Isn't it funny how the most difficult thing to do in life is to get along with people? Any people, of all ages but especially women. Why are women so difficult to get along with? We're cagey around each other, cautious. As a woman myself, I have had to manoeuvre myself through my life amongst women. In the home, in the workplace, in social areas. When I was a little girl growing up in the streets of Dublin city, I had plenty of hairs pulled from my head in cat fights to state my place on the road. It was very similar in the workplace too without the physical hair pulling, but the women there would verbally hair pull you!
Why are we like this?
It starts as early as when baby girls are born. They are adorably cute. They soon become assertive toddlers, then bossy little girls, then moody young women and then angry old women.
Does our initial cuteness grow into attention neediness? And when we don't get the attention needed, do we become jealous? Spiteful?
We are quite an emotional genre. We are so full of drama. We are so easily threatened!
There's the initial threat from other women. How they look. If they're beautiful, God help them! That just makes us envious (and envy is the route of all evil as we know). Add in a bit of talent, deduct more more marks for that! If they're smart, mothers, career women and seem to carry it all off with relative ease, they will be hated!
God help the woman who has cute looking kids! Resentment will be passed on to the threatened women's kids who will happily torture the cute kids forever!
It will be worse for the wealthy woman, she will be silently resented. The other women may allow her into their circles, but only to keep an eye on her, to find out her weakness's and use them against her when the time comes.
We all know it would be disastrous for a woman to run the world. One bad period and everybody would be blown up! Don't underestimate a woman's periods, or the damage they are allowed to do. (I say allowed because we can be controlled!) The woman spends 30 days in constant hormonal upheaval. She's happy, she's sad, she's moody, she's angry and she can turn into the Devil Incarnate at a moment's notice! Can you imagine her making Head of State decisions?
Just look at the damage Margaret Thatcher and Marie Antoinette did. They were typical resentful women. They had no empathy for others. Both from completely different times had the same stubbornness that left their country man starving.
Everything is so personal with a woman.
So how do we women live together side by side, without constant bloodshed?
Some of us become submissive. We give in. We know we have to do everything to keep the peace with the other women. We go along with things to be accepted. We suit them rather than ourselves.
We dress down and blend into the shadows.
It's much easier to be no threat to another woman because if another woman decides to get her claws into you, she won't stop till she destroys.
Jean xxx
Thursday 20 August 2015
Wednesday 12 August 2015
Some things never change!
We are quite privileged in Ireland to have our Dublin Airport in the midst of hectares of fields in Swords, County Dublin. There is plenty of room in the circumference of the airport for people to come and watch the planes taking off and landing. Isn't it amazing that this common day practice can hold people's attention for hours?
We know planes can fly, they've been doing it for nearly one hundred years now, but I think us common people are still fascinated by how they do it. It just seems so effortless for this tonne of weight to lift itself up into the air. Not too bothered about how things work myself, I don't really have that kind of interest in them but they do still amaze me. And as I was driving past the 'plane watchers' this morning, it brought me back to the time when my Dad used to bring me and my sisters to the exact same place to watch the planes during our very young years of three, four and five.
My Dad died in 2006 at age 64 of cancer. I wrote a lot about him in my book, 'My Beautiful Flower', but there was so much that I didn't put in.
Dad would only have been a young man of about 29 years when I was a five year old. He was over six foot in height and was of lean build. He worked in Buckley's abattoir in Camden street, so he was used to lifting cows onto his back then. He had a head of thick, curly black hair and lovely blue eyes. He had always loved Elvis and he like most young teenage boys of even today had gone down the route of trying to be a guitar player before he married my Mam, (which apparently, he sold his guitar to buy her engagement ring!) I look at my own handsome son of almost 26 years and although he's fair haired, he reminds me a lot of my dad. He's not as tall as my dad, Anthony stops at six foot, but he has a lot of his mannerisms!
We lived in Ballymun flats till I was about seven years of age, so we had plenty of visits to Dublin airport to watch the planes. Dad was proud of his three little girls, Olive with brown curly hair, me with black curly hair and josie with blonde curly hair, (My Mam had red hair!) Sharon was only a baby back home and Eleanor and Christine hadn't come along yet. Dad would park the Buckley's van on the side of the airport road and he'd lift us onto the bonnet. He'd take out the sandwiches Mam made for us and we'd sit there for hours eagerly waiting for the planes to land and then take off again.
And you know, forty years on, there are still Dad's who are parked there in that very same place on the side of the road and they sit their children on their car bonnets. Things haven't even changed that much with aeroplanes! They still do more or less the same thing, they still look pretty much the same! The side of the road hasn't even changed, it hasn't been cemented in, it hasn't even been walled around. It still has the old hill right behind where the cars reverse in for the the best viewing spot. How many more Daddy's brought their kids there on a Sunday morning while the Mammy at home prepared the Sunday dinner? There should be some kind of monument for Daddy's right there in that spot.
I remember my Dad was so encouraging, telling us everything about the planes, how they took off, how they flew in the air. He had never even flown in an aeroplane before, but he always spoke of when he would and he would go to Australia too! He was such a young man, with great dreams for his life. Unfortunately, for Dad and the other young Irish Dad's of that time, the 1970's recession was about to hit and ten years on the dole queue killed my Dad's spirit and dreams.
When he was dying, he was wondering what he had done in his life. He really thought he was a failure. He said all he did was mess up in life. Thankfully, all his girls told him he was great and he did his best and he taught us loads. Because he did. He and many other Father's like him. He thought us to be tough. To work hard. To love your family. Was there anything more he could have done?
Jean xx
We know planes can fly, they've been doing it for nearly one hundred years now, but I think us common people are still fascinated by how they do it. It just seems so effortless for this tonne of weight to lift itself up into the air. Not too bothered about how things work myself, I don't really have that kind of interest in them but they do still amaze me. And as I was driving past the 'plane watchers' this morning, it brought me back to the time when my Dad used to bring me and my sisters to the exact same place to watch the planes during our very young years of three, four and five.
My Dad died in 2006 at age 64 of cancer. I wrote a lot about him in my book, 'My Beautiful Flower', but there was so much that I didn't put in.
Dad would only have been a young man of about 29 years when I was a five year old. He was over six foot in height and was of lean build. He worked in Buckley's abattoir in Camden street, so he was used to lifting cows onto his back then. He had a head of thick, curly black hair and lovely blue eyes. He had always loved Elvis and he like most young teenage boys of even today had gone down the route of trying to be a guitar player before he married my Mam, (which apparently, he sold his guitar to buy her engagement ring!) I look at my own handsome son of almost 26 years and although he's fair haired, he reminds me a lot of my dad. He's not as tall as my dad, Anthony stops at six foot, but he has a lot of his mannerisms!
We lived in Ballymun flats till I was about seven years of age, so we had plenty of visits to Dublin airport to watch the planes. Dad was proud of his three little girls, Olive with brown curly hair, me with black curly hair and josie with blonde curly hair, (My Mam had red hair!) Sharon was only a baby back home and Eleanor and Christine hadn't come along yet. Dad would park the Buckley's van on the side of the airport road and he'd lift us onto the bonnet. He'd take out the sandwiches Mam made for us and we'd sit there for hours eagerly waiting for the planes to land and then take off again.
And you know, forty years on, there are still Dad's who are parked there in that very same place on the side of the road and they sit their children on their car bonnets. Things haven't even changed that much with aeroplanes! They still do more or less the same thing, they still look pretty much the same! The side of the road hasn't even changed, it hasn't been cemented in, it hasn't even been walled around. It still has the old hill right behind where the cars reverse in for the the best viewing spot. How many more Daddy's brought their kids there on a Sunday morning while the Mammy at home prepared the Sunday dinner? There should be some kind of monument for Daddy's right there in that spot.
I remember my Dad was so encouraging, telling us everything about the planes, how they took off, how they flew in the air. He had never even flown in an aeroplane before, but he always spoke of when he would and he would go to Australia too! He was such a young man, with great dreams for his life. Unfortunately, for Dad and the other young Irish Dad's of that time, the 1970's recession was about to hit and ten years on the dole queue killed my Dad's spirit and dreams.
When he was dying, he was wondering what he had done in his life. He really thought he was a failure. He said all he did was mess up in life. Thankfully, all his girls told him he was great and he did his best and he taught us loads. Because he did. He and many other Father's like him. He thought us to be tough. To work hard. To love your family. Was there anything more he could have done?
Jean xx
Tuesday 11 August 2015
How come I'm so lucky?
You know, when I was struggling with depression, one of the things I couldn't do was look at the television news or read the newspaper, as I shared in my book, 'My Beautiful Flower'.
The devastation effected me; The murders, the plane crashes, the individual country catastrophes. Everything was bad news. I wasn't alone in this respect, lots of people without depression can find the news upsetting to watch. It's the instant media coverage that shows you people's tragedy's and pain right at their moment of despair. You can't help but feel their pain and add it to your own. Every station seemed to have reports on serious events around the world. Bad news in that instantaneous appearance is like an epidemic. It can seem like it's on your own doorstep and that it will soon happen to you.
Especially when something happens to citizens of your country. I'm not sure anything can top the sadness of the 'Berkley Tragedy', when six of our beautiful young Irish college students were killed in the freak incident of the balcony collapsing. That pain was shared by all of us Irish at home. The loss of these youth in the prime of their lives was a difficult burden for us, but inevitably, it is the parents and families and friends who have to carry the real burden of loss. It's easy to understand why people then live in fear. Preventing themselves living to the fullness of their lives.
As a mother who has given the freedom of travel to my second child, this time a girl of only gone twenty, I am indeed so grateful to God that he doesn't give me that difficult cross to carry. Because I know the weight would be too great to bear. Sarah will finish her three month job placement with Busch Garden's in Virginia on the 7th September and thankfully her experience is a safe and fun one.
But do we all get our own type of cross to carry? I think we do. Although I think nothing can ever compare to the loss of your child, each person in life has a challenge to deal with.
I've been fairly lucky in life, accident wise. And thank God again, my children and extended family seem to be lucky physically also. But we do have our challenges, none the less.
Things don't come easy to us dysfunctional women of Ireland. We learn the hard way in life. Maybe because we had little education growing up and fathers who spent a lot of our growing up time angry and drunk. Speaking for myself, I take a long time to learn about life and I more times walk myself into trouble rather than out of it, (Actually, I think I'm getting a bit better on that issue, I'm 48 now after all!)
And again, maybe because we didn't have great education, we found ourselves in minimum wage jobs. We have to work much harder than anyone else just to be able to borrow to have the things we want.
I'm not whinging about this and I know that probably 80% of the population is in the same boat as well as suffering the stress of sickness and loss in their families.
But let's not underestimate the stress that money worries can cause.
When 'The Celtic Tiger' arrived in the 1990's Ireland, our cost of living rose rapidly. It was the first time that ordinary Irish trade workers could afford material things that they had only seen the rich enjoy, like dressing up in designer brands, going on cruises, having new homes and new cars. We began to invest in the stock and property market as advised by the government for better returns on our hard earned cash;
Remember, we earned this money, we were doing nothing wrong! We were all trying to aim for that comfortable retirement plan. When the crash came in 2006, it wasn't that we weren't able to cope with being poor again, we had only had a short taste of wealth to begin with, but now, we were back to the 80's on an earning thresh hold. Our payouts are now rising at the current inflation rates and our income is heavily taxed so there never seems to be enough money to cover it all.
I dressed one growing primary school girl in uniforms yesterday and got all her books and supply's for the coming year. I'll have a college fee due for my second year art student daughter in September and I just wonder how people manage with more than two dependent children!
I really feel sorry for my husband who has managed so far to keep his construction business going through-out these past eight years, pay his employees and keep a family going. Myself and my husband argue over money. I guess he thinks I spend more than I should, that I might be able to get some things cheaper. He honestly doesn't believe that I am a very contentious shopper! Especially since the recession, I can tell you the price of milk in various stores! I really do know where to get the best value. Both my girls were born with learning difficulties, Yasmin's were more severe, but Sarah's was quite social. Sarah's love of horses since she was age three has helped her grow and mature through her life. It has given her a skill that she is confident in. Yasmin's difficulties were more physical, but she loved horses too! Having her own pony has given her great physical strength and personal confidence. Having your own horses in livery and at competition level, I will tell you, takes every penny you have; But if you could see how it's helped my girls, you would follow that route for your children also!
I wouldn't change a thing. I gladly do without my own luxuries to make sure that I am educating my children, physically, emotionally and nutritionally. This is my challenge.
Jean xx
The devastation effected me; The murders, the plane crashes, the individual country catastrophes. Everything was bad news. I wasn't alone in this respect, lots of people without depression can find the news upsetting to watch. It's the instant media coverage that shows you people's tragedy's and pain right at their moment of despair. You can't help but feel their pain and add it to your own. Every station seemed to have reports on serious events around the world. Bad news in that instantaneous appearance is like an epidemic. It can seem like it's on your own doorstep and that it will soon happen to you.
Especially when something happens to citizens of your country. I'm not sure anything can top the sadness of the 'Berkley Tragedy', when six of our beautiful young Irish college students were killed in the freak incident of the balcony collapsing. That pain was shared by all of us Irish at home. The loss of these youth in the prime of their lives was a difficult burden for us, but inevitably, it is the parents and families and friends who have to carry the real burden of loss. It's easy to understand why people then live in fear. Preventing themselves living to the fullness of their lives.
As a mother who has given the freedom of travel to my second child, this time a girl of only gone twenty, I am indeed so grateful to God that he doesn't give me that difficult cross to carry. Because I know the weight would be too great to bear. Sarah will finish her three month job placement with Busch Garden's in Virginia on the 7th September and thankfully her experience is a safe and fun one.
But do we all get our own type of cross to carry? I think we do. Although I think nothing can ever compare to the loss of your child, each person in life has a challenge to deal with.
I've been fairly lucky in life, accident wise. And thank God again, my children and extended family seem to be lucky physically also. But we do have our challenges, none the less.
Things don't come easy to us dysfunctional women of Ireland. We learn the hard way in life. Maybe because we had little education growing up and fathers who spent a lot of our growing up time angry and drunk. Speaking for myself, I take a long time to learn about life and I more times walk myself into trouble rather than out of it, (Actually, I think I'm getting a bit better on that issue, I'm 48 now after all!)
And again, maybe because we didn't have great education, we found ourselves in minimum wage jobs. We have to work much harder than anyone else just to be able to borrow to have the things we want.
I'm not whinging about this and I know that probably 80% of the population is in the same boat as well as suffering the stress of sickness and loss in their families.
But let's not underestimate the stress that money worries can cause.
When 'The Celtic Tiger' arrived in the 1990's Ireland, our cost of living rose rapidly. It was the first time that ordinary Irish trade workers could afford material things that they had only seen the rich enjoy, like dressing up in designer brands, going on cruises, having new homes and new cars. We began to invest in the stock and property market as advised by the government for better returns on our hard earned cash;
Remember, we earned this money, we were doing nothing wrong! We were all trying to aim for that comfortable retirement plan. When the crash came in 2006, it wasn't that we weren't able to cope with being poor again, we had only had a short taste of wealth to begin with, but now, we were back to the 80's on an earning thresh hold. Our payouts are now rising at the current inflation rates and our income is heavily taxed so there never seems to be enough money to cover it all.
I dressed one growing primary school girl in uniforms yesterday and got all her books and supply's for the coming year. I'll have a college fee due for my second year art student daughter in September and I just wonder how people manage with more than two dependent children!
I really feel sorry for my husband who has managed so far to keep his construction business going through-out these past eight years, pay his employees and keep a family going. Myself and my husband argue over money. I guess he thinks I spend more than I should, that I might be able to get some things cheaper. He honestly doesn't believe that I am a very contentious shopper! Especially since the recession, I can tell you the price of milk in various stores! I really do know where to get the best value. Both my girls were born with learning difficulties, Yasmin's were more severe, but Sarah's was quite social. Sarah's love of horses since she was age three has helped her grow and mature through her life. It has given her a skill that she is confident in. Yasmin's difficulties were more physical, but she loved horses too! Having her own pony has given her great physical strength and personal confidence. Having your own horses in livery and at competition level, I will tell you, takes every penny you have; But if you could see how it's helped my girls, you would follow that route for your children also!
I wouldn't change a thing. I gladly do without my own luxuries to make sure that I am educating my children, physically, emotionally and nutritionally. This is my challenge.
Jean xx
Friday 7 August 2015
Having depression in the work place.
There is a funny time in my life when I was suffering with depression in work and I was unaware of it.
When I was about 34 years old, I decide I needed a change from hair dressing. I had always been helping out in my hubby's office, so I had some computer skills. I decided to apply for a cashier job in Ulster bank. I had to go to that huge impressive Ulster Bank building on the keys there in Dublin city centre for an interview with human resources. I didn't even know then fully what human resources meant, imagine, and me going for a bank job!
