Thank You Teachers

I had no doubt at all some eight years ago,

When I dropped my little petal into the front doors

 of Rathbeggan National School,

We were welcomed with warmth and smiling, confident faces,

I knew this meadow, full of many fragrant blossoms

 could nurture my beautiful flower also,

Settling in those first couple of years,

 learning how to learn

And learning how to make friends

Was challenging for my little flower,

But despite the windstorms and hail,

 She was held tight by the strong branches 

Of this lovely orchard

And a difficult task to these wonderful teachers

Who dedicate their time and knowledge and kindness

To educate and teach my flower the ways of the meadow of life

Of how to grow strong and how to grow safe 

Among the cascading flowers of this beautiful World 

That God created  

Then slowly and consistently,

My flower began to grow

Her petals began to flourish and blossom 

With wonderful vibrant colours of knowledge

Encouraged to run, encouraged to race

Encouraged to sing and encouraged to have fun!

Encouraged to live this wonderful life with confidence!

I came back these past days to collect my little flower

To take her on to the next meadow of life 

And I cannot believe my eyes

Her petals are strong and 

Sparkling in colour

Who is this beauty?

And how did this happen?

My heart is full of gratitude to this meadow

The strength of your trees and your branches 

That hold on to each and every petal 

And take care of them

 With borrowed time

But she will take this family with her 

As she grows

And the foundations of growth that she has gained from your meadow

 will guide her always

In her own garden

 Of this beautiful life

Thank you all xxxx

Jean Murray

Life gets in the way

Your first moment of looking at your beautiful new born baby is precious. Your child is perfect in it's innocence. It has no worries, no issues. It's not capable of hatred or evil. It's only ability is to love and be loved. You promise to love and raise your child in that ethos.
 But then life gets in the way.
As a mother who developed depression as soon as my first child was born, I stupidly thought my child wouldn't be effected by my moods. What must it have been like as a baby to here your mother crying or shouting in frustration or just being sad all the time. He must have been so scared and so sad himself. He was a sensitive lad. He learned not to upset me. And then he grew away from me.
I thought I did it better on my second child, I thought I hid my anguish well, but I didn't. She saw my sadness too and she learned to hide her emotions completely. And the poor little pet had her little worries and fears, but she never told me about them. She didn't want to upset me, so she buried them. But emotions and feelings need to be expressed and if they're suppressed they do their own bit of damage..... Oh if I could only turn the clock back, I would do it so differently. I would know how to be a proper mother. I wouldn't carry as much guilt.
Why didn't I know how to be a good mother? I remember asking myself that question time and time again. It felt like such a hard job. Not the general caring for the babies, but the crying and upsets. The eating problems and the toilet training accidents. I was way out of my depth. The no sleep is a big thing I know, but no excuse for anger. I felt incapable.
When my last child came along, I went and got help for my depression and I realised I had to be a better mother. I needed to listen to my children's emotional needs and react accordingly.
I know now how to be a proper mother. Well, I'm not a super mom or anything, but I now know how to meet my children's emotional needs. By listening and dealing with things slowly.
Because that little innocent bundle of love that is as absorbent as a sponge is witness to you. Your life's issues, your pain, your sadness, your loss.
And as your little child grows, it grows in fear.  It's education is marred by worry and anxiety. It learns that the world is a scary place.

jean xxx

Just Fitting In!

So,
After Christmas, I felt my button on my jeans feel a little tight. I didn't weigh myself to see what the Christmas damage had been, but I knew all the extra eating and drinking and lack of good exercise was bound to have a negative effect on me to say the least!
So after all the Irish festivities, my new year's resolution began on the 8th January!
Yes, it was going to be dry January for me! No alcohol! I'm also cutting down on fat in my diet and focusing on cleansing my gut of all the built up toxins.
So, for me it's going to be a lot of fibre in my plan, with plenty of water, and smoothies and vegetables with lots of good long walks with my two huskies!
And positive brain washing!

I started my day giving thanks
Dear God,
I have everything I need today,
My children are nourished and warm,
My bills are paid,
Myself and my family are healthy today!
Thank you Lord!

It's all about living just in today and not worrying about tomorrow!

