There were a few blogs I had written during my last dose of depression that I didn't publish because they show the inner debt of me at the time, so I saved them in drafts; One of which I published just before this one. Thankfully I am feeling really well at the moment, but I'd like to explain what it's like when it hits.
I am on Lexapro anti depressant 20 mils now and I think it's grand. There are no side effects and I certainly don't feel addicted to it. Because I did come off it and on it a few times in my last few years, I would be very reluctant to come off it at the moment.
Anti depressant's don't make you better, but they do replace the chemical that is low in depressed people. You also need to do the emotional work to find out all about you in order for them to be successful. I have successfully done the work on myself and I realize that for me, I need to be in a positive and grateful place each day, so it is a continuation of work. I don't mind that. In my book, 'My Beautiful Flower' I describe that I was a negative, fearful person. In my recovery, in the last two years, I brainwashed myself into positive thinking and gratitude. Believe me, that is the key.
So how come I was in a bad emotional state again in the middle of April this year till the middle of May?
I look at it like this; You can take all your flu vitamins but you can still get the flu if you are over worked, it's the same for the brain. I had a lot of emotional stress and financial stress in my life these past couple of months, even though I was doing my work on myself and my walks, I was emotionally and physically overworked.
 And I fell. I knew what was happening this time so I knew I had to go through the motions. A month is a long time to be mentally ill and I tried to use all my helping skills to get me through it.
Eventually, thank God, I did get through it.
Yes, I know now that when I do come off my medication I will get these bouts of depression still, just like the flu.
When I looked back on my saved blogs this morning, I wasn't surprised, because I know me. But if I had of acted out any of my crazy thoughts at the time, I would've caused a lot of upheaval in everyone's lives.
I did act out on one, but I'm not ready to share that with you yet.xx Jean