It was the year 2000/01 and Dublin was booming still with the 'Celtic Tiger'. Anyway, somehow I had enough skills to convince the young woman that I could do the job. I was so excited! I couldn't believe I had actually got a job in a bank!
I had to do a couple of weeks training and I for my position in Ballsbridge branch.
Listen, all I can say is that it is a great job, with great hours and proper pay. Why I had never known there was an easier way of making money than hairdressing, is probably because I never paid attention in school.
Anyway it was great. I had a 10am till 2pm job and I settled in grand. There was a great buzz in the air and because of the location, there were various famous people that banked there, one of which was Gerry Ryan. I remember one occasion with Gerry when he had come to my station. He was lodging his yearly salary and no I won't tell you how much it was for, but I will tell you I was holding the check for quite some time counting the zero's! Well, I needed to be sure!
Let's just say it was better pay than the bank, so broadcasting could be even better folks!
"It's real," he interrupted my counting, LOL, "Oh, yes, sorry," I giggled! (mmmm starstruck)"I just want to lodge the right amount!" I'm not sure gerry quite believed me but he laughed along with me.
You see in my first week, I had counted up my cash balance wrong and the staff were all running around looking for 17,000 missing euros in coin. And I was sitting at my station unaware that the hullaballoo was all because of me! I promise I didn't put it in my handbag.
Well, I soon learned to do an excellent job, if I do say so myself and I really liked working with finance. I liked the bureau de change the best, it was great figuring out the difference and I realised I may have been good at maths again if I had have paid attention in school!
Around this time, the young female college graduates that worked in the accounts section decided they didn't like me. I was doing too good a job, (sorry) and they were typical 'Celtic Tiger' spoilt kids who only did what they had to do. I was from a different time, you know, born in the 60's, we were only taught to work hard and bring home the money. But these kids had no idea of going without. They decided to exclude me from conversations and believe it or not, I caught making fun of me behind my back, or more seriously jeering me,"Who does she think she is? She never even went to college! I'd like to know who she know's in this bank…. sneer." This is what I heard as I walked up the stairs behind them one morning. I did pull them up on it and they were embarrassed, but never the less, it made me feel bad about myself. (I had already experienced severe bullying in Peter mark's in Tallaght that had really knocked my confidence, another day's blogging, I promise!)
So, I was sad. It's hard to work in a place where you're not included.
Anyway I got on with it and some time afterwards I became pregnant. We had wanted a third child so I was delighted with the news and as on all my pregnancies I was really well physically so I just carried on. I couldn't share the news with my colleagues as I knew they wouldn't be interested. But at seven weeks I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore as my boobs had stopped being sore and I had spots of blood coming from me.
I was really fine about losing the 'baby' because I knew realistically it was only still a bunch of cells and I would try again later on. But because hormones do their own thing, they took over my body and I went into post natal depression. Now I really had no idea that I was in post natal depression at the time but my emotions were all over the place. I used to cry spontaneously in work while I was serving customers! I knew the staff saw me, but they ignored me. At one point I asked a senior member of staff could I go home and she said I had to wait till all the lunches were finished, so I continued to serve customers with snots running down my nose. I kid you not.
You know, when you have to suffer that experience in front of everybody, it really doesn't help your self esteem. I was really embarrassed. I thought maybe it was time I asked for a transfer. There was no point working with these un-compassionate people. I did talk to my manager (a female, my own age, very attractive in her own right, but for some reason didn't gel with me), I told her I was thinking about leaving and she said yes, maybe it was for the best.
So, I left. I hadn't gone to a Doctor during that time apart from the experience of the D and C, so, I really didn't know I should have gone out sick with depression. A few weeks later, I did write into Human Resources with a complaint and I received a letter saying, 'Good luck with your future'.
Now listen, I don't have any regrets now or resentments towards anybody during that time. I needed to be on that road in life to find me now.
But depression is a real illness. If you're mentally ill you cannot work. You can't do a proper job. Managers need to be more aware of their employees. It might seem annoying that someone is coming and going sick a lot of the time, but inevitably, if there was more information out there for suffers or if the Doctor's were on the ball, people would be getting the right help. Ireland has a long way still to go in helping people suffering from mental illness. And it's starts with patients trusting in their doctor or health service. If there was more compassion from these services or indeed work mates and employers, people would open up more about their illness and go and get the help they need.
Lucky for Ulster Bank that I got rid of their little headache for them.
When I was about 34 years old, I decide I needed a change from hair dressing. I had always been helping out in my hubby's office, so I had some computer skills. I decided to apply for a cashier job in Ulster bank. I had to go to that huge impressive Ulster Bank building on the keys there in Dublin city centre for an interview with human resources. I didn't even know then fully what human resources meant, imagine, and me going for a bank job!
It was the year 2000/01 and Dublin was booming still with the 'Celtic Tiger'. Anyway, somehow I had enough skills to convince the young woman that I could do the job. I was so excited! I couldn't believe I had actually got a job in a bank!
I had to do a couple of weeks training and I for my position in Ballsbridge branch.
Listen, all I can say is that it is a great job, with great hours and proper pay. Why I had never known there was an easier way of making money than hairdressing, is probably because I never paid attention in school.
Anyway it was great. I had a 10am till 2pm job and I settled in grand. There was a great buzz in the air and because of the location, there were various famous people that banked there, one of which was Gerry Ryan. I remember one occasion with Gerry when he had come to my station. He was lodging his yearly salary and no I won't tell you how much it was for, but I will tell you I was holding the check for quite some time counting the zero's! Well, I needed to be sure!
Let's just say it was better pay than the bank, so broadcasting could be even better folks!
"It's real," he interrupted my counting, LOL, "Oh, yes, sorry," I giggled! (mmmm starstruck)"I just want to lodge the right amount!" I'm not sure gerry quite believed me but he laughed along with me.
You see in my first week, I had counted up my cash balance wrong and the staff were all running around looking for 17,000 missing euros in coin. And I was sitting at my station unaware that the hullaballoo was all because of me! I promise I didn't put it in my handbag.
Well, I soon learned to do an excellent job, if I do say so myself and I really liked working with finance. I liked the bureau de change the best, it was great figuring out the difference and I realised I may have been good at maths again if I had have paid attention in school!
Around this time, the young female college graduates that worked in the accounts section decided they didn't like me. I was doing too good a job, (sorry) and they were typical 'Celtic Tiger' spoilt kids who only did what they had to do. I was from a different time, you know, born in the 60's, we were only taught to work hard and bring home the money. But these kids had no idea of going without. They decided to exclude me from conversations and believe it or not, I caught making fun of me behind my back, or more seriously jeering me,"Who does she think she is? She never even went to college! I'd like to know who she know's in this bank…. sneer." This is what I heard as I walked up the stairs behind them one morning. I did pull them up on it and they were embarrassed, but never the less, it made me feel bad about myself. (I had already experienced severe bullying in Peter mark's in Tallaght that had really knocked my confidence, another day's blogging, I promise!)
So, I was sad. It's hard to work in a place where you're not included.
Anyway I got on with it and some time afterwards I became pregnant. We had wanted a third child so I was delighted with the news and as on all my pregnancies I was really well physically so I just carried on. I couldn't share the news with my colleagues as I knew they wouldn't be interested. But at seven weeks I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore as my boobs had stopped being sore and I had spots of blood coming from me.
I was really fine about losing the 'baby' because I knew realistically it was only still a bunch of cells and I would try again later on. But because hormones do their own thing, they took over my body and I went into post natal depression. Now I really had no idea that I was in post natal depression at the time but my emotions were all over the place. I used to cry spontaneously in work while I was serving customers! I knew the staff saw me, but they ignored me. At one point I asked a senior member of staff could I go home and she said I had to wait till all the lunches were finished, so I continued to serve customers with snots running down my nose. I kid you not.
You know, when you have to suffer that experience in front of everybody, it really doesn't help your self esteem. I was really embarrassed. I thought maybe it was time I asked for a transfer. There was no point working with these un-compassionate people. I did talk to my manager (a female, my own age, very attractive in her own right, but for some reason didn't gel with me), I told her I was thinking about leaving and she said yes, maybe it was for the best.
So, I left. I hadn't gone to a Doctor during that time apart from the experience of the D and C, so, I really didn't know I should have gone out sick with depression. A few weeks later, I did write into Human Resources with a complaint and I received a letter saying, 'Good luck with your future'.
Now listen, I don't have any regrets now or resentments towards anybody during that time. I needed to be on that road in life to find me now.
But depression is a real illness. If you're mentally ill you cannot work. You can't do a proper job. Managers need to be more aware of their employees. It might seem annoying that someone is coming and going sick a lot of the time, but inevitably, if there was more information out there for suffers or if the Doctor's were on the ball, people would be getting the right help. Ireland has a long way still to go in helping people suffering from mental illness. And it's starts with patients trusting in their doctor or health service. If there was more compassion from these services or indeed work mates and employers, people would open up more about their illness and go and get the help they need.
Lucky for Ulster Bank that I got rid of their little headache for them.
Thursday 6 August 2015
The difference between 'Your Nerves' and Depression!
When I was a child, I would often hear people whispering about 'so and so' suffering with her nerves. I didn't really know what that was. I suppose I thought they were very nervous people and would eventually have to go and see the doctor or go into hospital. Indeed the person did seem to behave nervously and their hands did seem to shake.
When I had my first quite scary panic attach three years ago, I was in my local Mall for my usual weekly browse around. I had just ordered a coffee in Butler's coffee shop when my legs went numb. Then the numbness spread up through my body. I had no idea what was happening, but I had heard a lot about stokes and assumed that was what was happening to me.
I sat down beside a woman on her own at a table and said I needed help, I was having a stroke. My heart was racing and I was terrified. And I'm sure the poor woman got the shock of her life too!
But she held my hand while the lovely young staff ran around getting me help and calling an ambulance.
When the ambulance men had me secured in the ambulance, they ran some little tests of their own, to assess the urgency. One of the paramedics asked me did I suffer with my nerves?
I looked at him surprised, 'no, I don't think I suffer with my nerves.' Was I nervous? I didn't think I was.
That was the first time that I had to acknowledge my mental condition.
They brought me off to the hospital where I underwent the usual standard tests for heart attack or stroke, which of course all came back clear. I realised after seven hours in the hospital that my stroke was indeed a panic attack. I was amazed firstly that I had a panic attack and secondly that my panic attack came in the guise of a stroke. Thirdly, I was amazed that the hospital staff didn't tell me it was a panic attack and send me in the right direction for help.
So I went home. The following day my body felt completely weak from the experience, so although it came from my mind, it drained my body as well.
It took three more ambulance experiences for me to finally get the message. I was suffering with panic attacks and now I needed to find out the root cause and control them. Panic attacks are scary because you don't know when they are going to strike and it can be very embarrassing. They can also make you afraid to leave your home.
So, I had a lot going on in my life. I knew I suffered with depression, as I always had post natal depression on each of my children but it never seemed to go after I had my last child (10 now).
With my depression, I was very low. I could barely function. I could do the basic duties as a mother and then I' d head to the bed. I couldn't communicate with anyone. And I couldn't look at my phone for messages. I was scared of what I would read, bad news that I wouldn't have been able to cope with.
I also had a lot of worries with my husband, my children, our finances, my family, my failed career. I was full of fear. I suppose you could say that all of this together made me nervous, anxious.
Nervousness and anxiety left unsolved will more than likely result in panic attacks. So in this case I guess I did suffer with my nerves! I was surprised to figure that out about myself.
So you can see, I suffered from depression and nerves.
Two separate conditions of the mind, but yet so importantly connected. The nervousness and anxieties in myself were a main cause of my depression!
That may not be the case for everybody. A person in the early stages of worry or nervousness may not be suffering with depression just yet.
When I began to identify each of my issues, I was able to work on them. And I soon saw signs of my recovery. My panic attacks stopped! And I can honestly tell you, that every other area of my mental health is on the right road also. I now take care of my mental health by identifying any new issue that comes up and dealing with it straight away. I now know what I can do in life and what I can't do. I am not restricted by no means, on the contrary, I can do much more now, but it is everything that is good for me; I haven't worked in the work place for three years now but I have been writing and I feel this is my right path which will earn me an income one day; I Walk my dogs, swim, spend time with my kids.
I am blessed I have been able to make this discovery about my nerves and my depression.
Who knows where I would be otherwise?
xxx Jean
When I had my first quite scary panic attach three years ago, I was in my local Mall for my usual weekly browse around. I had just ordered a coffee in Butler's coffee shop when my legs went numb. Then the numbness spread up through my body. I had no idea what was happening, but I had heard a lot about stokes and assumed that was what was happening to me.
I sat down beside a woman on her own at a table and said I needed help, I was having a stroke. My heart was racing and I was terrified. And I'm sure the poor woman got the shock of her life too!
But she held my hand while the lovely young staff ran around getting me help and calling an ambulance.
When the ambulance men had me secured in the ambulance, they ran some little tests of their own, to assess the urgency. One of the paramedics asked me did I suffer with my nerves?
I looked at him surprised, 'no, I don't think I suffer with my nerves.' Was I nervous? I didn't think I was.
That was the first time that I had to acknowledge my mental condition.
They brought me off to the hospital where I underwent the usual standard tests for heart attack or stroke, which of course all came back clear. I realised after seven hours in the hospital that my stroke was indeed a panic attack. I was amazed firstly that I had a panic attack and secondly that my panic attack came in the guise of a stroke. Thirdly, I was amazed that the hospital staff didn't tell me it was a panic attack and send me in the right direction for help.
So I went home. The following day my body felt completely weak from the experience, so although it came from my mind, it drained my body as well.
It took three more ambulance experiences for me to finally get the message. I was suffering with panic attacks and now I needed to find out the root cause and control them. Panic attacks are scary because you don't know when they are going to strike and it can be very embarrassing. They can also make you afraid to leave your home.
So, I had a lot going on in my life. I knew I suffered with depression, as I always had post natal depression on each of my children but it never seemed to go after I had my last child (10 now).
With my depression, I was very low. I could barely function. I could do the basic duties as a mother and then I' d head to the bed. I couldn't communicate with anyone. And I couldn't look at my phone for messages. I was scared of what I would read, bad news that I wouldn't have been able to cope with.
I also had a lot of worries with my husband, my children, our finances, my family, my failed career. I was full of fear. I suppose you could say that all of this together made me nervous, anxious.
Nervousness and anxiety left unsolved will more than likely result in panic attacks. So in this case I guess I did suffer with my nerves! I was surprised to figure that out about myself.
So you can see, I suffered from depression and nerves.
Two separate conditions of the mind, but yet so importantly connected. The nervousness and anxieties in myself were a main cause of my depression!
That may not be the case for everybody. A person in the early stages of worry or nervousness may not be suffering with depression just yet.
When I began to identify each of my issues, I was able to work on them. And I soon saw signs of my recovery. My panic attacks stopped! And I can honestly tell you, that every other area of my mental health is on the right road also. I now take care of my mental health by identifying any new issue that comes up and dealing with it straight away. I now know what I can do in life and what I can't do. I am not restricted by no means, on the contrary, I can do much more now, but it is everything that is good for me; I haven't worked in the work place for three years now but I have been writing and I feel this is my right path which will earn me an income one day; I Walk my dogs, swim, spend time with my kids.
I am blessed I have been able to make this discovery about my nerves and my depression.
Who knows where I would be otherwise?
xxx Jean
Wednesday 5 August 2015
She makes me smile!
My 10 year old Yasmin is so excited to be going on holidays soon. She loves all the excitement of going on a plane journey. She is counting down the days and her suitcase is ready to go!
She will rise early every morning in eagerness to being a day closer!
We have been very fortunate in life to be able to visit our family in the USA every year. But it's a long journey for children and the restricted seats are small and uncomfortable.
Yasmin was born with a delayed mental development. She didn't crawl till 15 months, she walked at 20 months and her speech was very poor up till age five.
I wasn't overly concerned about this late development because my previous daughter Sarah (almost 20 now) had been diagnosed with dyslexia. She was also a late developer but had met all of her milestones normally enough. I thought Yasmin was going to be the same.
I was however concerned about Yasmin's temper tantrums from an early age, especially in the car. She had severe motion sickness from about 11 months of age and she would also start screaming crying for no apparent reason. When she was three I felt her behaviour was very like ADHD. She never sat still and she was very impulsive. She had many accidents and broken joints before she was even five years of age! She also never seemed to hear me!
At this point, (she was about four years old) I rang the ADHD helpline and got some great advise from them, which I put into practice straight away and there was an immediate improvement.
When Yasmin was finally diagnosed with Dyspraxia at age five, it explained a lot. Inside this diagnosis, Yasmin had a severe language and comprehension disorder, (she didn't understand what was going on around her) She had a severe sensory disorder, which meant, everything hurt her, smells made her sick, water hurt her skin among lots of other things. I think the sensory problems caused me the most upset because they really pained Yasmin!
