge in your presence. Imagine having the wonderful gift of helping others, loving others and including everyone as equal? Of course, we are all equal. It doesn't matter about our colour or creed or wealth or looks or 'coolness' status, we are all equal.
Isn't it funny that you never remember anyone who's mean? I have had people mean to me in my lifetime, but I don't remember them. They don't leave their mark. They are forgotten.
So my wish to all of you this Christmas, and I hope to see you all, (I'll do my best to visit over our festive season) is to enjoy this wonderful life! Please take everything as a roller-coaster challenge, not a decisive of your life. Enjoy breathing, walking, listening, seeing!
Be Grateful for this one and only life that you have a chance of living!
And be kind to people.
The people who laugh loudest are always the ones who are sad inside.
Merry Christmas
Jean xx
Saturday 28 November 2015
I need to explain
I spoke about my days growing up in Cabra in 'My Beautiful Flower'.
My girl friends, our back-rounds, our poorness. But how can I explain our unity....
You may look down your nose at dysfunction, but don't knock it. Dysfunction is a wonderful gift.
Dysfunction being, limited education, poverty, alcohol abuse, struggling parents.
We had a class reunion tonight from 40 years ago
And I recognized so many
All smiles and praise
No complaints
That's the thing
No complaint's
Support, encouragement,
Smiles,
reassuring hugs and touch.
Delighted to see you looking so well.
Happy for you.
Why?
Because it's just great to see you. They remember your contribution to them surviving school or parents or growing up years. Because you made it fun. Like they made it fun for you. Less scary.
And here you are.
You live to tell the tail.
Of truth.
Of life.
But it's ok.
Because they are here with you.
And they are still smiling!
That's what friends are....
Jean. xxx
My girl friends, our back-rounds, our poorness. But how can I explain our unity....
You may look down your nose at dysfunction, but don't knock it. Dysfunction is a wonderful gift.
Dysfunction being, limited education, poverty, alcohol abuse, struggling parents.
We had a class reunion tonight from 40 years ago
And I recognized so many
All smiles and praise
No complaints
That's the thing
No complaint's
Support, encouragement,
Smiles,
reassuring hugs and touch.
Delighted to see you looking so well.
Happy for you.
Why?
Because it's just great to see you. They remember your contribution to them surviving school or parents or growing up years. Because you made it fun. Like they made it fun for you. Less scary.
And here you are.
You live to tell the tail.
Of truth.
Of life.
But it's ok.
Because they are here with you.
And they are still smiling!
That's what friends are....
Jean. xxx
Tuesday 24 November 2015
Lost...
I feel like Tom Hanks in one of his great acting rolls in Castaway when his companion, best mate, only friend in the world falls into the sea and Tom never sees him again.
That's the way I feel inside,
Lost.
No strength.
Detached from society.
As if I am going to collapse, but it's a mental collapse and then it's physical also. But I can't allow myself the pleasure of a collapse. I can see the benefits of being in a delusional state.
Of not feeling the pain of failure.
I'm drained emotionally. I have no energy nor interest to look nice .
I'm not meeting my family's needs.
I'm wreaked in guilt for my emotional failures in life.
My precious eleven year old struggles to go to school every morning, everything hurts her, her hair, her teeth washing, her face washing, her toe this morning, I know school is hard for her even though she says it's not.
I can't take her pain away from her.
She's angry with herself. How can I teach her to accept herself?
She's such a great girl, she really tries hard.
Yet I am so grateful for the school system this morning, because I can have six hours break from her Dyspraxia and everything that goes with it for my little pet. You know, Yasmin was born with this disability, it's mild enough you might say because you can't see it's physical form, but every day she grows older, her disability doesn't. It's still a tantrumous, anxious, hyper active, struggling, clumsy, scared, angry, disorganized three year old.
It's still the same challenge for her every day. Every day she has to work very very hard to learn things that some take for granted.
My heart goes out to the many parents who have a lot more disabilities in their children and they are aging but their children are not.
I'm only 48 and I'm tired.
Jean xxx
That's the way I feel inside,
Lost.
No strength.
Detached from society.
