Just Fitting In!

So,
After Christmas, I felt my button on my jeans feel a little tight. I didn't weigh myself to see what the Christmas damage had been, but I knew all the extra eating and drinking and lack of good exercise was bound to have a negative effect on me to say the least!
So after all the Irish festivities, my new year's resolution began on the 8th January!
Yes, it was going to be dry January for me! No alcohol! I'm also cutting down on fat in my diet and focusing on cleansing my gut of all the built up toxins.
So, for me it's going to be a lot of fibre in my plan, with plenty of water, and smoothies and vegetables with lots of good long walks with my two huskies!
And positive brain washing!

I started my day giving thanks
Dear God,
I have everything I need today,
My children are nourished and warm,
My bills are paid,
Myself and my family are healthy today!
Thank you Lord!

It's all about living just in today and not worrying about tomorrow!

Ok, so just to give you an update on what I ate today! So, for breakfast, a pint of hot water with 1/4 squeezed orange juice, 1/2 bowl of albran and almond milk.
Mid morn I had a pint of warm water with a beroca with my lexopro as you need to B vitamins when you’re on anti depressants.
(Also, more than 2 cups of coffee a day depletes your anti depressant!)
For lunch I had two slices of light whole meal toast, a sliver of butter and a chopped banana; a cup of tea.
After I walked the dogs I had a pint of hot water.
Because of my light lunch, I gave myself a treat of a capuchino and a small bar of dairy milk choc.
And for my dinner, I had my chick pea and lots of vegetables stew with two slices of light whole meal bread!
I’ll be washing that down with a pint of hot water, which will make that my 4th pint of water today!
Knowing me, I’ll be hungry later on, so I’ll snack on celery and apples tonight!
😀
Jean xxx

A letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus

I hope this letter finds you well
I hope my Dad isn't giving you too much hassle up there
telling you how to rule the Heavens his way and all!
I hope the holes in your hands and feet haven't caused you any arthritic problems of late
As none of us are getting any younger....lol
And the one in your side must be crucifying, (No pun intended)

I want to thank you Jesus
For the lovely food and the great family gathering here in the mammy's
She's a great woman altogether
Cooking for her brood
On her dodgy knees that don't hurt
And her memory that loses count after six,
Her black roast potatoes are next to none
For sure.... lol

As I think back over the month of December
It was traumatic as ever
It was such a relief when Sarah began to eat proper food again
Her Summer in Los Angeles had her eating like the stars
 and grazing like the cows
Those neighing sounds she was making were a little bit worrying
And her trotting around the back garden with the dogs
Well, that was just down-right scary....
And Poor ole Shauna
She doesn't eat at all
Well, only chipper.... but that's not really eating....
It turns out, the people in her new job don't like her at all
It's such a shame....
Yes the world has gone funny since you were here Jesus
My nephew Ryan has gone missing
the last I heard of him was he got a job in SuperValu
 and he hasn't been seen since!
Elle is still working on her Santa list
and I guess she missed the deadline...
She was still trying to think what she wanted
lipstick or a sketch pad....mmmmmmmmm
It's just as well she had brothers
to nudge her into the living world....
Although Padraig is like a Vampire, he only comes out at night
He works in Bono's bar till 8am in the morning
Poor ma is worried sick that he's over worked and underpaid
And doing all that and staying sober!
Good for him Jesus!
And Pierce,
Well now that he's got rid of his Acne, he's up to all sorts!
He can shave his ten hairs off his chin
without slicing off the lumps and bleeding to death
which is such a relief to his Ma
She sobs with emotion each time she sees him now...
Bella little Bella
tall and lean
It wasn't so long ago when that little sumu wrestler
lifted those hefty legs of hers up off the ground at one year of age and began to walk!
I couldn't believe my eyes!
Her little pudding face was determined in her mission
And Finn,
He was oblivious to it all
he was still dribbling happily while looking for his tail
No Finn, you were never a puppy!
Koda,
Now there's a puppy!
Big innocent blue eyes!
sleeps in Josie's bed and pushes her out,
Tell's Becca to go walk herself
and bans Alex from entering the garden,
It's just as well Alex spends many hours in the shops
buying new runners.... lol
And what a lovely surprise to have Joe Murray arrive
with his lovely daughter Emma
It took a while for the poor little thing to acclimatise to the dull and the grey
but she soon got the hang of it
And after trying all our different sort of french fries, she found her favourite food
Thank goodness Jesus, I thought she was going to starve!
She settled for the french fries with ketchup!
So Yasmin brought her friends Kate and Robyn over for a sleep over
with her cousin Emma,
Well, this is how the night went, Yasmin was sleeping with Emma, then Emma was sleeping with Kate then Kate was sleeping with Robyn then Emma was found on the floor of her dad's room and then Robyn was sleeping with Yasmin then Yasmin was sleeping with Sarah then Kate was found in the wardrobe room....
and then Yasmin was sleeping with me and Anto and then I was on the floor and then Anto was on the sofa and Robyn had the best bed!
And then when Anto nearly burned the house down
I ended up back on the sofa again!
The wrinkles are gathering nicely around my eyes Jesus
Albeit a few years premature!
And don't even mention the toilets!
It is like a Merry Christmas indeed with me flushing each toilet in rotation
To rid them them of pooh!
And you know I don't do pooh Dear Jesus!
So now,
Thanks very much Jesus
As always
You are too kind to me indeed!
Have a very Merry Christmas!