She had a muscular coordination difficulty which made her body uncomfortable and clumsy.
And that was just the physical element.
Yasmin also had dyslexia and dyscalculia, quite severe on the spectrum of learning difficulties.
So, she had a lot going on, but she looked like any other child so no one could really tell.
So plane journeys were something that always had me in tears, but not from my beautiful child. From other passengers.
People on the plane always had a comment to make or a disgusted glare directed at me, because I guess we bothered them!
Yasmin was hyper yes, she was easily upset, yes, but I was right there beside her, coloring, drawing, playing play dough, walking her up and down the isles! Under no circumstances would I allow her kick the chair in frustration or be loud or rude to me or others on the plane or elsewhere for that matter!
But I was saddened. I wanted people to see my little girl for the beautiful child that she was. (I wrote my poem, My Beautiful child, because I couldn't understand why people didn't see her beauty and indeed other disabled people's beauty). You might understand young people not having patients for children, but these were mostly people in their late sixties.
Anyway, myself and my husband got every help we could for Yasmin, expensive help and some free from the HSE. Yasmin and I had to do an awful lot of work at home and I have seen the benefits of this and all of the outside help. Yasmin is an amazing child, no more amazing than all of the other children out there I know, but to me, she is my inspiration. Almost 11 now, she is really tall and her body is starting puberty. She is behind her mental age of maturity. I think she is about 6/7 maybe. She can read, she can write and she can do sums as a seven year old. And she can ride her pony Eclipse beautifully!
A keen outdoor person myself, I was worried that Yasmin wouldn't be able to participate in sports of any kind. I needn't have worried! Through Yasmin's own choice, over the last five years, she tried hip hop, ballet, drama, guitar, swimming and singing. But finally said to me recently, "Mam, horse riding is my passion!"
She's such a great girl! And you know? Horse riding is a very good exercise for children with any or no difficulties as it strengthens their muscles!
Anyway, I am very grateful for my gift from God, who turned my life around! And I really want her to have a great plane journey, so if you are reading this out there, will you think again when you sit in your seat beside an exhausted mother and her busy child. A little bit of understanding goes a long way.
xx Jean
She will rise early every morning in eagerness to being a day closer!
We have been very fortunate in life to be able to visit our family in the USA every year. But it's a long journey for children and the restricted seats are small and uncomfortable.
Yasmin was born with a delayed mental development. She didn't crawl till 15 months, she walked at 20 months and her speech was very poor up till age five.
I wasn't overly concerned about this late development because my previous daughter Sarah (almost 20 now) had been diagnosed with dyslexia. She was also a late developer but had met all of her milestones normally enough. I thought Yasmin was going to be the same.
I was however concerned about Yasmin's temper tantrums from an early age, especially in the car. She had severe motion sickness from about 11 months of age and she would also start screaming crying for no apparent reason. When she was three I felt her behaviour was very like ADHD. She never sat still and she was very impulsive. She had many accidents and broken joints before she was even five years of age! She also never seemed to hear me!
At this point, (she was about four years old) I rang the ADHD helpline and got some great advise from them, which I put into practice straight away and there was an immediate improvement.
When Yasmin was finally diagnosed with Dyspraxia at age five, it explained a lot. Inside this diagnosis, Yasmin had a severe language and comprehension disorder, (she didn't understand what was going on around her) She had a severe sensory disorder, which meant, everything hurt her, smells made her sick, water hurt her skin among lots of other things. I think the sensory problems caused me the most upset because they really pained Yasmin!
She had a muscular coordination difficulty which made her body uncomfortable and clumsy.
And that was just the physical element.
Yasmin also had dyslexia and dyscalculia, quite severe on the spectrum of learning difficulties.
So, she had a lot going on, but she looked like any other child so no one could really tell.
So plane journeys were something that always had me in tears, but not from my beautiful child. From other passengers.
People on the plane always had a comment to make or a disgusted glare directed at me, because I guess we bothered them!
Yasmin was hyper yes, she was easily upset, yes, but I was right there beside her, coloring, drawing, playing play dough, walking her up and down the isles! Under no circumstances would I allow her kick the chair in frustration or be loud or rude to me or others on the plane or elsewhere for that matter!
But I was saddened. I wanted people to see my little girl for the beautiful child that she was. (I wrote my poem, My Beautiful child, because I couldn't understand why people didn't see her beauty and indeed other disabled people's beauty). You might understand young people not having patients for children, but these were mostly people in their late sixties.
Anyway, myself and my husband got every help we could for Yasmin, expensive help and some free from the HSE. Yasmin and I had to do an awful lot of work at home and I have seen the benefits of this and all of the outside help. Yasmin is an amazing child, no more amazing than all of the other children out there I know, but to me, she is my inspiration. Almost 11 now, she is really tall and her body is starting puberty. She is behind her mental age of maturity. I think she is about 6/7 maybe. She can read, she can write and she can do sums as a seven year old. And she can ride her pony Eclipse beautifully!
A keen outdoor person myself, I was worried that Yasmin wouldn't be able to participate in sports of any kind. I needn't have worried! Through Yasmin's own choice, over the last five years, she tried hip hop, ballet, drama, guitar, swimming and singing. But finally said to me recently, "Mam, horse riding is my passion!"
She's such a great girl! And you know? Horse riding is a very good exercise for children with any or no difficulties as it strengthens their muscles!
Anyway, I am very grateful for my gift from God, who turned my life around! And I really want her to have a great plane journey, so if you are reading this out there, will you think again when you sit in your seat beside an exhausted mother and her busy child. A little bit of understanding goes a long way.
xx Jean
Saturday 1 August 2015
The most amazing thing has happened!
I've just had an actual experience of 'When you let go and let God.' You know, things have a funny way of working out. (As long as you do it with genuine kindness and not resentment!)
I had a big test recently, a humanity test, and I had to ask God to guide me. I wasn't sure if God wanted me to be completely selfless as I would have in the past or in this case to be selfish and put my own needs first.
Now, you know I have just started to discover myself in my last three years of writing and I've shared a lot about myself in my book, 'My Beautiful Flower' and my blog page skyestorm.blogspot.com, the mistakes I've made, lessons I've learned and how to make things right.
I certainly feel more comfortable in myself these days, so I think I'm on the right road.
When I was in the debts of my depression, one of the things I couldn't do was look at my phone for messages or even answer it. I know it's sounds strange, but I would delete messages even without looking at them. I would delete voice messages while holding the phone away from me, not wanting to hear anyone's kind or inquisitive voice. I remember at the time that I couldn't do anything for anybody and I didn't want to let them down, so I couldn't acknowledge the call.
I think when my mind was sick, it couldn't handle any pressure at all or anymore responsibilities it already had.
Anyway, I still am very cautious about looking at my phone when I receive messages. It's also a deliverer of insults too and I had made those mistakes also, sending messages of insults and abuse in my time of resentments. I'm not proud of my actions and now, incoming messages are a reminder of the pain a phone can deliver.
I'm not one of these people who will look at the phone straight away and give instant gratification to the caller. In fact, if I have to send a message to someone to say I have to let them down, I put my phone where I can't see it or I turn it off! So now you know why you don't get me immediately!
When I do pick up my phone mostly the next morning, I kind of look at it sideways to see how bad the news is going to be! It's crazy but true!
Well, in my recent test from God, I decided I had to be selfish. I didn't rush into it. I thought it through. I felt it was the right decision for me, my family and indeed the person involved. So, I did feel in my gut I had the support from God.
So I let it Go. I continued on my walks and thanking God for my gifts in life and asking him to guide me and help this person in the situation.
And as it turned out, the person was able to take responsibility and find a solution!
When I looked at my phone this morning with a sideways glance, I got good news!
So maybe I passed the test from God?
xxx Jean
I had a big test recently, a humanity test, and I had to ask God to guide me. I wasn't sure if God wanted me to be completely selfless as I would have in the past or in this case to be selfish and put my own needs first.
Now, you know I have just started to discover myself in my last three years of writing and I've shared a lot about myself in my book, 'My Beautiful Flower' and my blog page skyestorm.blogspot.com, the mistakes I've made, lessons I've learned and how to make things right.
I certainly feel more comfortable in myself these days, so I think I'm on the right road.
When I was in the debts of my depression, one of the things I couldn't do was look at my phone for messages or even answer it. I know it's sounds strange, but I would delete messages even without looking at them. I would delete voice messages while holding the phone away from me, not wanting to hear anyone's kind or inquisitive voice. I remember at the time that I couldn't do anything for anybody and I didn't want to let them down, so I couldn't acknowledge the call.
I think when my mind was sick, it couldn't handle any pressure at all or anymore responsibilities it already had.
Anyway, I still am very cautious about looking at my phone when I receive messages. It's also a deliverer of insults too and I had made those mistakes also, sending messages of insults and abuse in my time of resentments. I'm not proud of my actions and now, incoming messages are a reminder of the pain a phone can deliver.
I'm not one of these people who will look at the phone straight away and give instant gratification to the caller. In fact, if I have to send a message to someone to say I have to let them down, I put my phone where I can't see it or I turn it off! So now you know why you don't get me immediately!
When I do pick up my phone mostly the next morning, I kind of look at it sideways to see how bad the news is going to be! It's crazy but true!
Well, in my recent test from God, I decided I had to be selfish. I didn't rush into it. I thought it through. I felt it was the right decision for me, my family and indeed the person involved. So, I did feel in my gut I had the support from God.
So I let it Go. I continued on my walks and thanking God for my gifts in life and asking him to guide me and help this person in the situation.
And as it turned out, the person was able to take responsibility and find a solution!
When I looked at my phone this morning with a sideways glance, I got good news!
So maybe I passed the test from God?
xxx Jean
Friday 31 July 2015
Who am I?
You can pretty much tell that I'm a writer now, because I certainly have the appearance.
Gone are the designer hand bags, the professional make up and indeed the gel nails. Now, I rise in the morning, I hurriedly tidy the house, prepare a stew for later, feed my dogs, get Yasmin organised for the horse yard, wash myself, throw on old clothes that will suffice, walking dogs, mucking out horses, cleaning the house and heading to the library to write. I can hardly keep changing clothes throughout the day as that would give me less time!
I find I can concentrate better in the library although this morning I can hear a toddler downstairs battling with his father….
Anyway, I have the privilege of being a stay at home Mam these last three years, firstly, because of my little breakdown which forced me out of the workplace and secondly, because my husband works hard to provide for us both and our kids.
But an independent person all of my life, I was concerned about not being able to help out finically at home. Like any family with kids in school and college and expensive hobbies, our out goings are very high.
In the early days of the recession, I tried investing a few euros each week on the lotto. I followed all the guidelines on how to win, following numbers, counting how many times they appeared. I did that for a year and I never won anything. I really could hear God's voice in my ear saying, 'You're not going to win money! You have a talent, you just need to find it!'
Thankfully, I don't like wasting money on gambling, so I bowed out gracefully. So, what was my talent? Throughout my working life, I had worked very hard, but I only earned enough to get by. So, I felt I was a failure.
Over the years, I had been writing things down that caught my attention onto pieces of paper or in my diary. I would place them into my bedside locker until one day I knew what to do with them.
During the time of my breakdown, I took a lot of walks in our beautiful Irish lands with my three dogs. I would ask God to guide me on my path in life, to help me find a way.
I did feel God's guidance and I felt it was pointing me in the direction of writing. I knew then that I should at least try.
I always loved reading but thought I could never write the way these authors wrote a story.
But I started anyway and it turned out I wrote a book about my life 'My beautiful Flower'. It's a self discovery book but to keep a reader interested, it had to have a point. I did have to publish it myself but I'm quite proud of the way it turned out. I discovered a lot about acceptance and gratitude and I shared it in my book.
Once I had written that book, I was on to a next, a children's story book called 'Madhead the Crazy Horse' which is already in the editing stage.
And this morning I am finishing my very own crime/fiction book called 'Shame so Deep'.
I am feeling very positive about this path I'm on. I'm working very hard at blogging, tweeting and promoting myself on social networks while writing my crime story.
Am I looking for success? Yes I am. But I'm prepared to work very hard for that success. I know success doesn't land in your lap. If you work very hard on something and you really believe in it, there's a very good chance you will at least do well from it. If I fail, or if a book doesn't get the recognition I think it deserves, well, I'm going to see where I can improve myself and keep at it.
So yes, I don't look fashionable this morning. And I may look tired and baggy eyed but you know the old saying, 'Never judge a book by it's cover!' Because on the inside of my mind, I'm ok!
I'm an author!
Gone are the designer hand bags, the professional make up and indeed the gel nails. Now, I rise in the morning, I hurriedly tidy the house, prepare a stew for later, feed my dogs, get Yasmin organised for the horse yard, wash myself, throw on old clothes that will suffice, walking dogs, mucking out horses, cleaning the house and heading to the library to write. I can hardly keep changing clothes throughout the day as that would give me less time!
I find I can concentrate better in the library although this morning I can hear a toddler downstairs battling with his father….
Anyway, I have the privilege of being a stay at home Mam these last three years, firstly, because of my little breakdown which forced me out of the workplace and secondly, because my husband works hard to provide for us both and our kids.
But an independent person all of my life, I was concerned about not being able to help out finically at home. Like any family with kids in school and college and expensive hobbies, our out goings are very high.
In the early days of the recession, I tried investing a few euros each week on the lotto. I followed all the guidelines on how to win, following numbers, counting how many times they appeared. I did that for a year and I never won anything. I really could hear God's voice in my ear saying, 'You're not going to win money! You have a talent, you just need to find it!'
Thankfully, I don't like wasting money on gambling, so I bowed out gracefully. So, what was my talent? Throughout my working life, I had worked very hard, but I only earned enough to get by. So, I felt I was a failure.
Over the years, I had been writing things down that caught my attention onto pieces of paper or in my diary. I would place them into my bedside locker until one day I knew what to do with them.
During the time of my breakdown, I took a lot of walks in our beautiful Irish lands with my three dogs. I would ask God to guide me on my path in life, to help me find a way.
I did feel God's guidance and I felt it was pointing me in the direction of writing. I knew then that I should at least try.
I always loved reading but thought I could never write the way these authors wrote a story.
But I started anyway and it turned out I wrote a book about my life 'My beautiful Flower'. It's a self discovery book but to keep a reader interested, it had to have a point. I did have to publish it myself but I'm quite proud of the way it turned out. I discovered a lot about acceptance and gratitude and I shared it in my book.
Once I had written that book, I was on to a next, a children's story book called 'Madhead the Crazy Horse' which is already in the editing stage.
And this morning I am finishing my very own crime/fiction book called 'Shame so Deep'.
I am feeling very positive about this path I'm on. I'm working very hard at blogging, tweeting and promoting myself on social networks while writing my crime story.
Am I looking for success? Yes I am. But I'm prepared to work very hard for that success. I know success doesn't land in your lap. If you work very hard on something and you really believe in it, there's a very good chance you will at least do well from it. If I fail, or if a book doesn't get the recognition I think it deserves, well, I'm going to see where I can improve myself and keep at it.
So yes, I don't look fashionable this morning. And I may look tired and baggy eyed but you know the old saying, 'Never judge a book by it's cover!' Because on the inside of my mind, I'm ok!
I'm an author!
Thursday 30 July 2015
African people in Ireland.
A small country, with a population of just four million people, it was easy for us to be just one religion, Catholic and just one colour, white. Just over thirty years ago, You would have a hard time spotting a foreign person at all. There were only all Irish kids in our schools and there were only all Irish people living on our streets. We were all Catholic because that was what we were born into. Catholicism was a strict religion for my parents age group (mid 70's now) all the way into the late 1980's. And we know for sure now the damage that some of those powerful Catholic priests did to our children and the control they used over our women, preventing them from being free within their marriage.
Having said that, I am a proud Catholic. I have had a lot of good experiences from priests and nuns in my life and I see the priests in my parish to be loving and helpful to all. I think we need a church as a base or a guidance but inevitably, being Christian is the path we need to follow. And the Catholic Church is spreading that message now.
I was delighted to see that foreign people began travelling to our shores when I was 22 years of age, (I'm 48 now). Chinese, Indian and African people soon began settling in Ireland. I guess they liked the safety of our country first of all, since we are fairly safe from powerful, murderous leaders. Who wouldn't want their children raised in a safe environment? With the added bonus of education? Absolutely everybody's right in life! (Why we allow murderous leaders on our planet at all is another day's blogging!)
I think they may have liked our climate too, because it is not extreme. You can be fairly sure we won't have volcano's, sunami's or indeed a lack of water that would wipe out their generations of families. And I suppose they might have heard that the Irish people were nice, whom they could live side by side in harmony and not be ridiculed or indeed slagged by racial comments. And all of this was true in the beginning.