As if I am going to collapse, but it's a mental collapse and then it's physical also. But I can't allow myself the pleasure of a collapse. I can see the benefits of being in a delusional state.
Of not feeling the pain of failure.
I'm drained emotionally. I have no energy nor interest to look nice .
I'm not meeting my family's needs.
I'm wreaked in guilt for my emotional failures in life.
My precious eleven year old struggles to go to school every morning, everything hurts her, her hair, her teeth washing, her face washing, her toe this morning, I know school is hard for her even though she says it's not.
I can't take her pain away from her.
She's angry with herself. How can I teach her to accept herself?
She's such a great girl, she really tries hard.
Yet I am so grateful for the school system this morning, because I can have six hours break from her Dyspraxia and everything that goes with it for my little pet. You know, Yasmin was born with this disability, it's mild enough you might say because you can't see it's physical form, but every day she grows older, her disability doesn't. It's still a tantrumous, anxious, hyper active, struggling, clumsy, scared, angry, disorganized three year old.
It's still the same challenge for her every day. Every day she has to work very very hard to learn things that some take for granted.
My heart goes out to the many parents who have a lot more disabilities in their children and they are aging but their children are not.
I'm only 48 and I'm tired.
Jean xxx
Friday 20 November 2015
The Responsibilities of being a Woman
I'm sure I'm not the only woman sitting down this morning the 20th November 2015, with weariness in my bones.
Wondering how to be all to the husband and the children, how to meet all their needs. How to provide a Happy, worry free Home. To be a Mother to the kids, a Teacher, a Nurse, a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist, a Special Needs assistant, a Nutritionist, a Hairdresser and Beautician (Ok, so I have those skills at least!) A Wife to the husband, a sex goddess, (I kid you not!) a Business Manager to the home, to keep the bills paid and the washing and ironing done. To put food in the fridge. While presenting a lovely clean home for the return of the family after their wonderful easy day in school, college or indeed the luxury of working outside the home.
Never mind the addition of taking care of the adored dogs and pony!
And as with every job, I know, there are times when there is an employee review.
'We think that you could be doing better. We're not getting very good returns from your work.'
You feel a failure again. Can't you do anything right?
How can you do better? You've got limited means. Limited time. You've a limited body. You would need to be cloned. It's a task itself figuring out the individual needs of your children. And the more kids you have, the ratio of getting it wrong increases.
In my parents day, it was easier. They just had kids, they fed them and sent them to school. Thank God they didn't have to figure out any emotional needs. We were spared of any emotional intervention. We weren't to show any emotion. Apart from being happy. We could laugh things off. But that's not as bad as you think. At least for most of us, we were in this happy little bubble of denial for most of our youth. That's a great gift in itself!
So you come out of your review. The house is quite. Everybody is gone. You look around at the mess they left behind and you wonder where to start. Again.
The groundhog feeling of everyday being the same.
What wonder can you get out of this day? In the back round of my mind, I hear my good angel telling me, 'Look at your kids! See their smiling happy faces going off to their day. They're safe, healthy, nourished and warm!'
The little devil in my mind is very small. I can't hear his voice much. It's very faint. I know he's trying to laugh and jeer and blame and criticize, but I'm not listening.
So, I'm ok. I'll work harder. I'm a woman.
I'm the gel that keeps the family together. Like my Mother before me and her Mother, my Granny. A small woman with a huge mind, full of giving.
Don't underestimate our task of being a woman. God shared his great gift of creating with us women. He gave us the gift of giving birth. Yes, we know the excruciating pain of bringing a child into the world and the same pain when we lose one. But he gave us strength.
And we have this gift of great love and loyalty to our born.
We'll not give up.
Jean xx
Wondering how to be all to the husband and the children, how to meet all their needs. How to provide a Happy, worry free Home. To be a Mother to the kids, a Teacher, a Nurse, a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist, a Special Needs assistant, a Nutritionist, a Hairdresser and Beautician (Ok, so I have those skills at least!) A Wife to the husband, a sex goddess, (I kid you not!) a Business Manager to the home, to keep the bills paid and the washing and ironing done. To put food in the fridge. While presenting a lovely clean home for the return of the family after their wonderful easy day in school, college or indeed the luxury of working outside the home.