Jean xxx

Poor Little flower

It's so sad to see
A flower so fragile
Damaged
by the rugged elements of it's life
A beautiful bud
It began the world in such grace
And now
devoid of colour
fluttering petals
afraid to bloom

Did God know when he planted this flower
where it would end
Nobody to help it flourish
or Nurture it
What was his plan at all
Poor little flower
Cowering in it's little corner
So perfect in it's little form
But so untrusting
Afraid
What's for you little flower
How will you ever bloom

There in that dark corner of this beautiful world
Hidden from all to see
Your exquisite beauty
Your perfect contribution of vibrancy
Of Grace
As your beautiful petals
Dance all alone in that dark little corner
Hidden
For no-one to see
Poor little flower
How will you call out for water from the rain
And warmth from the sunshine
Little flower
How will you ever bloom

It's up to you little flower
You have to find a way
Out of the dark cold corner
Hidden
Stretch your little petals
Reach out for the rain drops
Lean as far as you can into the Sunshine
Fight for your precious life little flower
Don't be afraid to bloom

Jean xxx

A peak into my wacky brain!

Dear friend,

  I feel I owe you a bit of an explanation why I don’t go for coffee anymore,
 Mine is a simple excuse,
 As a one income family with two horses in livery and lessons and competitions, all my spare money is taken already,
With college fees and the girls needs, there is little room for treats for me
But I'm not complaining,
I'm glad that I can save on some of the expensive luxuries of a girls life
 by doing all our own hair and manicures and pedicures! 
As a hairdresser, thank goodness, I’ve got these skills!
 I did bake my first ever Christmas cake this year from the Odlums recipe,
 It looks ok and I hope to make my Mam and my friends their cakes too,
 As with expensive riding presents for under our tree,
 I can’t afford to pay at the moment for delicious ordered cakes! 
You’re probably thinking I’m going with someone else, but I’m not,
 I have tried other's coffee, but it’s not to my liking,
 I am awfully fussy! . 
Sarah does love the new designer salads in the new designer cafe's and I like to buy them for her.
 I’ve had to watch Yasmins weight so I haven’t brought her to coffee shops either because she only gets the full pancakes and bacon, so avoidance is better than refusal.
 I make her a nice omelette instead at home! 
Because she gets her take away chips every weekend, 
I’m really conscious of healthy cooking at home. 
We do have a family treat of course and that’s in a restaurant where they serve my favourite beer!
 It was just once a month during the recession but now it’s twice a month and sometimes once a week!
 I would only get a scone and a capuchino when I went with you anyway,
 so that the girls could have what they wanted,
 and if I had any complaints,
 it was only the scone. 
A lover of scones, it was a little bit doughy and underdone,
 with not much blue berries or fruit in it. 
What I am I like!
 But for the only treat I liked,
I wanted to enjoy it!
 I just have my coffee at home now, with a couple of choc digestives 😀 
I'm a funny individual
I am not a creature of habit
I can't continue regularities or rituals like most people
I like the old reliable
I love my own company where I can't make a fool of myself
I do find me strange and hard to understand at times!
I don't like to get to close to people or too depended on
As I inevitably will let them down
And then when it is discovered that I am not this really nice person
I am too embarrassed to face you again....
Jean xxx

A letter to Joe Duffy

Dear Joe, 

Just in relation to the water charges being returned. It is being requested now that we donate this money to the homeless societies, as what’s gone from our pocket already, we won’t miss.

I don’t agree. I think that during the time that people had to pay their water charges, they struggled to do so, as we were slap bang in the middle of the 2010 recession. For most people the prospect of this returned money is a welcome one.

I have huge sympathy for the homeless, but I think the onus of responsibility lies with our government to sort this mess out.

Look around Ireland, although there are wealthy people living here, there are still many, many poor people. We are mostly a working class country and it’s these working class and poor families that are rife with disfunction.

And through poverty and disfunction comes un-catered for emotional and educational needs which in turn grows dysfunctional adults who may find themselves unable to cope with the high cost of living in Ireland today.