Initially we were shy with these people. They looked so exotic compared to our pale Irish skins. Their hair was glossy and black and ours was fuzzy and unruly. They were a very beautiful, colourful addition to our 40 shades of green. We were afraid to talk to them in case we showed ourselves up to being just ordinary. We had never travelled. We weren't as educated as some of the new foreigners.
We were afraid of their religions, "What if they went around trying to convert us to the mad religions that wasn't Cathoilc? Cults even?"
So I guess we held our guard up for a while. But now after 26 years, I hope our foreign people are beginning to feel at home now?
Don't be afraid of your colour or your difference! Hold your head high and greet 'Good Morning' to each passer by, just like you would in Africa, India or China.
Unfortunately, for some of you guys, you arrived into the years of our 'Celtic Tiger' where you witnessed greed, alcohol and drug abuse, violence, racialism from some ignorant people possessed by the Devil. You never got to see the Irish people you heard about, whose motto was 'A thousand Irish welcomes'.
Well, hopefully you will now. I have seen some changes since our recent recession hit. People are realising now that you need more prayer in life than money. That happiness is found with family and friends and neighbours. They see that African, Indian and Chinese is mixing beautifully with our pale Irish skin and creating beautiful children.
When I talk to an African person, I look straight into their eyes, I don't even notice the colour of their skin, I do however notice their beauty.
Isn't it odd that nobody has ever said that it's jealousy that causes the racial comments? When other kids are mean to your kids, you comfort your kids by explaining it's jealousy that's causing the meanness: When bullies are mean to a person in the workplace, it's normally jealousy at the route of it.
I'm not trying to lighten the issue, jealousy can destroy a person's life.
But African, Indian and Chinese people, know it's only jealousy behind these racial slurs.
These abusers only want what they can never have, your beautiful black skin!
Jean xx
Having said that, I am a proud Catholic. I have had a lot of good experiences from priests and nuns in my life and I see the priests in my parish to be loving and helpful to all. I think we need a church as a base or a guidance but inevitably, being Christian is the path we need to follow. And the Catholic Church is spreading that message now.
I was delighted to see that foreign people began travelling to our shores when I was 22 years of age, (I'm 48 now). Chinese, Indian and African people soon began settling in Ireland. I guess they liked the safety of our country first of all, since we are fairly safe from powerful, murderous leaders. Who wouldn't want their children raised in a safe environment? With the added bonus of education? Absolutely everybody's right in life! (Why we allow murderous leaders on our planet at all is another day's blogging!)
I think they may have liked our climate too, because it is not extreme. You can be fairly sure we won't have volcano's, sunami's or indeed a lack of water that would wipe out their generations of families. And I suppose they might have heard that the Irish people were nice, whom they could live side by side in harmony and not be ridiculed or indeed slagged by racial comments. And all of this was true in the beginning.
Initially we were shy with these people. They looked so exotic compared to our pale Irish skins. Their hair was glossy and black and ours was fuzzy and unruly. They were a very beautiful, colourful addition to our 40 shades of green. We were afraid to talk to them in case we showed ourselves up to being just ordinary. We had never travelled. We weren't as educated as some of the new foreigners.
We were afraid of their religions, "What if they went around trying to convert us to the mad religions that wasn't Cathoilc? Cults even?"
So I guess we held our guard up for a while. But now after 26 years, I hope our foreign people are beginning to feel at home now?
Don't be afraid of your colour or your difference! Hold your head high and greet 'Good Morning' to each passer by, just like you would in Africa, India or China.
Unfortunately, for some of you guys, you arrived into the years of our 'Celtic Tiger' where you witnessed greed, alcohol and drug abuse, violence, racialism from some ignorant people possessed by the Devil. You never got to see the Irish people you heard about, whose motto was 'A thousand Irish welcomes'.
Well, hopefully you will now. I have seen some changes since our recent recession hit. People are realising now that you need more prayer in life than money. That happiness is found with family and friends and neighbours. They see that African, Indian and Chinese is mixing beautifully with our pale Irish skin and creating beautiful children.
When I talk to an African person, I look straight into their eyes, I don't even notice the colour of their skin, I do however notice their beauty.
Isn't it odd that nobody has ever said that it's jealousy that causes the racial comments? When other kids are mean to your kids, you comfort your kids by explaining it's jealousy that's causing the meanness: When bullies are mean to a person in the workplace, it's normally jealousy at the route of it.
I'm not trying to lighten the issue, jealousy can destroy a person's life.
But African, Indian and Chinese people, know it's only jealousy behind these racial slurs.
These abusers only want what they can never have, your beautiful black skin!
Jean xx
Wednesday 29 July 2015
Horribly funny!
A friend of mine called up last night for a cup of tea and a catch up. After sharing all of our news and having a good old gossip, the conversation became giddy. Us Irish have a habit of laughing at our own mishaps and somehow it led to this story....
'Her own cousin's mother in law, in her late 60's came home one night from a good session with her friends. She was well oiled and decided to go straight to bed. On swaying up the stairs, she remembered she had to put her bin out for collection as it was full to the brim. She went out to the side of her house, in the windy rainy night and got hold of the bin and start wheeling it down the long gravel drive to the end of the garden. Inevitably, she tripped over her long skirt and high heals and fell flat on her face. Cursing herself, she got up off the ground covered in wet refuse and went back into the house to wash herself off. Her daughter then came into the kitchen to see her mother was covered in blood. Shocked, she hurried over to help her and recoiled in horror on looking into the sink. Her mother's fingers were floating around the water, seven of them and she was oblivious from the pain because of the whiskey in her system! Emergency services were called. The seven fingers were gathered and a search party ensued to look for the eight missing finger.
Surprisingly, they found it in time to be sewn back on with it's seven sisters! The operation was a complete success and all the seven fingers are moving around quite happily, apart from the last finger found. No matter what the surgeons do to flex the joint, it just won't bend.
But a great character of a woman, this doesn't phase her at all. She's getting huge enjoyment from her new best friend....
Her middle finger!'
'Her own cousin's mother in law, in her late 60's came home one night from a good session with her friends. She was well oiled and decided to go straight to bed. On swaying up the stairs, she remembered she had to put her bin out for collection as it was full to the brim. She went out to the side of her house, in the windy rainy night and got hold of the bin and start wheeling it down the long gravel drive to the end of the garden. Inevitably, she tripped over her long skirt and high heals and fell flat on her face. Cursing herself, she got up off the ground covered in wet refuse and went back into the house to wash herself off. Her daughter then came into the kitchen to see her mother was covered in blood. Shocked, she hurried over to help her and recoiled in horror on looking into the sink. Her mother's fingers were floating around the water, seven of them and she was oblivious from the pain because of the whiskey in her system! Emergency services were called. The seven fingers were gathered and a search party ensued to look for the eight missing finger.
Surprisingly, they found it in time to be sewn back on with it's seven sisters! The operation was a complete success and all the seven fingers are moving around quite happily, apart from the last finger found. No matter what the surgeons do to flex the joint, it just won't bend.
But a great character of a woman, this doesn't phase her at all. She's getting huge enjoyment from her new best friend....
Her middle finger!'
Friday 24 July 2015
No home of their own….
Why have some people no home to go to? I can honestly tell you it saddens me to see young people homeless or anybody for that matter. I'm pretty sure nobody wants to see a human being undignified in this way. I actually wrote a poem about the homeless a couple of years ago. It's in my book 'My beautiful Flower.' Why can't we help these people? Do more? It certainly shows our own selfish side when we turn our backs on our family or friends who need a home.
I put my hands up, I declare that I am now a selfish person and I am beginning to put my own needs first. I wasn't always as selfish, there was a time when I wouldn't put anybody from my door. Now I know for sure that I am too snobby to take in a homeless person. I recently read 'Mr Stink' by David Walliams to my daughter Yasmin and it is sadly an all too common existence.
I consider myself to be a christian person, helping others when I can. But how much help should a person give? And is there a difference between helping and enabling?
Everybody has a role in a family home. There's a balance of duties between husband and wife so that the house runs smoothly, especially when children come along. As the kids get older, costs get higher, parents need to work harder to bring in a better income. There's a general understanding about this within a family. As the dependent children become independent adults, they begin to contribute to the running of the home. It's hard work running a home and for everybody to be happy in the same house, there has to be give and take.
I can understand anybody wanting to leave an abusive home, especially a boundary pushing young teen. They may take their chances on leaving the nest but without any sort of income, they are forced to live on the streets and are open to a vulnerability of bad choices. In this case, this is the parents fault and the state's fault for neglecting their dependents.
If a partner puts an addict out of the home because of their inability to change their bad behaviour, they will most likely have burned the bridges of family relations also. Their lack of an income, through alcoholism and losing their job will inevitably cause them to have nowhere to live but the streets, where they at least have the freedom of not paying bills.
So is this a clue here? Is the responsibility factor missing in some people who end up homeless? Responsibility of their behaviour and responsibility as an adult? If they were honest enough with themselves and others, they would have to face their own responsibility and the effect their behaviour has on others. If they had respect for others, they would do the work and help themselves and conform.
You would be surprised how long it takes an ordinary person, (myself) who isn't an addict to learn the responsibility lessons in life, so I guess it may take much longer for an addict to get the message.
So, how can we help them along?
Every other animal on the planet teaches their children to feed themselves! Do you ever see a mammy bird feeding her grown birds? No! Because they left the nest when they could fly!
Us humans are terribly effected when we see someone crying bitterly, saying 'they can't do it.' But it's a natural display of emotions and we are all very good at crying for our own misfortunes. It's ok to see human beings cry and it's ok to see them in emotional pain because you know that it won't kill them. We have all had some very low emotional periods in our life and look! We are still here! I'm pretty sure I'm going to experience some more difficulties in my life. Hey, I'm not even over the difficulties from our last recession, but I'm ok! This is life! Life is full of challenges and encouraging someone through those challenges is helping them. Preventing them from going through their challenges is enabling them to stay dependent on others!
So sadly, some don't make it through their challenges. It seems easier to keep putting that change off. Drinking may get them through this day. A bad mood might prevent them doing it the next day. Different excuses will keep coming up to prevent them from being responsible.
Yes, it's hard to watch your adult family member living on the streets. But they made that choice. They could've chosen a different one. They still can. xx Jean
I put my hands up, I declare that I am now a selfish person and I am beginning to put my own needs first. I wasn't always as selfish, there was a time when I wouldn't put anybody from my door. Now I know for sure that I am too snobby to take in a homeless person. I recently read 'Mr Stink' by David Walliams to my daughter Yasmin and it is sadly an all too common existence.
I consider myself to be a christian person, helping others when I can. But how much help should a person give? And is there a difference between helping and enabling?
Everybody has a role in a family home. There's a balance of duties between husband and wife so that the house runs smoothly, especially when children come along. As the kids get older, costs get higher, parents need to work harder to bring in a better income. There's a general understanding about this within a family. As the dependent children become independent adults, they begin to contribute to the running of the home. It's hard work running a home and for everybody to be happy in the same house, there has to be give and take.
I can understand anybody wanting to leave an abusive home, especially a boundary pushing young teen. They may take their chances on leaving the nest but without any sort of income, they are forced to live on the streets and are open to a vulnerability of bad choices. In this case, this is the parents fault and the state's fault for neglecting their dependents.
If a partner puts an addict out of the home because of their inability to change their bad behaviour, they will most likely have burned the bridges of family relations also. Their lack of an income, through alcoholism and losing their job will inevitably cause them to have nowhere to live but the streets, where they at least have the freedom of not paying bills.
So is this a clue here? Is the responsibility factor missing in some people who end up homeless? Responsibility of their behaviour and responsibility as an adult? If they were honest enough with themselves and others, they would have to face their own responsibility and the effect their behaviour has on others. If they had respect for others, they would do the work and help themselves and conform.
You would be surprised how long it takes an ordinary person, (myself) who isn't an addict to learn the responsibility lessons in life, so I guess it may take much longer for an addict to get the message.
So, how can we help them along?
Every other animal on the planet teaches their children to feed themselves! Do you ever see a mammy bird feeding her grown birds? No! Because they left the nest when they could fly!
Us humans are terribly effected when we see someone crying bitterly, saying 'they can't do it.' But it's a natural display of emotions and we are all very good at crying for our own misfortunes. It's ok to see human beings cry and it's ok to see them in emotional pain because you know that it won't kill them. We have all had some very low emotional periods in our life and look! We are still here! I'm pretty sure I'm going to experience some more difficulties in my life. Hey, I'm not even over the difficulties from our last recession, but I'm ok! This is life! Life is full of challenges and encouraging someone through those challenges is helping them. Preventing them from going through their challenges is enabling them to stay dependent on others!
So sadly, some don't make it through their challenges. It seems easier to keep putting that change off. Drinking may get them through this day. A bad mood might prevent them doing it the next day. Different excuses will keep coming up to prevent them from being responsible.
Yes, it's hard to watch your adult family member living on the streets. But they made that choice. They could've chosen a different one. They still can. xx Jean
Wednesday 22 July 2015
It's hard to truly be yourself!
To put myself first or not first, that is the question…..
You know, I spent most of my life pleasing others, putting others needs before mine. I made some choices in my past that was going to make my life more difficult. And once I tend to commit to things, I really do stick at it despite my difficulties with it. But that wasn't good for my emotional health. As inevitably it caused resentment in me.
It's ok when it's your children, your dependent children, who you have a right to take care of and their needs, emotional, physical and educational. That's what being a Mother is!
It's a tough job and it's taken me to my age now at 48 to finally do a good job on Mothering. Teaching your children to fly on their own. My last child is almost 11 and she is going to take longer than the others, but I'm confident with the skills that I have now as a parent that she will get there.
When your children grow into independent adults, you can sit back and relax a little. You've done a good job. They are now able to fend for themselves in the real world. They can earn their own money and they can pay their own bills.
When I was a kid, it was easier to become independent because my parents didn't have the money to spoil us or indeed send us to college. That was ok, what we didn't have, we didn't miss. But it taught us to be workers at any cost. To work, to pay our way in life. That was a great thing!
When my dad was unemployed for ten long years in the late 1970's recession, despite being on that horrible dole queue. He taught us to be workers, that the dole was a horrible place to be. My Father was a violent alcoholic during those dark years and through his pain, he still told us to be workers, to reach for the stars. God rest him.
And thankfully, we worked hard. Although none of my siblings earned enough to be wealthy, we have a good life. We have everything we need. We have a community of family and friends.
But when Ireland received a massive boom to our society, 'The Celtic Tiger', us Irish rushed in and began recklessly spending money on our kids. We began to teach them nothing. Values were dispersed and manners went out the window! Money was easy to come by. Us Irish didn't have to work as hard. we got paid good money for little work. When the crash hit in 2007, Us Irish didn't know how to cope. All of a sudden we had to learn how to work hard again. Earning money was difficult. Paying our bills was difficult and meeting our now spoilt children's needs became impossible. Us Irish people began to think that we deserved things for nothing. We stopped taking our own responsibility for the state of our affairs. It was somebody else's fault.
Now, Us Irish have to work very hard on relearning our children the values that we all learned in our growing up years, respect, gratitude and good manners.
I will tell you, there was a beautiful loyalty among the poor and defeated when our crash hit. Us Irish people showed our wonderful personalities in sharing again. We comforted each other. We reassured each other. We supported each other. This is the good old Irish back again! The one that the World loves and admires!
Anyway, despite the pain and the loss and the worry that our recent recession caused. I embrace it. It has sorted out a few of our issues. What needs are and what wants are.
I now know that I need to put myself first. In relations and situations. I now know when I'm tired and I can't socialise just for the sake of it. I now know what's important to me and I need to make time to do that. If I don't do this, I will be resentful and I can't take that risk. And most importantly, if I don't show my children that it's ok to put my own needs first at times, they will not learn the lesson and they will make the same mistakes as I have.
When I am true to myself, I am happy, I am content.
xx Jean
You know, I spent most of my life pleasing others, putting others needs before mine. I made some choices in my past that was going to make my life more difficult. And once I tend to commit to things, I really do stick at it despite my difficulties with it. But that wasn't good for my emotional health. As inevitably it caused resentment in me.
It's ok when it's your children, your dependent children, who you have a right to take care of and their needs, emotional, physical and educational. That's what being a Mother is!
It's a tough job and it's taken me to my age now at 48 to finally do a good job on Mothering. Teaching your children to fly on their own. My last child is almost 11 and she is going to take longer than the others, but I'm confident with the skills that I have now as a parent that she will get there.
When your children grow into independent adults, you can sit back and relax a little. You've done a good job. They are now able to fend for themselves in the real world. They can earn their own money and they can pay their own bills.
When I was a kid, it was easier to become independent because my parents didn't have the money to spoil us or indeed send us to college. That was ok, what we didn't have, we didn't miss. But it taught us to be workers at any cost. To work, to pay our way in life. That was a great thing!
When my dad was unemployed for ten long years in the late 1970's recession, despite being on that horrible dole queue. He taught us to be workers, that the dole was a horrible place to be. My Father was a violent alcoholic during those dark years and through his pain, he still told us to be workers, to reach for the stars. God rest him.