Never mind the addition of taking care of the adored dogs and pony!
And as with every job, I know, there are times when there is an employee review.
'We think that you could be doing better. We're not getting very good returns from your work.'
You feel a failure again. Can't you do anything right?
How can you do better? You've got limited means. Limited time. You've a limited body. You would need to be cloned. It's a task itself figuring out the individual needs of your children. And the more kids you have, the ratio of getting it wrong increases.
In my parents day, it was easier. They just had kids, they fed them and sent them to school. Thank God they didn't have to figure out any emotional needs. We were spared of any emotional intervention. We weren't to show any emotion. Apart from being happy. We could laugh things off. But that's not as bad as you think. At least for most of us, we were in this happy little bubble of denial for most of our youth. That's a great gift in itself!
So you come out of your review. The house is quite. Everybody is gone. You look around at the mess they left behind and you wonder where to start. Again.
The groundhog feeling of everyday being the same.
What wonder can you get out of this day? In the back round of my mind, I hear my good angel telling me, 'Look at your kids! See their smiling happy faces going off to their day. They're safe, healthy, nourished and warm!'
The little devil in my mind is very small. I can't hear his voice much. It's very faint. I know he's trying to laugh and jeer and blame and criticize, but I'm not listening.
So, I'm ok. I'll work harder. I'm a woman.
I'm the gel that keeps the family together. Like my Mother before me and her Mother, my Granny. A small woman with a huge mind, full of giving.
Don't underestimate our task of being a woman. God shared his great gift of creating with us women. He gave us the gift of giving birth. Yes, we know the excruciating pain of bringing a child into the world and the same pain when we lose one. But he gave us strength.
And we have this gift of great love and loyalty to our born.
We'll not give up.
Jean xx
Tuesday 17 November 2015
Hi! I'm looking for some talented people out there to take part in my art competition, check out my website for the details http://jeanmurray120.wordpress.com spread the word!
Hi! I'm looking for some talented people out there to take part in my art competition, check out my website for the details http://jeanmurray120.wordpress.com spread the word!
Since I'm not having too much interest here in Ireland, I'm putting it out there!
And open to all ages!
Jean xx
Since I'm not having too much interest here in Ireland, I'm putting it out there!
And open to all ages!
Jean xx
Friday 13 November 2015
'Who's that ole fella you had me sit on his lap for the last few years??'
I laughed this morning when my sister in law told me of an eight year old child in her daughter's school, who was going around telling the other kids that Santa wasn't real!
There's always one! You know the type? They're smarter than the average airy fairy kid who is happy in the knowledge that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and indeed Santa are all very real. These little innocents don't have the desire to discover anything. They are just so happy to place every little extravagant want on their list, knowing their beloved wishes will come true!
But the Smarty Pants wants to know why Santa didn't bring him his much desired, latest Super Duper, really expensive to buy X Box next generation?
He wants to get to the bottom of all these unasked for useless presents appearing every year under the Christmas Tree. There has to be a more logical explanation?
So the Smarty Pants puts on his detective ears and watch's his parents every move and every whisper until he finally discovers the secret stash of presents! He knew it! Mammy and Daddy are Santa! The Frauds. No wonder they kept saying Santa can't afford really expensive items!!
Now, delighted and also miserable in this new knowledge, he can't wait to tell all these idiot kids who still believe, that there is no such thing as Santa!
Two of the mammies at the school were outraged, as only us Irish mammies can be. So, they called an emergency meeting with the principle to have this child shut up! (Irish mammies have this power)
This secret could not get out! It would break all of the children's hearts!
And I know for sure if my 11 year old Yasmin found out now, she would be heart broken. Yasmin is only in 4th class now, so all of her classmates at 9 are still happy believers and because of her delayed maturity, she's really only 7 in her head. So, I am certainly not rushing in to break her little heart.
So when is a good time to tell your kids that Santa isn't real? And was it really fair to dis-allusion them for so long?