 Gone is the ability to gain a council property once you are married with children as in my parents day. The ridiculous rents and costs to buy a home is out of reach for a lot of young couples today. It's unfair of a government to expect every young couple or individual to be able to buy a average size property for 300,000 euros or rent an average size apartment in the city for 1500 euros a month.

I look at my own last child age thirteen and use her as an example as a child with a lot of learning challenges. I'm not sure she would be able to gain a working role with a high enough wage that will see her able to buy or rent a home when she gets to her mid or late twenties. This responsibility is on myself and my husband to make sure that she will be provided for.

And there are many others in this same position, who are already helping their adult children out by cooking food for them, buying clothes, giving money and providing some help in sheltering them as much as they can.

And when those parents receive their water charges back, you can be sure they are probably going to spend it on their  adult children anyway.

Despite there being thousands of families homeless, there are many more thousands of families still trying to catch up on arrears and debt since the recession.

It’s unfair that these parents have to take in their adult children with partners and children. It just doesn’t work.

As a member of a large family, I have also witnessed some family members who struggled because of addiction,debt and homelessness. 

And not having escaped the recession ourselves, we have had our own struggles, but being a nation of majority Catholic living with Christian values, we will always strive to help others first. 

I know when I receive my water money back, I’ll be happy to share a bit of it.

There are many people who have homes who would not be able to afford many luxuries for Christmas at all, so I'll be delighted to give someone a good hamper of goodies!

The government needs to provide council homes to young single or married couples at an affordable rental cost, like they used to in the 70's.

 There are so many more issues for the homeless people as well though, that housing alone won’t sort out. 

They will need educational and emotional support too in order to learn the skills that will protect their own children from falling into the same difficulties that they did.

Yours sincerely

Jean

The daughter who had to leave home

 This a a story about my Mother and my sister who had to emigrate to Canada six years ago.
 
 
 It was the saddest day of all when my sister had to depart in the Fall of 2011,
 She was one of six daughters to Marie
  And Christy who sadly passed away a few short years before,
 Mam loved her close family unit and when her fourteen grandchildren came along,
 as close as her own brood,
 She was never happier than to see them altogether
 squabbling and laughing
 Just like her own

 Mam never had much in life
 Raising her own children right slap bang in the middle of the 70’s recession
 Her husband took to the drink and lost his job
 He was angry and sad
 My Mam was like a trojan then
 What a wonderful woman who stood by her man with grace and humility
 She made wonderful dinners from little
 and loved and lived for her children
 She was never angry or blaming
 And had great faith in God!

 An amazing gift she had through all of those years
 Was to open the hall door on our arrival from a tough day at school,
 hungry from the cold and a long wintry day,
 Was to greet us always with a smile
 And a bowl of stew

 Our house was poor with holes in the walls from my poor Dad’s depression
 And window’s were often broken
 But it was always clean
 And when Christmas came along there was no-one like my Dad who was in full festive cheer
 He helped all the neighbours bone and roll their Turkey’s and Hams
 Happily accepting a glass of Whiskey for his trouble…
 He played his Christmas music on the record player for all to here
 And he brought the funniest shaped Christmas tree home one year!
 We all said he must have cut it down himself from some where……
 But we sat around that tree and sang Christmas Carols….
 And Santa brought us presents too!
 But Christmas was a sad time for us too
 Because of his Depression
 
 My sister Elle was the fifth daughter for Mam
 She had a beautiful soul
 Never a trouble
 Never bold
 Kind and gentle
 Adoring of her two children 
 
 I’ll never forget my mam’s face of sadness and bravery all mixed up in one,
 when her beautiful child told her that she to leave her homeland for a better future for her kids….
 In true mammy style
 She kept her sadness to herself
 Encouraging of her daughter’s new life
 And silently broken as she wondered would she ever see her again…
 
 It was tough for my sister's husband through this last recession
 With the mortgage to pay and and a family to feed
 He had to travel to Dublin for over an hour in the car each day
 for any little work
 And the diesel was huge money!
 The stress in their life was great
 And when they made the decision for a life where work was plenty
 I’m sure she battled with it well
 So, it was on the furthest western coast of Canada
 Where the winters were harsh 
 And there would be no Mammy’s stew…..
 She knew Mammy would be too scared to fly all that way too….
 
 But sure wouldn’t they be able to get home often enough?
 But not when life and work and school gets in the way
 And ever increasing airfare
 Well, she did get home when Mammy had an aneurysm removed from her brain a couple of years back
 Just by herself
 And she went back to her new home with a heavy heart
 knowing Mam was getting on….
 
 Mam's siblings are passing each year
 One of which a best friend
 who’s heart she held dear
 Her memory had almost but forgot who my Mam was 
 And in my mammy’s mind, she is wondering 
 will this soon be her…..
 
 So she’s throwing a feast this Christmas Day
 with all the trimmings and Christmas Music to play
 She wants all her brood there 
 to mind them and love them and feed them
 and here them laughing
 So that she can hold on to that memory
 lest next Christmas might be different…..
 