And thankfully, we worked hard. Although none of my siblings earned enough to be wealthy, we have a good life. We have everything we need. We have a community of family and friends.
But when Ireland received a massive boom to our society, 'The Celtic Tiger', us Irish rushed in and began recklessly spending money on our kids. We began to teach them nothing. Values were dispersed and manners went out the window! Money was easy to come by. Us Irish didn't have to work as hard. we got paid good money for little work. When the crash hit in 2007, Us Irish didn't know how to cope. All of a sudden we had to learn how to work hard again. Earning money was difficult. Paying our bills was difficult and meeting our now spoilt children's needs became impossible. Us Irish people began to think that we deserved things for nothing. We stopped taking our own responsibility for the state of our affairs. It was somebody else's fault.
Now, Us Irish have to work very hard on relearning our children the values that we all learned in our growing up years, respect, gratitude and good manners.
I will tell you, there was a beautiful loyalty among the poor and defeated when our crash hit. Us Irish people showed our wonderful personalities in sharing again. We comforted each other. We reassured each other. We supported each other. This is the good old Irish back again! The one that the World loves and admires!
Anyway, despite the pain and the loss and the worry that our recent recession caused. I embrace it. It has sorted out a few of our issues. What needs are and what wants are.
I now know that I need to put myself first. In relations and situations. I now know when I'm tired and I can't socialise just for the sake of it. I now know what's important to me and I need to make time to do that. If I don't do this, I will be resentful and I can't take that risk. And most importantly, if I don't show my children that it's ok to put my own needs first at times, they will not learn the lesson and they will make the same mistakes as I have.
When I am true to myself, I am happy, I am content.
xx Jean
Tuesday 21 July 2015
When your best friend dumps you!
It's been ten years four months now since my best friend dumped me. I was three months pregnant on Yasmin, 'My Beautiful Flower'. I can honestly say hand on heart that I am now truly over the hurtful experience. In fact I began to get over it about five years ago, but it did take that long. Someone once said to me, instead of being angry and hurt by the situation, pray for her and let her go and I began to do that. It gave me peace.
What happened? I don't really know. There was the usual trivial row that wasn't obviously the reason for the termination of our friendship, but that was the out my friend obviously took.
She was done. She didn't want excuses. She didn't want apologies. And she took her husband and her children with her away from both myself and my husband and my children. I was truly devastated and my husband didn't know what was going on!
My husband said I must've have done something serious. I remember looking at him with distain then, wondering why he didn't know already that I couldn't do anything to hurt anybody!
But I had to look at myself, deeply. If anybody has read my book 'My Beautiful Flower', you'll know that a lot of things were going on in my life five years ago and I was struggling with depression.
But I was capable of being mean and resentful and my husband got the brunt of those emotions. So he knew I was capable of being mean. Yes, I could have said 'I have reasons to be mean and resentful!' But they are just excuses. Excuses that will keep you in that negative frame of mind. When I began to ask God to help me to, 'free my mind from negatives and resentments' I was very close to getting well. I accepted my responsibility of my own bad behaviour and said sorry. And I truly meant it!
It didn't matter who did a bad turn on me, I was responsible for my own reactions and my own bad behaviour in return. I could only work on myself and change me. I could still stand up for my convictions but I didn't have to spit venom doing it.
But what kind of friend was I? That someone could discard me so easily, without ever contacting me again! It made me question past friendships of mine. Was I a mean girl in school? Growing up? Is this some sort of pay back?
I thought I was a good friend. I openly complemented her and admired her sense of style. I never criticised. I gladly supported her children's events like she did mine. We had great conversations and great couple dating with our husbands. I shared my problems with her, but maybe I missed hers. Did I talk too much and not listen?
Looking back now, there were hints, 'I'm really tired.' I sleep on till really late, the kids get their own breakfast.' 'I'm not well today.' I guess I missed it. My friend was obviously suffering with depression and I missed it.
I know I had my own depression going on as well, as the previous year I had a miscarriage and although I wasn't devastated over losing the baby as it stopped growing at six weeks, I went into severe post natal depression. I was a basket case. I never went to the doctor for help then because I just thought I'd get through it. And I wasn't one to stay in bed. I still got up for work, went to the gym, so I was able to function. I didn't know that my friend was also in depression.
I also know that while lost in depression, you are lost in negativity and resentment and unfortunately my friend had harvested those feelings towards me and so was able to justify her walk away from me. And never return.
Had she known it would confirm the feelings of self hatred of myself and the failure I felt as a human being, would she have been so cold?
I cried all the way through my pregnancy on Yasmin and was obviously 'depressed'. I wasn't surprised then of the obvious signs of post natal depression when she came along. I also firmly believe that my depression while carrying Yasmin had a direct effect on her development. I believe that my lack of the chemical serotonin in my brain caused an abnormality in Yasmin's brain development. She came three weeks early into the world and I remember her little voice whimpered into the world. She was scared!
Well God has a funny way of working things and I believe that he knew that Yasmin would be a great gift to me and would help me start working things out. And she did indeed, as I shared with you in my book. And she is an amazing gift as she tries her best at everything! She's my inspiration!
The lesson I have learned from that really sad experience? Yes, as hard as life can be at times, there is a lesson to be learned each time.
I now take care of my friendships. Your friends will always be there for you as long as you don't take them for granted! You need to be able to give in friendship as well as take. You don't have to be a party friend or super funny. Your laughter will come naturally after the tears.
Because we all need our friends. xx Jean
What happened? I don't really know. There was the usual trivial row that wasn't obviously the reason for the termination of our friendship, but that was the out my friend obviously took.
She was done. She didn't want excuses. She didn't want apologies. And she took her husband and her children with her away from both myself and my husband and my children. I was truly devastated and my husband didn't know what was going on!
My husband said I must've have done something serious. I remember looking at him with distain then, wondering why he didn't know already that I couldn't do anything to hurt anybody!
But I had to look at myself, deeply. If anybody has read my book 'My Beautiful Flower', you'll know that a lot of things were going on in my life five years ago and I was struggling with depression.
But I was capable of being mean and resentful and my husband got the brunt of those emotions. So he knew I was capable of being mean. Yes, I could have said 'I have reasons to be mean and resentful!' But they are just excuses. Excuses that will keep you in that negative frame of mind. When I began to ask God to help me to, 'free my mind from negatives and resentments' I was very close to getting well. I accepted my responsibility of my own bad behaviour and said sorry. And I truly meant it!
It didn't matter who did a bad turn on me, I was responsible for my own reactions and my own bad behaviour in return. I could only work on myself and change me. I could still stand up for my convictions but I didn't have to spit venom doing it.
But what kind of friend was I? That someone could discard me so easily, without ever contacting me again! It made me question past friendships of mine. Was I a mean girl in school? Growing up? Is this some sort of pay back?
I thought I was a good friend. I openly complemented her and admired her sense of style. I never criticised. I gladly supported her children's events like she did mine. We had great conversations and great couple dating with our husbands. I shared my problems with her, but maybe I missed hers. Did I talk too much and not listen?
Looking back now, there were hints, 'I'm really tired.' I sleep on till really late, the kids get their own breakfast.' 'I'm not well today.' I guess I missed it. My friend was obviously suffering with depression and I missed it.
I know I had my own depression going on as well, as the previous year I had a miscarriage and although I wasn't devastated over losing the baby as it stopped growing at six weeks, I went into severe post natal depression. I was a basket case. I never went to the doctor for help then because I just thought I'd get through it. And I wasn't one to stay in bed. I still got up for work, went to the gym, so I was able to function. I didn't know that my friend was also in depression.
I also know that while lost in depression, you are lost in negativity and resentment and unfortunately my friend had harvested those feelings towards me and so was able to justify her walk away from me. And never return.
Had she known it would confirm the feelings of self hatred of myself and the failure I felt as a human being, would she have been so cold?
I cried all the way through my pregnancy on Yasmin and was obviously 'depressed'. I wasn't surprised then of the obvious signs of post natal depression when she came along. I also firmly believe that my depression while carrying Yasmin had a direct effect on her development. I believe that my lack of the chemical serotonin in my brain caused an abnormality in Yasmin's brain development. She came three weeks early into the world and I remember her little voice whimpered into the world. She was scared!
Well God has a funny way of working things and I believe that he knew that Yasmin would be a great gift to me and would help me start working things out. And she did indeed, as I shared with you in my book. And she is an amazing gift as she tries her best at everything! She's my inspiration!
The lesson I have learned from that really sad experience? Yes, as hard as life can be at times, there is a lesson to be learned each time.
I now take care of my friendships. Your friends will always be there for you as long as you don't take them for granted! You need to be able to give in friendship as well as take. You don't have to be a party friend or super funny. Your laughter will come naturally after the tears.
Because we all need our friends. xx Jean
Tuesday 14 July 2015
The difference between love and lust!
In talking to the single women out there these days, sisters, nieces, daughters, cousins and friends, it seems it doesn't matter what age you but the men out there have become shits. It seems it's all too true that the nice guys are nabbed young and the bad guys are left for all of the rest of the poor unfortunate ladies.
So what's going on? You can slag off the 60's and 70's all you want but there were a lot more mannerly young men out there. Yes, I'm sure they had their high sexual need that motivated their manners, but at least they had manners! They asked you to dance, they bought you a drink and they dated you a few times before they got down to the nitty gritty of their needs. And then they didn't dump you afterwards either! They were happy to have a relationship with you and wine and dine you... and treat you like a lady!
Yes, they were the days and unfortunately, it seems that those days of gentlemen are gone forever.
The 'New Man' of today meets the lucky lady at the club. Their eyes meet, the girl/woman feels a connection and they go straight into kissing. Granted, a half litre of vodka may have graced their mouths first and given them the confidence of inhibition. There's great passion involved and the girl/woman thinks at this point she's met her soulmate because he misleads her to believe that with his tender touching and holding her in a special way that sends shivers inside her. When they can't go any further in the bar, they quickly head back to someone's car, flat or even around the back of the club will do. It doesn't take long. The new man has no intention of calling the number she gives him and then the heartache begins. She thought he had showed genuine feelings during their interlude and he was just putting on the charm. How did she read it so wrong? Can a woman really ever tell the difference between a man's lustful feelings and genuine love? It seems we can't.
The guy is just too good an actor.
The new man doesn't want a girlfriend. He just wants a ride. As I say, they come in all ages.
The young guys don't want to be stuck with a girlfriend that costs him lots of money especially since he has no problem having regular sex with a new girl each week.
The older guy has just come out of a marriage and definitely doesn't want to go back there again, so he's happy to take the sex and go. And then there's the men who cheat on their wives and don't have to make a commitment.
The new men need to watch out. The women of today take great care of their looks and their style. They're very pretty. They're most likely bright smart women. And they are copping on to the difference between lust and love.
Pretty soon it will be you guys who will be left on the shelf and the woman will have the last laugh.xx
Jean
Sunday 12 July 2015
'Craggy Island!'
I don't know if anyone remember's 'Father Ted', the very funny Irish TV sitcom from the 90's? Basically it was laughing at our mad Irish selves with our then core Catholicism and the basis of our every day lives being priests and nuns. It was set in the west of Ireland and it made me laugh. I can tell you it had the best cast of fabulous actors, Father Dougal (Ardal O'Hanlon) Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn), Father Jack (Frank Kelly) and the brilliant Dermot Morgan who played Father Ted himself. The series came to a sad end because of Dermot Morgan's untimely death.
Anyway, what's my point?
Well, I can honestly tell you, I love holidaying in Ireland. Even the unreliable weather doesn't put me off. We really do have a beautiful scenic Country. So, I didn't hesitate when my sisters where planning to come to Trabolgan Holiday Village, South Cork for this week in July. As I've never been to Trabolgan before, I didn't know exactly what to expect. But I should have known, 'Craggy Island' is alive and well, as we are well and truly here! And I can honestly tell you, the minute us Sutton sisters start planning a holiday, the sun goes in and the rain comes down. You could've mistakenly taken yesterday the 11th July for a grey November day. But did that dampen our spirits? No, not us Irish, we will not be defeated! So we donned our shorts and sunscreen, (just in case!) and got on with things. There's quite a gang of us Dub's, (17 in this group) of kids and adults alike. The kids were initially traumatised with no network or wifi anywhere to be got, (there is a small bit of wifi in the coffee shop) but soon realised they better all start talking to each now they'd nothing else to do! We started off with the outdoor activities that included a not unimpressive racing track, that the kids discovered the inner rally drivers! At 7 euros a go, it is quite expensive and you wouldn't see your few bob going fast. Three times later and when the rain started to pelt down, we headed to the swimming pool. Where we put off with the slowest water slide in history? Not at all, the kids trudged on. I was the elected water mammy of the kids and surprised myself with the fun I had playing ball games with my gang of nine 9 to 15 year olds. When I couldn't keep the kids in the pool for a moment longer, we went to shower and change. Not for the faint hearted or the modest customer. I can only tell you it was hilarious!
We were all looking forward to the entertainment of the evening which included Bingo! And we nearly won too! After giving 'Dumb and Dumber two' (the entertainers from Craggy Island themselves) a good shot, we headed to the pub as one can only do in Ireland! And there was more Bingo with cash prizes! And we nearly won that too! The kids had a grand time playing one lane bowling after waiting in turn for a couple of hours. Sure it gave us a chance for a relaxing pint! And they won thousands of those ticket things that got them a lovely lollipop in the little shop just before they closed at 10 o clock!
I'm not laughing at you Trabolgan, I'm laughing with you!
And the kids, are they miserable? Absolutely not! They're having a great time!
xx Jean
Anyway, what's my point?
Well, I can honestly tell you, I love holidaying in Ireland. Even the unreliable weather doesn't put me off. We really do have a beautiful scenic Country. So, I didn't hesitate when my sisters where planning to come to Trabolgan Holiday Village, South Cork for this week in July. As I've never been to Trabolgan before, I didn't know exactly what to expect. But I should have known, 'Craggy Island' is alive and well, as we are well and truly here! And I can honestly tell you, the minute us Sutton sisters start planning a holiday, the sun goes in and the rain comes down. You could've mistakenly taken yesterday the 11th July for a grey November day. But did that dampen our spirits? No, not us Irish, we will not be defeated! So we donned our shorts and sunscreen, (just in case!) and got on with things. There's quite a gang of us Dub's, (17 in this group) of kids and adults alike. The kids were initially traumatised with no network or wifi anywhere to be got, (there is a small bit of wifi in the coffee shop) but soon realised they better all start talking to each now they'd nothing else to do! We started off with the outdoor activities that included a not unimpressive racing track, that the kids discovered the inner rally drivers! At 7 euros a go, it is quite expensive and you wouldn't see your few bob going fast. Three times later and when the rain started to pelt down, we headed to the swimming pool. Where we put off with the slowest water slide in history? Not at all, the kids trudged on. I was the elected water mammy of the kids and surprised myself with the fun I had playing ball games with my gang of nine 9 to 15 year olds. When I couldn't keep the kids in the pool for a moment longer, we went to shower and change. Not for the faint hearted or the modest customer. I can only tell you it was hilarious!
We were all looking forward to the entertainment of the evening which included Bingo! And we nearly won too! After giving 'Dumb and Dumber two' (the entertainers from Craggy Island themselves) a good shot, we headed to the pub as one can only do in Ireland! And there was more Bingo with cash prizes! And we nearly won that too! The kids had a grand time playing one lane bowling after waiting in turn for a couple of hours. Sure it gave us a chance for a relaxing pint! And they won thousands of those ticket things that got them a lovely lollipop in the little shop just before they closed at 10 o clock!
I'm not laughing at you Trabolgan, I'm laughing with you!
And the kids, are they miserable? Absolutely not! They're having a great time!
xx Jean
Thursday 9 July 2015
What couples argue about most...
I would have thought that the least thing that myself and my husband would argue about over the years is money. But that is exactly what we do.
My husband and many others that we know think that I am spend thrift. The truth is, I am not. True, our bills and our children's nessessities can be very high and I spend our money on those things, but luxury's truly, no. I do like luxuries but the recession sorted out the difference between what I needed and what I wanted. Apart from holidays. My only personal luxury is booking holidays. I guess you could say I need holidays. It's not like I go off on my own! I bring my husband and children too!
It's just when I see the opportunity to go somewhere especially to see family members, I go for it. I love a big family holiday. The kids love it, the women love it. The men might not love it....