As my neighbor told me recently, when she told her twelve year old daughter that Santa wasn't real, her daughter was shocked! She had no idea he wasn't real. She asked her mom then, 'So who was that ole fella you brought me to every year and had me sitting on his lap??'
You know it's true. We give them this magic and fantasy for the first few years of their life and as soon as the awful puberty approaches, and they are mourning the loss of their childhood body, they have to deal with this tragic loss also! 'Santa's not real?'
I do think it's nice to have the magic and fantasy in kids life, but should we take it away completely?
Christmas does indeed come around very fast for us parents who are still struggling with the effects of the recession. And I can speak from experience, the stress of trying to meet the kids wants are tough.
I know many of us are cursing Santa's imminent arrival and welcome the little Smarty pants going around breaking our kids hearts for us.
But we don't have to turn into Bah Humbug himself, (I keep telling my husband)
And I don't want to come across too corny, but it can still be a time of magic. It is a time of gatherings and get togethers, so, we can look forward to those moments. We don't have to buy everybody presents, as it's the company that matters. (And a glass of vino)
When it's time for the kids to know about Santa, they will ask you first and then they are ready for the truth. And you can tell them, that Christmas is still a magical time. It's about new beginnings and family and friends and being loving and caring and sharing. We keep Santa around because it reminds us to be nicer. To share ourselves and our wealth with people we care about and who need it.
Jean xx
There's always one! You know the type? They're smarter than the average airy fairy kid who is happy in the knowledge that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and indeed Santa are all very real. These little innocents don't have the desire to discover anything. They are just so happy to place every little extravagant want on their list, knowing their beloved wishes will come true!
But the Smarty Pants wants to know why Santa didn't bring him his much desired, latest Super Duper, really expensive to buy X Box next generation?
He wants to get to the bottom of all these unasked for useless presents appearing every year under the Christmas Tree. There has to be a more logical explanation?
So the Smarty Pants puts on his detective ears and watch's his parents every move and every whisper until he finally discovers the secret stash of presents! He knew it! Mammy and Daddy are Santa! The Frauds. No wonder they kept saying Santa can't afford really expensive items!!
Now, delighted and also miserable in this new knowledge, he can't wait to tell all these idiot kids who still believe, that there is no such thing as Santa!
Two of the mammies at the school were outraged, as only us Irish mammies can be. So, they called an emergency meeting with the principle to have this child shut up! (Irish mammies have this power)
This secret could not get out! It would break all of the children's hearts!
And I know for sure if my 11 year old Yasmin found out now, she would be heart broken. Yasmin is only in 4th class now, so all of her classmates at 9 are still happy believers and because of her delayed maturity, she's really only 7 in her head. So, I am certainly not rushing in to break her little heart.
So when is a good time to tell your kids that Santa isn't real? And was it really fair to dis-allusion them for so long?
As my neighbor told me recently, when she told her twelve year old daughter that Santa wasn't real, her daughter was shocked! She had no idea he wasn't real. She asked her mom then, 'So who was that ole fella you brought me to every year and had me sitting on his lap??'
You know it's true. We give them this magic and fantasy for the first few years of their life and as soon as the awful puberty approaches, and they are mourning the loss of their childhood body, they have to deal with this tragic loss also! 'Santa's not real?'
I do think it's nice to have the magic and fantasy in kids life, but should we take it away completely?
Christmas does indeed come around very fast for us parents who are still struggling with the effects of the recession. And I can speak from experience, the stress of trying to meet the kids wants are tough.
I know many of us are cursing Santa's imminent arrival and welcome the little Smarty pants going around breaking our kids hearts for us.
But we don't have to turn into Bah Humbug himself, (I keep telling my husband)
And I don't want to come across too corny, but it can still be a time of magic. It is a time of gatherings and get togethers, so, we can look forward to those moments. We don't have to buy everybody presents, as it's the company that matters. (And a glass of vino)
When it's time for the kids to know about Santa, they will ask you first and then they are ready for the truth. And you can tell them, that Christmas is still a magical time. It's about new beginnings and family and friends and being loving and caring and sharing. We keep Santa around because it reminds us to be nicer. To share ourselves and our wealth with people we care about and who need it.
Jean xx
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