Ok, so just to give you an update on what I ate today! So, for breakfast, a pint of hot water with 1/4 squeezed orange juice, 1/2 bowl of albran and almond milk.
Mid morn I had a pint of warm water with a beroca with my lexopro as you need to B vitamins when you’re on anti depressants.
(Also, more than 2 cups of coffee a day depletes your anti depressant!)
For lunch I had two slices of light whole meal toast, a sliver of butter and a chopped banana; a cup of tea.
After I walked the dogs I had a pint of hot water.
Because of my light lunch, I gave myself a treat of a capuchino and a small bar of dairy milk choc.
And for my dinner, I had my chick pea and lots of vegetables stew with two slices of light whole meal bread!
I’ll be washing that down with a pint of hot water, which will make that my 4th pint of water today!
Knowing me, I’ll be hungry later on, so I’ll snack on celery and apples tonight!
😀
Jean xxx

A letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus

I hope this letter finds you well
I hope my Dad isn't giving you too much hassle up there
telling you how to rule the Heavens his way and all!
I hope the holes in your hands and feet haven't caused you any arthritic problems of late
As none of us are getting any younger....lol
And the one in your side must be crucifying, (No pun intended)

I want to thank you Jesus
For the lovely food and the great family gathering here in the mammy's
She's a great woman altogether
Cooking for her brood
On her dodgy knees that don't hurt
And her memory that loses count after six,
Her black roast potatoes are next to none
For sure.... lol

As I think back over the month of December
It was traumatic as ever
It was such a relief when Sarah began to eat proper food again
Her Summer in Los Angeles had her eating like the stars
 and grazing like the cows
Those neighing sounds she was making were a little bit worrying
And her trotting around the back garden with the dogs
Well, that was just down-right scary....
And Poor ole Shauna
She doesn't eat at all
Well, only chipper.... but that's not really eating....
It turns out, the people in her new job don't like her at all
It's such a shame....
Yes the world has gone funny since you were here Jesus
My nephew Ryan has gone missing
the last I heard of him was he got a job in SuperValu
 and he hasn't been seen since!
Elle is still working on her Santa list
and I guess she missed the deadline...
She was still trying to think what she wanted
lipstick or a sketch pad....mmmmmmmmm
It's just as well she had brothers
to nudge her into the living world....
Although Padraig is like a Vampire, he only comes out at night
He works in Bono's bar till 8am in the morning
Poor ma is worried sick that he's over worked and underpaid
And doing all that and staying sober!
Good for him Jesus!
And Pierce,
Well now that he's got rid of his Acne, he's up to all sorts!
He can shave his ten hairs off his chin
without slicing off the lumps and bleeding to death
which is such a relief to his Ma
She sobs with emotion each time she sees him now...
Bella little Bella
tall and lean
It wasn't so long ago when that little sumu wrestler
lifted those hefty legs of hers up off the ground at one year of age and began to walk!
I couldn't believe my eyes!
Her little pudding face was determined in her mission
And Finn,
He was oblivious to it all
he was still dribbling happily while looking for his tail
No Finn, you were never a puppy!
Koda,
Now there's a puppy!
Big innocent blue eyes!
sleeps in Josie's bed and pushes her out,
Tell's Becca to go walk herself
and bans Alex from entering the garden,
It's just as well Alex spends many hours in the shops
buying new runners.... lol
And what a lovely surprise to have Joe Murray arrive
with his lovely daughter Emma
It took a while for the poor little thing to acclimatise to the dull and the grey
but she soon got the hang of it
And after trying all our different sort of french fries, she found her favourite food
Thank goodness Jesus, I thought she was going to starve!
She settled for the french fries with ketchup!
So Yasmin brought her friends Kate and Robyn over for a sleep over
with her cousin Emma,
Well, this is how the night went, Yasmin was sleeping with Emma, then Emma was sleeping with Kate then Kate was sleeping with Robyn then Emma was found on the floor of her dad's room and then Robyn was sleeping with Yasmin then Yasmin was sleeping with Sarah then Kate was found in the wardrobe room....
and then Yasmin was sleeping with me and Anto and then I was on the floor and then Anto was on the sofa and Robyn had the best bed!
And then when Anto nearly burned the house down
I ended up back on the sofa again!
The wrinkles are gathering nicely around my eyes Jesus
Albeit a few years premature!
And don't even mention the toilets!
It is like a Merry Christmas indeed with me flushing each toilet in rotation
To rid them them of pooh!
And you know I don't do pooh Dear Jesus!
So now,
Thanks very much Jesus
As always
You are too kind to me indeed!
Have a very Merry Christmas!

Jean xxx

Poor Little flower

It's so sad to see
A flower so fragile
Damaged
by the rugged elements of it's life
A beautiful bud
It began the world in such grace
And now
devoid of colour
fluttering petals
afraid to bloom

Did God know when he planted this flower
where it would end
Nobody to help it flourish
or Nurture it
What was his plan at all
Poor little flower
Cowering in it's little corner
So perfect in it's little form
But so untrusting
Afraid
What's for you little flower
How will you ever bloom

There in that dark corner of this beautiful world
Hidden from all to see
Your exquisite beauty
Your perfect contribution of vibrancy
Of Grace
As your beautiful petals
Dance all alone in that dark little corner
Hidden
For no-one to see
Poor little flower
How will you call out for water from the rain
And warmth from the sunshine
Little flower
How will you ever bloom

It's up to you little flower
You have to find a way
Out of the dark cold corner
Hidden
Stretch your little petals
Reach out for the rain drops
Lean as far as you can into the Sunshine
Fight for your precious life little flower
Don't be afraid to bloom

Jean xxx

A peak into my wacky brain!