Myself and the hubby are two different personalities granted, and maybe I can afford to be a bit casual about the size of our outgoings because I'm not the one who has earned the majority of our money, but in saying that, I have no problem spending my own earned money on our family either. So I'm not a taker only, I'm a giver also. Where am I going with this? A couple of months ago, my hubby got himself stuck in a resentment mode towards me. Why? Because I did my usual thing and booked an extra family holiday after being a bit careless with a bit of his hard earned dosh. Of course he gave me the speech about the size of our mortgages and hows he's trying to get them sorted and I truly understand that, I do! I'm working hard to try help also! He lasted quite a while in this resentment mode and I can tell you, living with someone who gives you the silent treatment for a few weeks is pure torture. So, I guess I had enough. He looked miserable so I thought he was miserable. Maybe he was quite happy having a bit of peace in all the silence?
So what do I do? Something crazy. Something for my husband to come back to me and say,
'I've pushed you too far.'
Well I can't really tell you what I did, (because even my friends said, I wasn't in my right state of mind, it's true) but why does it always take drastic measures to make a man own up to his own responsibilities? Why can't they just identify the exact problem at the time and just deal with that instead of burying it with all the other issues they have resulting in them not knowing why they were silently resentful in the first place!
My husband and many others that we know think that I am spend thrift. The truth is, I am not. True, our bills and our children's nessessities can be very high and I spend our money on those things, but luxury's truly, no. I do like luxuries but the recession sorted out the difference between what I needed and what I wanted. Apart from holidays. My only personal luxury is booking holidays. I guess you could say I need holidays. It's not like I go off on my own! I bring my husband and children too!
It's just when I see the opportunity to go somewhere especially to see family members, I go for it. I love a big family holiday. The kids love it, the women love it. The men might not love it....
Myself and the hubby are two different personalities granted, and maybe I can afford to be a bit casual about the size of our outgoings because I'm not the one who has earned the majority of our money, but in saying that, I have no problem spending my own earned money on our family either. So I'm not a taker only, I'm a giver also. Where am I going with this? A couple of months ago, my hubby got himself stuck in a resentment mode towards me. Why? Because I did my usual thing and booked an extra family holiday after being a bit careless with a bit of his hard earned dosh. Of course he gave me the speech about the size of our mortgages and hows he's trying to get them sorted and I truly understand that, I do! I'm working hard to try help also! He lasted quite a while in this resentment mode and I can tell you, living with someone who gives you the silent treatment for a few weeks is pure torture. So, I guess I had enough. He looked miserable so I thought he was miserable. Maybe he was quite happy having a bit of peace in all the silence?
So what do I do? Something crazy. Something for my husband to come back to me and say,
'I've pushed you too far.'
Well I can't really tell you what I did, (because even my friends said, I wasn't in my right state of mind, it's true) but why does it always take drastic measures to make a man own up to his own responsibilities? Why can't they just identify the exact problem at the time and just deal with that instead of burying it with all the other issues they have resulting in them not knowing why they were silently resentful in the first place!
Sunday 5 July 2015
A follow up from my poem 'Under the Great Gates of the Bank of Ireland'
Just giving you some more back round information on how I wrote the poem about homeless people.
Anybody living in a city will have come across homeless people many times as there are many people homeless. These days, there are a lot of young people who are homeless. We all feel pity for these people because we see them at their most vunerable. They are exposed to us all. We see them unclean, where they sleep, what they eat and drink and their habits.
The rest of us do all the same thing, but we have the dignity of privacy. I used to sit outside the wax museum on Dame street, Dublin, sipping my Starbucks coffee while waiting for Yasmin to do a speech and language drama class in the Gaiety school of acting in the Temple Bar area. It was in the height of our recession in 2012 and I didn't have any spare cash to pay parking, never mind go shopping. So I'd sit in the car and drink my cappuchino, (I could afford that).
It was 11.30 am every Saturday morning and there were always the few homeless people sleeping beside those great big steel gates of the Bank of Ireland's back door.
These lads were only teenage boys and it was really sad to see them so young at this stage in their life. What drove them to it? Abuse at home? Undiagnosed learning difficulties that prevented them fitting in?
Anyway, what ever it was, it made these young kids feel more at home on the streets of Dublin, where drugs became their friend. I couldn't do much to help these people, I had my own huge responsibilities, but I could treat them with respect and I could teach my children to treat them with respect. I truly admire the many people of Ireland who give up their time to help these homeless people and the parents who have just lots their kids to drugs. They do their best to get these kids a bed for the night, but they have to be sober and in at a certain time and these kids aren't ready to do that.
When the sleeping bodies awoke, they would gather up their pennies to try buy a cup of tea or coffee from Starbucks. What ever spare I had, I would give to them and sometimes I would get their cuppa's for them. Although very heavily drugged, I noticed their concern for each other.
These young people were very grateful for any small help.
Another day, towards Christmas, when I walked up to Gino's ice cream place on Grafton street with my girls, there was an obvious homeless person in front of me ordering two of the largest ice cream cups he could buy. He had collected about 10 euros from begging that evening and he was bringing his pal back an ice cream who couldn't walk up that far. (I was thinking of what state that poor creature could be in) He was about 30 and he was carrying his black bag of belongings because he couldn't leave it anywhere. I was chatting with him as I would any person and I could see other people staring in distaste as he had the slow talk of a drug user, but he wasn't in any way aggressive. The guy needed a bag of a sort to help carry the ice cream and I gave him a little bag and he was delighted. 'Merry christmas' he bade me as he went on his way.
Some people who live on the streets for a good few years, like my husband's cousin Liam Mcmahon who lives under Queens Bridge in New York, can never adjust to living under a roof again. Living outside in extreme conditions has an effect on the mind. Homeless people are always on the look out for people who want to bash them or kick them for no reason. Liam was beaten very badly before and that made him very suspicious. Liam lost everything because of his alcoholism.
But he still deserve's to be treated with respect. That's all he wants. xx Jean
Anybody living in a city will have come across homeless people many times as there are many people homeless. These days, there are a lot of young people who are homeless. We all feel pity for these people because we see them at their most vunerable. They are exposed to us all. We see them unclean, where they sleep, what they eat and drink and their habits.
The rest of us do all the same thing, but we have the dignity of privacy. I used to sit outside the wax museum on Dame street, Dublin, sipping my Starbucks coffee while waiting for Yasmin to do a speech and language drama class in the Gaiety school of acting in the Temple Bar area. It was in the height of our recession in 2012 and I didn't have any spare cash to pay parking, never mind go shopping. So I'd sit in the car and drink my cappuchino, (I could afford that).
It was 11.30 am every Saturday morning and there were always the few homeless people sleeping beside those great big steel gates of the Bank of Ireland's back door.
These lads were only teenage boys and it was really sad to see them so young at this stage in their life. What drove them to it? Abuse at home? Undiagnosed learning difficulties that prevented them fitting in?
Anyway, what ever it was, it made these young kids feel more at home on the streets of Dublin, where drugs became their friend. I couldn't do much to help these people, I had my own huge responsibilities, but I could treat them with respect and I could teach my children to treat them with respect. I truly admire the many people of Ireland who give up their time to help these homeless people and the parents who have just lots their kids to drugs. They do their best to get these kids a bed for the night, but they have to be sober and in at a certain time and these kids aren't ready to do that.
When the sleeping bodies awoke, they would gather up their pennies to try buy a cup of tea or coffee from Starbucks. What ever spare I had, I would give to them and sometimes I would get their cuppa's for them. Although very heavily drugged, I noticed their concern for each other.
These young people were very grateful for any small help.
Another day, towards Christmas, when I walked up to Gino's ice cream place on Grafton street with my girls, there was an obvious homeless person in front of me ordering two of the largest ice cream cups he could buy. He had collected about 10 euros from begging that evening and he was bringing his pal back an ice cream who couldn't walk up that far. (I was thinking of what state that poor creature could be in) He was about 30 and he was carrying his black bag of belongings because he couldn't leave it anywhere. I was chatting with him as I would any person and I could see other people staring in distaste as he had the slow talk of a drug user, but he wasn't in any way aggressive. The guy needed a bag of a sort to help carry the ice cream and I gave him a little bag and he was delighted. 'Merry christmas' he bade me as he went on his way.
Some people who live on the streets for a good few years, like my husband's cousin Liam Mcmahon who lives under Queens Bridge in New York, can never adjust to living under a roof again. Living outside in extreme conditions has an effect on the mind. Homeless people are always on the look out for people who want to bash them or kick them for no reason. Liam was beaten very badly before and that made him very suspicious. Liam lost everything because of his alcoholism.
But he still deserve's to be treated with respect. That's all he wants. xx Jean
Another poem from my book 'My beautiful Flower' by Jean Murray
I wrote this poem when I felt so sad for my little girl Yasmin, after a plane journey to France. It was one of many plane journey's that other passengers felt they could be openly rude to my daughter because of her over excitement or anguish on the plane. Having Dyspraxia,Yasmin looked like any other child at seven years of age. They wouldn't know that her mental developmental age at the time was only four. Children don't behave badly for no reason. Sometimes there's an underlying condition. Sometimes it's allowed bad behaviour. Sometimes there's problems at home that effects the kids. Sometimes there's abuse. There is always a reason.
I see my beautiful child,
not with a disability,
She wants to dance
She wants to sing
She likes being pretty.
I see my beautiful child,
She wants to run
She wants to swim
She wants to show jump competitively!
I don't see her disability.
I let her dance
I let her run
I let her sing
I let her swim
I'll let her show jump competitively!
She works so hard,
She likes to please,
I don't see her disability!
Some don't see what I see,
What a loss for them.
Because if they looked at this beautiful child,
They would learn God's wishes.
I see my beautiful child,
not with a disability,
She wants to dance
She wants to sing
She likes being pretty.
I see my beautiful child,
She wants to run
She wants to swim
She wants to show jump competitively!
I don't see her disability.
I let her dance
I let her run
I let her sing
I let her swim
I'll let her show jump competitively!
She works so hard,
She likes to please,
I don't see her disability!
Some don't see what I see,
What a loss for them.
Because if they looked at this beautiful child,
They would learn God's wishes.
Saturday 4 July 2015
I thought I might share a poem with you from my book that I wrote about the homeless.
'Under the Great Gates of the Bank of Ireland'
What age are those feet under that blanket?
They look so young
And the stench of urine that surrounds them
It sickens my stomach.
I should stay here to feel what real pain is,
Real Loss.
Real Dysfunction.
The ground must be cold and hard even with an extra sleeping bag underneath him...
And boxes to sleep on.
Whose child is this?
No Mother to care?
Only the others like him...
They bring the hot tea, a sandwich to share.
Then the other stuff and tin foil.
All their faces weathered red and sleepy heads,
Teeth not good.
Faces so young, so old.
So grateful for anything.
The boy loves hot chocolate with five spoons of sugar.
'Thanks Love,
God Bless You."
By Jean Murray
What age are those feet under that blanket?
They look so young
And the stench of urine that surrounds them
It sickens my stomach.
I should stay here to feel what real pain is,
Real Loss.
Real Dysfunction.
The ground must be cold and hard even with an extra sleeping bag underneath him...
And boxes to sleep on.
Whose child is this?
No Mother to care?
Only the others like him...
They bring the hot tea, a sandwich to share.
Then the other stuff and tin foil.
All their faces weathered red and sleepy heads,
Teeth not good.
Faces so young, so old.
So grateful for anything.
The boy loves hot chocolate with five spoons of sugar.
'Thanks Love,
God Bless You."
By Jean Murray
Wednesday 1 July 2015
The dangers of allowing bad behaviour in your home.
It starts out with the terrible two's tantrums. Some parents look at their little angel and are so concerned that that are in distress, that they will do anything to comfort them, or give them anything. Wrong straight away, because I think the first thing to remember is, that it is ok to be upset. Toddlers don't know how to express their emotions so it comes out as a tantrum. As a parent, addressing that tantrum properly from the very first will decide the child's future. If it's unacceptable or unreasonable, tell them so, take them away from the situation firmly, but kindly and give them a consequence. Teaching your child that they have to accept their own responsibilities for their bad behaviour is a valuable lesson. Believing that your child will never get over his/her distress and trying to comfort him/her with goodies is setting him/her up for failure in his life.
I see it all the time myself. Different personalities in parents or 'afraid of the scene' parents are enabling their children to be bad behaviour growing children and then adults.
Of course, you have to find the right balance. I was a tough parent on my first child, so I got it wrong. Judging and critisizing a child will only teach them to be secretive and untrusting. Hitting will only teach them to fear.
When my last little angel started to have severe tantrums, (ok, because of her difficulties, but there's still no excuse not to deal with the situation properly) I rang the ADHD helpline, because before any of her assessments, I was sure it was ADHD. Thankfully, a very helpful man got on the phone to me. He pointed out to me, that I should stop allowing bad behaviour from my child straight away. I wasn't helping her. The truth was, I didn't know how to deal with my little 4 year old daughter's tantrums. They were scary! But I took his advice, and the minute I started to address the situation properly, kindly, firmly and accepting no bad behaviour without a consequence, things changed immediately.
I could honestly see the relief in Yasmin's eyes when I was finally behaving like a responsible loving parent. The 'step' really worked well for us, Yasmin would say, "No Mammy, not the step!"
And the consequence action still continues today. Now, if Yasmin is misbehaving, even at 10 and a half years of age, I take her aside and tell her that her bad behaviour is unacceptable, I give her a warning, and sometimes where ever we are, I have to carry out that warning, because if I didn't, it wouldn't work and your child would learn that as a parent, you are showing that you have no value.
Although Yasmin loves school, some days when I pick her up, she's sad, withdrawn or upset. I realize that socially, school can be hard for Yasmin as well as sitting for long periods and having to concentrate. How do I deal with this? I encourage her to talk about her day, but I don't push. If she's cheeky, I'll tell her, 'I won't accept bad behaviour', she says 'sorry'. What can I do to make her feel better? Not too much, but I can squeeze her hand while we listen to some of her favourite songs on the cd player. I tell her I love her. Yasmin eventually smiles.
It's ok for your child to go through all of these emotions because this is part of life. I know we would all like to wrap our children in cotton wool, but we can't, but a wise woman told me once (Rosena) we can make our home environment loving and safe and supportive for when they arrive home. Jean xx
I see it all the time myself. Different personalities in parents or 'afraid of the scene' parents are enabling their children to be bad behaviour growing children and then adults.
Of course, you have to find the right balance. I was a tough parent on my first child, so I got it wrong. Judging and critisizing a child will only teach them to be secretive and untrusting. Hitting will only teach them to fear.
When my last little angel started to have severe tantrums, (ok, because of her difficulties, but there's still no excuse not to deal with the situation properly) I rang the ADHD helpline, because before any of her assessments, I was sure it was ADHD. Thankfully, a very helpful man got on the phone to me. He pointed out to me, that I should stop allowing bad behaviour from my child straight away. I wasn't helping her. The truth was, I didn't know how to deal with my little 4 year old daughter's tantrums. They were scary! But I took his advice, and the minute I started to address the situation properly, kindly, firmly and accepting no bad behaviour without a consequence, things changed immediately.
I could honestly see the relief in Yasmin's eyes when I was finally behaving like a responsible loving parent. The 'step' really worked well for us, Yasmin would say, "No Mammy, not the step!"
And the consequence action still continues today. Now, if Yasmin is misbehaving, even at 10 and a half years of age, I take her aside and tell her that her bad behaviour is unacceptable, I give her a warning, and sometimes where ever we are, I have to carry out that warning, because if I didn't, it wouldn't work and your child would learn that as a parent, you are showing that you have no value.
Although Yasmin loves school, some days when I pick her up, she's sad, withdrawn or upset. I realize that socially, school can be hard for Yasmin as well as sitting for long periods and having to concentrate. How do I deal with this? I encourage her to talk about her day, but I don't push. If she's cheeky, I'll tell her, 'I won't accept bad behaviour', she says 'sorry'. What can I do to make her feel better? Not too much, but I can squeeze her hand while we listen to some of her favourite songs on the cd player. I tell her I love her. Yasmin eventually smiles.
It's ok for your child to go through all of these emotions because this is part of life. I know we would all like to wrap our children in cotton wool, but we can't, but a wise woman told me once (Rosena) we can make our home environment loving and safe and supportive for when they arrive home. Jean xx
Tuesday 30 June 2015
Entertaining the kids on Summer Holidays!
So the weekend at 'The Flavors of Fingal' in Donabate was fun for the kids. It had lots of entertainment, but it was expensive and not something us Irish people can afford to do every day of the Summer holidays. So what do you do with a bunch of ten year old girls on their first day of school's out when you're broke after the weekend?
That was my thought exactly yesterday as I had four of Yasmin's school pals over for a play date.
So firstly, I let them play around the house and garden, catching up on their neglected toys and bouncing on the trampolene, while I cooked a lunch and packed a picnic.
Myself and my neighbour Catherine with four kids (three that she minds) decided to go to Donabate beach, North County Dublin.
Donabate beach is a beautiful safe beach with no deep shelving, but deep enough to swim. As usual with the Irish weather, it started out really warm yesterday morning, but as we arrived at the beach at 2.45pm, the wind had got quite strong and the sun had decided to go elsewhere!