 I know with no doubt 
 that my Mam’s wish for Christmas is to bring Eleanor home
 to be with her sisters
 And not be alone
 There in the vast country of Canada
 With Hugo her husband 
 And Sean and Grace
 To be with all their cousins
 In One Happy Place!
 
 I miss my sister and the others do too!
 I would be so happy if my Mam’s wish came true!
  xxx
  Jean 

Taking things for granted

As a child growing up through the 1970's recession, there were many hard times and there were certainly no luxuries. It was a big deal for the parents to throw you a 21st birthday party and I remember how hard it was for my Dad to get 200 pounds together to pay for my party. But I never remember wanting for anything nor feeling I was missing out on things. We were always taught, when you're earning yourself, you can buy it.
 I was a young mother, so I could never really save much of my earned cash from then on as the child's needs came first. My only wish was to go on holiday every year. I loved going away to the sun and I would happily save for that, year in and year out.
My first big purchase was in 1990 when I bought a house down the road from my mam. It was a small price of 18,000 pounds and I was quite able to get together the deposit fee of 1800 pounds. The interest rate at the time was 18% and my repayments were 300 pounds per month. I had been paying 185 pounds per month for an apartment, so it wasn't much more in the difference. That was only 27 years ago and in comparison, today, a young couple must save 30,000 euros for their first deposit which is very hard to accomplish.
The house was in a very old state and needed lots of work to modernise it and yet I still remember being satisfied at it's basic state. My wants were very realistic. And I had no problem getting my hands dirty in cleaning it up and making it livable in. I think again, that coming from a very modest background, I was very grounded.
I considered myself quite fortunate to be able to get on the property ladder.
I didn't drive at the time as I lived in Dublin city within walking distance of everything so that was less expense.
I remember living within my means. I didn't look at expensive furniture or toys or clothes. One of my favourite purchases was a beautiful three, two, one suite, that I bought from my boss at the time for 200 pounds. It was of really good quality and I reckon he and his wife had done me a very kind gesture and I was very grateful.
And then that all changed in 2002 when all of a sudden we were in a position to move to a bigger house. And then we could get the nice car and go on nicer holidays and it's amazing how in such a short time, you become used to getting things when you want them and you start taking things for granted.
Everything was replaceable, it wasn't a big deal reversing your car into anything, sure it was easily fixed and sure you'd be trading it in next year anyway. And I don't think I realised that I might have begun to appear spoiled to others around me, by having new things very quickly. But what I was really doing was making things very difficult for myself in the future if anything were to go wrong.
And then the recession hit America in 2007 and we all knew it was on the way here. It hit us like a force ten hurricane in 2009. It came in fast and destroyed very quickly.
Nobody likes bad things happening to them but there are always lessons to be learned. I certainly became more frugal. There was no old food going in my bin. I became a wiser grocery shopper. Clothes were better cared for. I stayed with the same old car, it did the job just fine.
I realised the value of your life is more important
So now, in the final months of 2017, I let myself get a new car. I was very reluctant, least of all, going into payments again, but it was a real case of need.
 I spent the whole of the Summer in and out of garages with one or other of our jeeps with various engine problems and I spent many times broken down on back roads with steam billowing from the bonnet of our Toyota Cruiser! At fifty, I had decided to shave my hair close to my scalp so now I had the look of a crazy woman dressed in pink gym gear, (Just in case I had an opportunity between horse shows to jog my hyper huskies ten miles or so!) I'm trying to hold back the forty stone dogs from legging it whilst unhitching the horse box in fear of the jeep blowing up and the pony being burned to death. All that and trying to be Mother of the year by not strangling my twelve year old daughter to quieten her hysterical crying!
 Or sometimes I just couldn't turn off the engine of our range Rover for fear of it not starting up again, because of an alternator  problem, so I would just put it into park and go off about my errands. And I can honestly tell you that there are many, many honest people in the world and one of which who kindly watched over my running jeep while I went into the Dublin Horse Show to watch 'The Aga Khan', I kid you not.
I couldn't lock it either, because if I did, that 2007 was impossible to get into if the battery died. Every Auto Assist has tried in vain. The only way is to break the window and after three times doing that, we finally got a lock smith. Yeh, we don't rush into things....
So finally last Saturday after a day driving around in the Range Rover pulling the horse box to killossory for my daughter's dressage test and show-jumping and then going to see my Mother in Dublin and all the while leaving the engine running and again, very honest people in Dublin, or else nobody was interested in taking it on!
 I gave in. I went and looked for a new car.
And I love it. It's new and shiny and trendy and everything works in it!!
And I'm very appreciative of it. I know how lucky I am and I certainly won't be taking things for granted anymore.
Jean xxxx