Dear friend,

  I feel I owe you a bit of an explanation why I don’t go for coffee anymore,
 Mine is a simple excuse,
 As a one income family with two horses in livery and lessons and competitions, all my spare money is taken already,
With college fees and the girls needs, there is little room for treats for me
But I'm not complaining,
I'm glad that I can save on some of the expensive luxuries of a girls life
 by doing all our own hair and manicures and pedicures! 
As a hairdresser, thank goodness, I’ve got these skills!
 I did bake my first ever Christmas cake this year from the Odlums recipe,
 It looks ok and I hope to make my Mam and my friends their cakes too,
 As with expensive riding presents for under our tree,
 I can’t afford to pay at the moment for delicious ordered cakes! 
You’re probably thinking I’m going with someone else, but I’m not,
 I have tried other's coffee, but it’s not to my liking,
 I am awfully fussy! . 
Sarah does love the new designer salads in the new designer cafe's and I like to buy them for her.
 I’ve had to watch Yasmins weight so I haven’t brought her to coffee shops either because she only gets the full pancakes and bacon, so avoidance is better than refusal.
 I make her a nice omelette instead at home! 
Because she gets her take away chips every weekend, 
I’m really conscious of healthy cooking at home. 
We do have a family treat of course and that’s in a restaurant where they serve my favourite beer!
 It was just once a month during the recession but now it’s twice a month and sometimes once a week!
 I would only get a scone and a capuchino when I went with you anyway,
 so that the girls could have what they wanted,
 and if I had any complaints,
 it was only the scone. 
A lover of scones, it was a little bit doughy and underdone,
 with not much blue berries or fruit in it. 
What I am I like!
 But for the only treat I liked,
I wanted to enjoy it!
 I just have my coffee at home now, with a couple of choc digestives 😀 
I'm a funny individual
I am not a creature of habit
I can't continue regularities or rituals like most people
I like the old reliable
I love my own company where I can't make a fool of myself
I do find me strange and hard to understand at times!
I don't like to get to close to people or too depended on
As I inevitably will let them down
And then when it is discovered that I am not this really nice person
I am too embarrassed to face you again....
Jean xxx

A letter to Joe Duffy

Dear Joe, 

Just in relation to the water charges being returned. It is being requested now that we donate this money to the homeless societies, as what’s gone from our pocket already, we won’t miss.

I don’t agree. I think that during the time that people had to pay their water charges, they struggled to do so, as we were slap bang in the middle of the 2010 recession. For most people the prospect of this returned money is a welcome one.

I have huge sympathy for the homeless, but I think the onus of responsibility lies with our government to sort this mess out.

Look around Ireland, although there are wealthy people living here, there are still many, many poor people. We are mostly a working class country and it’s these working class and poor families that are rife with disfunction.

And through poverty and disfunction comes un-catered for emotional and educational needs which in turn grows dysfunctional adults who may find themselves unable to cope with the high cost of living in Ireland today.

 Gone is the ability to gain a council property once you are married with children as in my parents day. The ridiculous rents and costs to buy a home is out of reach for a lot of young couples today. It's unfair of a government to expect every young couple or individual to be able to buy a average size property for 300,000 euros or rent an average size apartment in the city for 1500 euros a month.

I look at my own last child age thirteen and use her as an example as a child with a lot of learning challenges. I'm not sure she would be able to gain a working role with a high enough wage that will see her able to buy or rent a home when she gets to her mid or late twenties. This responsibility is on myself and my husband to make sure that she will be provided for.

And there are many others in this same position, who are already helping their adult children out by cooking food for them, buying clothes, giving money and providing some help in sheltering them as much as they can.

And when those parents receive their water charges back, you can be sure they are probably going to spend it on their  adult children anyway.

Despite there being thousands of families homeless, there are many more thousands of families still trying to catch up on arrears and debt since the recession.

It’s unfair that these parents have to take in their adult children with partners and children. It just doesn’t work.

As a member of a large family, I have also witnessed some family members who struggled because of addiction,debt and homelessness. 

And not having escaped the recession ourselves, we have had our own struggles, but being a nation of majority Catholic living with Christian values, we will always strive to help others first. 

I know when I receive my water money back, I’ll be happy to share a bit of it.

There are many people who have homes who would not be able to afford many luxuries for Christmas at all, so I'll be delighted to give someone a good hamper of goodies!

The government needs to provide council homes to young single or married couples at an affordable rental cost, like they used to in the 70's.

 There are so many more issues for the homeless people as well though, that housing alone won’t sort out. 

They will need educational and emotional support too in order to learn the skills that will protect their own children from falling into the same difficulties that they did.

Yours sincerely

Jean