But children being brave and adventurous stripped off and headed straight in! Jumping into the cold waves with big squeals of happiness. Not for the faint hearted!
I remember when my sister in law Darlene and her five children from Texas came to visit one Summer and we brought them up to Donabate beach in the freezing cold weather of June at the time. Their shocked faces told us we were mad! We were indeed. I'm sorry Darlene.xx
Anyway, when the kids were cold enough and turning a good shade of purple and the sandwiches had flavors of sand crunching in them, we headed back to the playground beyond the beach.We piled plenty of jumpers and jackets on the freezing little bodies and shared biscuits and tea and hugs.
The kids were soon stripping off again as they start running around with a ball. A few dock leaf's later after numerous stings from running in through the little forest playing hide and seek, declaring, 'not the worse stings they had ever got'. "Mine was much worse" said Maggie Joe, "Once I fell into a whole bunch of nettles and I was stung all over!" Everybody 'Ooohed.'
Our gang of nine girls and we two stopped at the notoriously famous 'Scrum Diddley's' in Donabate village on the way home for ice cream and coffees and everybody was silently relishing their delicious ice cream at 2.50 euros each for a generous cup and three toppings.
The kids happy as peas in a pod as we left for home. (I did have to stop once for a little bout of car sickness from Yasmin and all the girls went 'Ugh!' But sure it was grand, 'Not the worse bout', she said)
Day 1 over and Yasmin exhaustedly fell into bed last night with a smile on her face, "What are we doing tomorrow Mammy?"
xx Jean
That was my thought exactly yesterday as I had four of Yasmin's school pals over for a play date.
So firstly, I let them play around the house and garden, catching up on their neglected toys and bouncing on the trampolene, while I cooked a lunch and packed a picnic.
Myself and my neighbour Catherine with four kids (three that she minds) decided to go to Donabate beach, North County Dublin.
Donabate beach is a beautiful safe beach with no deep shelving, but deep enough to swim. As usual with the Irish weather, it started out really warm yesterday morning, but as we arrived at the beach at 2.45pm, the wind had got quite strong and the sun had decided to go elsewhere!
But children being brave and adventurous stripped off and headed straight in! Jumping into the cold waves with big squeals of happiness. Not for the faint hearted!
I remember when my sister in law Darlene and her five children from Texas came to visit one Summer and we brought them up to Donabate beach in the freezing cold weather of June at the time. Their shocked faces told us we were mad! We were indeed. I'm sorry Darlene.xx
Anyway, when the kids were cold enough and turning a good shade of purple and the sandwiches had flavors of sand crunching in them, we headed back to the playground beyond the beach.We piled plenty of jumpers and jackets on the freezing little bodies and shared biscuits and tea and hugs.
The kids were soon stripping off again as they start running around with a ball. A few dock leaf's later after numerous stings from running in through the little forest playing hide and seek, declaring, 'not the worse stings they had ever got'. "Mine was much worse" said Maggie Joe, "Once I fell into a whole bunch of nettles and I was stung all over!" Everybody 'Ooohed.'
Our gang of nine girls and we two stopped at the notoriously famous 'Scrum Diddley's' in Donabate village on the way home for ice cream and coffees and everybody was silently relishing their delicious ice cream at 2.50 euros each for a generous cup and three toppings.
The kids happy as peas in a pod as we left for home. (I did have to stop once for a little bout of car sickness from Yasmin and all the girls went 'Ugh!' But sure it was grand, 'Not the worse bout', she said)
Day 1 over and Yasmin exhaustedly fell into bed last night with a smile on her face, "What are we doing tomorrow Mammy?"
xx Jean
Monday 29 June 2015
I couldn't help but smile. xx
We decided to take our ten year old Yasmin and her seven year old pony on their first outside show yesterday. It was at the 'Flavors of Fingal' in Donabate. So we packed the picnic and loaded up Yasmin's pony Eclipse and her friend's pony Victoria and off we went. Just to add an extra bit of stress, we brought our three huskies and five of the girls friends.
I remember the days that I worked in a hair salon and I was glamorously groomed, well this is not what I look like when I'm out with my dogs and pony. Trying to hold three strong willed dogs while my husband helps Yasmin tack up gives me strong muscles, yes, but battered hands also! My hair is a fuzzy mess and my face has a lovely weathered look about it. I now wear a scarf around my neck to finally protect my aging neck and chest from the sun, so no, I'm not the most glamorous horsey mammy out there.
And the day gets off to a flying start when Eclipse decides he's having none of it. He refuses every jump, try's to throw Yasmin off, throws ears back at my husband and gallops off, amazingly with Yasmin still on his back.
The dogs are behaving just as badly as it is a country show, there are plenty of lovely chickens, rabbits and sheep for breakfast, almost within reach of my dogs watering mouths. I spend hours holding on tight trying to swallow a mouthful of deserving coffee with little luck.
That was day 1. There were plenty of tears from Yasmin and complaints from my husband as he was going to strangle the pony for being so bold, and me for getting the worse pony ever and dogs for wanting to eat the livestock. Yes, it was a typical Saturday morning for the Murray's!
Day 2, and it was looking good as Eclipse loaded the box with relative ease. But I'm afraid, as soon as Eclipse saw where he was he started acting up. The judges tried to help him by calming words but announced him as 'Eclipse with a mind of his own.' And yes, Eclipse decided to show everybody he was the boss. He galloped around doing what he wanted to do. More moaning from my husband, more tears from Yasmin and the dogs finally getting the better of me dragged me on my back a few feet towards the chickens. Thankfully I held on tight, almost having my arms pulled out of their sockets and I'm sure I looked the prettiest sight for all.
But when we loaded up the animals and the children, all unharmed Thank God, the seven ten year old girls wanted to travel home in my car. There were five strapped in the back and two in the front including myself. And as we departed 'The Flavors of Fingal Country Fair' the girls were blasting 'Cecilia, from The Vamps' on the CD player and singing at the top of their voices.
And I couldn't help but smile.xxx Jean
Friday 26 June 2015
Dyspraxia
My last child Yasmin who is ten years and nine months old was diagnosed with Dyspraxia when she was just over five years of age.
Dyspraxia is a delayed developmental disorder of the brain causing difficulties in activities requiring coordination and movement. Inside her Dyspraxia came dyslexia, dyscalculia (maths dyslexia) speech and language comprehension disorder and severe sensory difficulties.
Yasmin would take a long time to learn a task.
In those early years before a diagnosis, life was very crazy with Yasmin, (my little angel).
The first thing that I noticed was unusual was her car sickness. Yasmin started to get car sickness at six months old. As soon as we got on the road to do basic groceries or errands, Yasmin would vomit up very severely. This happened every day and sometimes twice a day all the way till she was nearly eight years old. ( When her continuous sessions of Occupational therapy kicked in, it really turned things around!)
I spent endless hours pulled up on the side of roads and motor ways trying to clean up her and the car. I managed really well most of the time because as well as being sick, Yasmin would scream hysterically with discomfort or fear. I had to remain calm to reassure her, but a couple of times I had a couple of tantrums myself and scared both Yasmin and Sarah.
There was one time that is a bit funny. Yasmin was about three years old and I was picking up Sarah from the horse yard about six km away. It was a winter's evening, so it was dark and rainy with heavy winds. And it happened, Yasmin said 'Sick, sick!' I got Sarah to pass a bag back to her, (At this point Yasmin could hold a bag to get sick in, it helped a lot!) Yasmin proceeds to get sick and is crying hysterically. I reach back and take the bag when she's finished, (No I don't stop the car and pull in till it's over, I was really tired and just needed to get home:) )I hand the bag to Sarah to hold, (Sarah's thirteen at the time) "No, Ugh, No! I can't hold it!" She squeals. "Oh for God's sake Sarah! Throw it out the window!" I say. (I forgot to mention, that Yasmin has to have the window down in the car in freezing conditions!) Sarah throws the bag out of her window up front and the bag of vomit flies into Yasmin's window at the back! Going all over Yasmin and the car! "Ahghghgh!" I scream, (No I still don't stop the car!) I had to put Yasmin straight into the bath (And water hurts her!) and I cleaned the car the next morning. (I went through a lot of car seats and cars!)
On one of her last bouts of sickness, (I have to share this) we were traveling to JFK Airport in a smelly taxi cab. It was a hot summer day and there was a lot of traffic. The lovely Haiti guy was really chatty, but he was jamming on the breaks every couple of minutes. Yasmin was crying, she felt really ill. The inevitable happens. Thankfully we had one plastic bag and Yasmin filled it well and then I felt so ill, I had to get sick too! As Myself and Yasmin were vomiting in the bag, the taxi guy was saying to my husband, "Are they ok?" And my hubby says, "Just keep driving, they're grand," The smell was killing him!
Yasmin said later, "Oh Mam, your sick really smelled!"
In the last five years of solid help for Yasmin, she has come along way. Yes it took her a long time for her to learn to ride a bike and skip and swim, (mastering swimming in the last year!) And she had many injuries from falling while just playing, broken leg, arms, elbows, wrists, head bump, and nasty gashes.
I was a nervous wreck by the time she started pony lessons at age five and after many falls, you wouldn't believe what she has mastered in pony riding today! She says it is her passion. (Pony riding is very good for children with difficulties)
Yasmin loves school (Rathbeggan National school) and all her friends. She knows she's a bit different in ways, but she also knows everybody is different. Although she finds literal and numerical work difficult, she is eager to learn.
Her planning and organizational skills and showers are something that I'm going to be helping with for a long time, but I'm happy to do it.
There were a hard few years and I am grateful to all who has helped Yasmin achieve her milestones.
Now, as she approaches puberty age, I ask her, "Will I show you that book on body changes for growing girls?" And she says.
"Not yet mammy."
Jean xx
Dyspraxia is a delayed developmental disorder of the brain causing difficulties in activities requiring coordination and movement. Inside her Dyspraxia came dyslexia, dyscalculia (maths dyslexia) speech and language comprehension disorder and severe sensory difficulties.
Yasmin would take a long time to learn a task.
In those early years before a diagnosis, life was very crazy with Yasmin, (my little angel).
The first thing that I noticed was unusual was her car sickness. Yasmin started to get car sickness at six months old. As soon as we got on the road to do basic groceries or errands, Yasmin would vomit up very severely. This happened every day and sometimes twice a day all the way till she was nearly eight years old. ( When her continuous sessions of Occupational therapy kicked in, it really turned things around!)
I spent endless hours pulled up on the side of roads and motor ways trying to clean up her and the car. I managed really well most of the time because as well as being sick, Yasmin would scream hysterically with discomfort or fear. I had to remain calm to reassure her, but a couple of times I had a couple of tantrums myself and scared both Yasmin and Sarah.
There was one time that is a bit funny. Yasmin was about three years old and I was picking up Sarah from the horse yard about six km away. It was a winter's evening, so it was dark and rainy with heavy winds. And it happened, Yasmin said 'Sick, sick!' I got Sarah to pass a bag back to her, (At this point Yasmin could hold a bag to get sick in, it helped a lot!) Yasmin proceeds to get sick and is crying hysterically. I reach back and take the bag when she's finished, (No I don't stop the car and pull in till it's over, I was really tired and just needed to get home:) )I hand the bag to Sarah to hold, (Sarah's thirteen at the time) "No, Ugh, No! I can't hold it!" She squeals. "Oh for God's sake Sarah! Throw it out the window!" I say. (I forgot to mention, that Yasmin has to have the window down in the car in freezing conditions!) Sarah throws the bag out of her window up front and the bag of vomit flies into Yasmin's window at the back! Going all over Yasmin and the car! "Ahghghgh!" I scream, (No I still don't stop the car!) I had to put Yasmin straight into the bath (And water hurts her!) and I cleaned the car the next morning. (I went through a lot of car seats and cars!)
On one of her last bouts of sickness, (I have to share this) we were traveling to JFK Airport in a smelly taxi cab. It was a hot summer day and there was a lot of traffic. The lovely Haiti guy was really chatty, but he was jamming on the breaks every couple of minutes. Yasmin was crying, she felt really ill. The inevitable happens. Thankfully we had one plastic bag and Yasmin filled it well and then I felt so ill, I had to get sick too! As Myself and Yasmin were vomiting in the bag, the taxi guy was saying to my husband, "Are they ok?" And my hubby says, "Just keep driving, they're grand," The smell was killing him!
Yasmin said later, "Oh Mam, your sick really smelled!"
In the last five years of solid help for Yasmin, she has come along way. Yes it took her a long time for her to learn to ride a bike and skip and swim, (mastering swimming in the last year!) And she had many injuries from falling while just playing, broken leg, arms, elbows, wrists, head bump, and nasty gashes.
I was a nervous wreck by the time she started pony lessons at age five and after many falls, you wouldn't believe what she has mastered in pony riding today! She says it is her passion. (Pony riding is very good for children with difficulties)
Yasmin loves school (Rathbeggan National school) and all her friends. She knows she's a bit different in ways, but she also knows everybody is different. Although she finds literal and numerical work difficult, she is eager to learn.
Her planning and organizational skills and showers are something that I'm going to be helping with for a long time, but I'm happy to do it.
There were a hard few years and I am grateful to all who has helped Yasmin achieve her milestones.
Now, as she approaches puberty age, I ask her, "Will I show you that book on body changes for growing girls?" And she says.
"Not yet mammy."
Jean xx
Thursday 25 June 2015
An ordinary life!
As I wake each morning, I remind myself that life is a gift and to cherish every moment. I am so glad that my family are healthy and safe and that is also a gift for me. I am grateful for each new day of Irish unruly weather and it's wonderful fresh air.
I started to practice this brain washing about three years ago in order to battle my negative brain that was depressed. This really started to help me and had real and lasting results. It doesn't cure depression, because depressed brains also have a chemical imbalance. Depression will come and go like the flu, but when it does, I'm kinder to myself now. I listen to my mind and body and take care of it. I still practice positive thinking and gratitude because that is so important to me.
Of course, I still have to tackle my daily duties of life, being a Mother, a Wife, cleaning my house. I wrestle the job of balancing our bills like every other parent with the endless lists of needs, so I'm not going around like 'Maria' from 'The Sound of Music'! I make lots of mistakes!
But that is life. Life is a challenging road. A learning road.
I found it very easy to write my book 'My beautiful flower' because it was a discovery book about myself. The road I took in life, the mistakes I made and the lessons I learned.
It's a beautiful journey of someone who is nobody special. An ordinary person's life, that I'm sure there are loads of you with a life like mine. But every body's life is special, just like every body's birth is so individually different and special.
I tell my story about my life that is beautiful and individual even though it has it's sadness and devastation. I am always aware on my journey through life that God's beautiful Earth surrounds my every moment of my travels and I share that with you even in my moment's of pain. I laugh at myself in places and I know you will laugh too at similar things you did in your life too.
jean xx
I started to practice this brain washing about three years ago in order to battle my negative brain that was depressed. This really started to help me and had real and lasting results. It doesn't cure depression, because depressed brains also have a chemical imbalance. Depression will come and go like the flu, but when it does, I'm kinder to myself now. I listen to my mind and body and take care of it. I still practice positive thinking and gratitude because that is so important to me.
Of course, I still have to tackle my daily duties of life, being a Mother, a Wife, cleaning my house. I wrestle the job of balancing our bills like every other parent with the endless lists of needs, so I'm not going around like 'Maria' from 'The Sound of Music'! I make lots of mistakes!
But that is life. Life is a challenging road. A learning road.
I found it very easy to write my book 'My beautiful flower' because it was a discovery book about myself. The road I took in life, the mistakes I made and the lessons I learned.
It's a beautiful journey of someone who is nobody special. An ordinary person's life, that I'm sure there are loads of you with a life like mine. But every body's life is special, just like every body's birth is so individually different and special.
I tell my story about my life that is beautiful and individual even though it has it's sadness and devastation. I am always aware on my journey through life that God's beautiful Earth surrounds my every moment of my travels and I share that with you even in my moment's of pain. I laugh at myself in places and I know you will laugh too at similar things you did in your life too.
jean xx
Wednesday 24 June 2015
I'm always in trouble!
It's true.
I've spent a lot of my life being in trouble for some impulsive act or another (all legal) which seemed like a good idea at the time.
To be honest, I've always been happy enough with my impulsive act of choice at the time and they mostly had good out comes, (apart from the one where I walked 'The Burragh Mountains', Fenore County Clare in a heavy fog and got lost for four hours! Or the one where I decided to walk home from the 'Mall in Naples, Florida' when I was 20, only to realize after walking for over three hours that I was on The Tamiami Trail and I was heading for Miami and I was lost!)
Yes, I have lived to tell the tale. But why haven't I learned from the mistakes I have made?
I know when I am making a decision to do something at the time, my inner voice says, 'It'll be ok' but where is my cautious voice saying 'Wait a minute, think this through'. That normally arrives afterwards saying 'Oops, you shouldn't have done that!'
Because my decision inevitably effects someone else's pocket (my husband's) and they may not like my decision at the time and then I get into trouble. And I carry a lot of guilt, believe me.
And in a follow up from my last blog 'The cost of Living', limited finances prevents us in being free to make a lot of decisions.
As a very hard worker all my life, I guess I spent more than I earned. That is the reason that my own bank just meets it's needs, not it's luxuries.
So after my break down a couple of years ago, maybe I could've just sat there at 45 years of age and said, 'Ok, that's me done. I have tried and not succeeded in being successful.'
But my little girl, Yasmin, with her challenges was working hard, learning to read, spell and count and she inspired me to get up and try again.
So although I am still making mistakes and getting into trouble, I have come a long way in other areas and I have learned a lot from life.
But life is a continuos challenging road. And I still have lots to learn. I guess if it was all so simple, it would be boring?
I'm so sorry. My intention is not to upset anyone in the process of me living!
I am not perfect. I am only human and I make mistakes, but my heart is in the right place.
xx Jean
I've spent a lot of my life being in trouble for some impulsive act or another (all legal) which seemed like a good idea at the time.
To be honest, I've always been happy enough with my impulsive act of choice at the time and they mostly had good out comes, (apart from the one where I walked 'The Burragh Mountains', Fenore County Clare in a heavy fog and got lost for four hours! Or the one where I decided to walk home from the 'Mall in Naples, Florida' when I was 20, only to realize after walking for over three hours that I was on The Tamiami Trail and I was heading for Miami and I was lost!)
Yes, I have lived to tell the tale. But why haven't I learned from the mistakes I have made?
I know when I am making a decision to do something at the time, my inner voice says, 'It'll be ok' but where is my cautious voice saying 'Wait a minute, think this through'. That normally arrives afterwards saying 'Oops, you shouldn't have done that!'
Because my decision inevitably effects someone else's pocket (my husband's) and they may not like my decision at the time and then I get into trouble. And I carry a lot of guilt, believe me.
And in a follow up from my last blog 'The cost of Living', limited finances prevents us in being free to make a lot of decisions.
As a very hard worker all my life, I guess I spent more than I earned. That is the reason that my own bank just meets it's needs, not it's luxuries.
So after my break down a couple of years ago, maybe I could've just sat there at 45 years of age and said, 'Ok, that's me done. I have tried and not succeeded in being successful.'
But my little girl, Yasmin, with her challenges was working hard, learning to read, spell and count and she inspired me to get up and try again.
So although I am still making mistakes and getting into trouble, I have come a long way in other areas and I have learned a lot from life.
But life is a continuos challenging road. And I still have lots to learn. I guess if it was all so simple, it would be boring?
I'm so sorry. My intention is not to upset anyone in the process of me living!
I am not perfect. I am only human and I make mistakes, but my heart is in the right place.
xx Jean
The cost of Living
Ok, you do not need money to be happy in life. Self happiness comes from within. But unfortunately, you do need money to do everything else in life. Like basic education.
Some people have a gift of working hard and earning a living even without an education. Like my husband. He learned a roofing trade at age 14. But he used his basic counting skills to earn money. And he didn't spend what he didn't have.
I also chose a trade in hairdressing when I left school in 1982 because I thought I was good at styling hair. I was, but a hairdressing trade didn't provide a good income (It was 40 Irish pounds then for an apprenticeship) and I had to work double the average working week to just meet my financial needs, doing friends and families hairs late into my nights to earn a little more money. And I got used to never having enough money. I was fine. I didn't judge others for what they had. I was prepared to work hard for the things I needed.
If myself and my husband had to live on my income only, we would never have been able to provide for our children's educational needs or the sports they chose, or nice holidays, even a basic mortgage.
Today in Ireland, there are still an enormous amount of Irish people on lower incomes, still struggling to provide for their childrens' needs. Some because of the effects of the recent recession (2007) and some because they live on social welfare.
The people in Ireland who live on social welfare are there because of the lack of educational and emotional help when they were children of indeed the last recession in the late 70's.
The Irish people, even in so called dysfunctional families, now realize that education is the key for their children's future. It's the link for them to be able to move away from poverty and repression and earn a higher income.
Education was always the key to a more prosperous life. We ordinary people of Ireland are only catching on to this now, but our governments knew this, even in the past decades. They left the poor were they were, just providing for their basic needs.
I'm not blaming our governments for everything. I believe if you can provide for your childrens' health and education, it is your right and duty to ensure that duty of care.
If people are on social welfare, due to disability, lack of education and dysfunction, well thats where the government needs to target their resources. they are entitled to educate their poor, meet their emotional needs. We all know the outcome will be better in the long run.
Before my 40's, I had little confidence in myself and I knew that education was the key to my freedom. As I grew emotionally, I felt that God led me on the path of writing.
Now at last, I feel that I'm on the road I should be. I love sharing my experiences and life lessons and I work hard every day writing and promoting what I write. Jean Murray.xx
Some people have a gift of working hard and earning a living even without an education. Like my husband. He learned a roofing trade at age 14. But he used his basic counting skills to earn money. And he didn't spend what he didn't have.
I also chose a trade in hairdressing when I left school in 1982 because I thought I was good at styling hair. I was, but a hairdressing trade didn't provide a good income (It was 40 Irish pounds then for an apprenticeship) and I had to work double the average working week to just meet my financial needs, doing friends and families hairs late into my nights to earn a little more money. And I got used to never having enough money. I was fine. I didn't judge others for what they had. I was prepared to work hard for the things I needed.
If myself and my husband had to live on my income only, we would never have been able to provide for our children's educational needs or the sports they chose, or nice holidays, even a basic mortgage.
Today in Ireland, there are still an enormous amount of Irish people on lower incomes, still struggling to provide for their childrens' needs. Some because of the effects of the recent recession (2007) and some because they live on social welfare.
The people in Ireland who live on social welfare are there because of the lack of educational and emotional help when they were children of indeed the last recession in the late 70's.
The Irish people, even in so called dysfunctional families, now realize that education is the key for their children's future. It's the link for them to be able to move away from poverty and repression and earn a higher income.
Education was always the key to a more prosperous life. We ordinary people of Ireland are only catching on to this now, but our governments knew this, even in the past decades. They left the poor were they were, just providing for their basic needs.
I'm not blaming our governments for everything. I believe if you can provide for your childrens' health and education, it is your right and duty to ensure that duty of care.
If people are on social welfare, due to disability, lack of education and dysfunction, well thats where the government needs to target their resources. they are entitled to educate their poor, meet their emotional needs. We all know the outcome will be better in the long run.
Before my 40's, I had little confidence in myself and I knew that education was the key to my freedom. As I grew emotionally, I felt that God led me on the path of writing.
Now at last, I feel that I'm on the road I should be. I love sharing my experiences and life lessons and I work hard every day writing and promoting what I write. Jean Murray.xx
Sunday 21 June 2015
Young people of Ireland!
'Young People of Ireland!' I remember Pope John Paul saying these words to the one million Irish people who had turned up to hear him speak in the Pheonix Park, Dublin. It was at the end of September in 1979 and I was twelve years of age. I am so happy and proud that my Mam and Dad woke us six girls up at 3am in the morning so that we could go and walk to the Pheonix park with the hundreds of our neighbours to see our Pope and hear his inspiring words. He was a wonderful man. He had great kindness and compassion. He gave us Hope.
As I think about The Berkley kids who lost their lives through a freak and tragic incident and those who are severely injured and those who are emotionally injured. Their Mothers, Fathers, Sisters and Brothers broken.
How those Mothers would beg God to change places with their kids, in an instant they would go. They would gladly wish for time to go back for just one week and then it would be all ok......
That they don't have to live in this heart breaking sorrow and severe agony of their loss.
These were our 'Young People of Ireland'. The examples of what our great country has to offer. These fun loving, hard working kids, who had the gift of the Irish gab. We were so proud to see them go off to the great America, where their ancestors went before them.
Ireland has grown so much in the last few decades and we are learning to get it right. We love our kids so much. We love to see them educated. We love to see them beautiful. We love to see them travel. We love to see them carry on the Irish banter that only the Irish do so well. And they were so loved the short time they were there, because they were wonderful kids. They were full of chat with their irish accents that the Americans love so well. These handsome rugged lads and the pretty colleens.
And now they are gone to God. And we are not ready. . how can a parent be ready for this?
Can we at least reassure you parents that your children went instantly and felt no pain. That's a small comfort maybe?
And that they are with God and maybe some past relatives? And maybe after they too get used to Heaven without their Mam's and Dad's and sisters and brothers and their friends, they will settle in and enjoy their new J1 Visa in Heaven?
And Pope John Paul gave us Hope. And Hope is all we have.
We Hope that your pain will lesson in time and we Hope that you will see your dearest children again.
Jean Murray.
As I think about The Berkley kids who lost their lives through a freak and tragic incident and those who are severely injured and those who are emotionally injured. Their Mothers, Fathers, Sisters and Brothers broken.
How those Mothers would beg God to change places with their kids, in an instant they would go. They would gladly wish for time to go back for just one week and then it would be all ok......
That they don't have to live in this heart breaking sorrow and severe agony of their loss.
These were our 'Young People of Ireland'. The examples of what our great country has to offer. These fun loving, hard working kids, who had the gift of the Irish gab. We were so proud to see them go off to the great America, where their ancestors went before them.
Ireland has grown so much in the last few decades and we are learning to get it right. We love our kids so much. We love to see them educated. We love to see them beautiful. We love to see them travel. We love to see them carry on the Irish banter that only the Irish do so well. And they were so loved the short time they were there, because they were wonderful kids. They were full of chat with their irish accents that the Americans love so well. These handsome rugged lads and the pretty colleens.
And now they are gone to God. And we are not ready. . how can a parent be ready for this?
Can we at least reassure you parents that your children went instantly and felt no pain. That's a small comfort maybe?
And that they are with God and maybe some past relatives? And maybe after they too get used to Heaven without their Mam's and Dad's and sisters and brothers and their friends, they will settle in and enjoy their new J1 Visa in Heaven?
And Pope John Paul gave us Hope. And Hope is all we have.
We Hope that your pain will lesson in time and we Hope that you will see your dearest children again.
Jean Murray.
Thursday 18 June 2015
Going for it!
So, I'm finally having a little book launch today for 'My Beautiful Flower' in 'Forever Amber' book shop in Ratoath at 12 o Clock.
As a person who doesn't like attention focused on to herself, (really, I don't) This is a bit nerve racking. It's a personal story, so I'm putting myself out there, but I'm not looking for adulation or pity. I learned from a lot of mistakes in my life and shared them with you all so that you can see there is light at the end of a tunnel. And there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
But I do have a goal, so I have to do this. I feel that my path is to be a writer and I am excited about 'Madhead the Crazy Horse' coming in the autumn. Sarah has done a great job on the illustrations and I know that kids will love this book!
And I'm excited about my crime story 'Shame so Deep', (not edited yet)
A lover of reading all my life, I couldn't believe that I would be capable of writing one! Until I started!
It just shows that anyone of us can do anything as long as we believe in it.
Thanks your instinct.
That's your guidance from God.
As a person who doesn't like attention focused on to herself, (really, I don't) This is a bit nerve racking. It's a personal story, so I'm putting myself out there, but I'm not looking for adulation or pity. I learned from a lot of mistakes in my life and shared them with you all so that you can see there is light at the end of a tunnel. And there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
But I do have a goal, so I have to do this. I feel that my path is to be a writer and I am excited about 'Madhead the Crazy Horse' coming in the autumn. Sarah has done a great job on the illustrations and I know that kids will love this book!
And I'm excited about my crime story 'Shame so Deep', (not edited yet)
A lover of reading all my life, I couldn't believe that I would be capable of writing one! Until I started!
It just shows that anyone of us can do anything as long as we believe in it.
Thanks your instinct.
That's your guidance from God.
Wednesday 17 June 2015
Me poor Ma!
My poor Ma has broken her ankle. So she has to rest and not walk on it. At 74, my Ma is very independent and doesn't like to sit still. It was decided among us sisters that would go and stay in our Christine's to rest. This was going to be a challenge for her!
To save her from boredom, I decided to bring her out for a little treat today and get her hair done. As she's on a walking frame and has to keep the leg up, she has to hop on her good leg and she's not a great hopper! Also her dog Shaggy has separation anxiety so he had to come along in the car. The point being, we couldn't go too far from the car to the shop, (so that Shaggy could see her!) nor, could we go anywhere with an upstairs.
It was all going grand, as we went to Altered Images Hair Salon in Ratoath and the girl looked after Mammy and Ma enjoyed the banter.
I decided to finish the morning off with a bit of lunch in Cork's in Ashbourne. (Which is delicious)
As they are building again in Ashbourne and doing road works (a very common affair in Ireland) there was no parking to be got anywhere.
I had to drop Mammy on the corner, help her onto the bench and quickly move on from the impatient traffic behind me. I had no option but to park on the grass verge across the street.
Shaggy ran out of the car looking for Mammy and after a stressful chase, I got him back into the car. I left the window open for him and he was able to see Mammy across the road.
Next of all a rude obnoxious man decided to shout out from his car window, 'Do you know you're not supposed to park there?' As I tried to explain about the mammy and the dog, he was still giving out!
He went off to report me to the Garda, really! He saw my poor Ma struggling on her walking frame, he knew I had a good reason to park where I was, but the cranky old so and so (He was about 60, I'm sure it won't be too long till he finds himself in a similar situation) had no sympathy, nor respect for my 74 year old Mother.
The lovely Garda came down to me and he could see my Mother's circumstances and indeed my dillema and thankfully had no grievance with me.
Thankfully, there are not too many cranky people in the world!
To save her from boredom, I decided to bring her out for a little treat today and get her hair done. As she's on a walking frame and has to keep the leg up, she has to hop on her good leg and she's not a great hopper! Also her dog Shaggy has separation anxiety so he had to come along in the car. The point being, we couldn't go too far from the car to the shop, (so that Shaggy could see her!) nor, could we go anywhere with an upstairs.
It was all going grand, as we went to Altered Images Hair Salon in Ratoath and the girl looked after Mammy and Ma enjoyed the banter.
I decided to finish the morning off with a bit of lunch in Cork's in Ashbourne. (Which is delicious)
As they are building again in Ashbourne and doing road works (a very common affair in Ireland) there was no parking to be got anywhere.
I had to drop Mammy on the corner, help her onto the bench and quickly move on from the impatient traffic behind me. I had no option but to park on the grass verge across the street.
Shaggy ran out of the car looking for Mammy and after a stressful chase, I got him back into the car. I left the window open for him and he was able to see Mammy across the road.
Next of all a rude obnoxious man decided to shout out from his car window, 'Do you know you're not supposed to park there?' As I tried to explain about the mammy and the dog, he was still giving out!
He went off to report me to the Garda, really! He saw my poor Ma struggling on her walking frame, he knew I had a good reason to park where I was, but the cranky old so and so (He was about 60, I'm sure it won't be too long till he finds himself in a similar situation) had no sympathy, nor respect for my 74 year old Mother.
The lovely Garda came down to me and he could see my Mother's circumstances and indeed my dillema and thankfully had no grievance with me.
Thankfully, there are not too many cranky people in the world!
Monday 15 June 2015
The days of our Struggles!
As an owner of a construction company, this last recession hit us with a bang! It began in 2007 when the huge construction firms stopped paying the little contractors like my husband! The business suffered huge losses and struggled to survive.
Many of our close friends and business friends lost their business, their homes and some their marriages and some their lives. My husband's company went from 60 to 6 employees and somehow they managed to keep going. I say they, because it was because of his original 6 dedicated employees and our family members that helped keep Custom Crew Construction LTD going. And of course, my husband's good maths head!
I tried to help as much as I could and decided to sell some of our un needed clutter around my home. This is what I wrote at the time and shows the funny side of our struggles!
Fairyhouse Market!
We packed up all our treasures
and loaded up the truck,
We piled on layers of clothing
and wellies for the muck!
We hung up our Lipsy dresses
that once graced the fancy clubs
and lined up our red soled shoes
our Carvella's and our Uggs!
Oh we loved the banter of the markets
And we gave it back as good!
Who knew that market selling
was lying waiting in our blood?
We had our sambo's ready
and hot steaming flasks of tea,
we had to take our turns running for a wee!
We watched our designer handbags get picked up with delight,
Gucci, Armani, Guess and Juicy
that held great memories of great nights!
The euros were mounting up
as our rails were emptying fast!
Our play stations, D S's. and DVD's
staying till the last!
I'm proud of those 5am Sunday mornings
in the rain, sleet, snow and sun,
as Christine and I stayed twelve long hours
till everything was gone!
This last recession was tough and unfair
It savaged and destroyed,
but it reminded us of forgotten values
as more became unemployed.
Laughter and friendship gathered in that Market,
neighbours, posh, poor, sisters and brothers,
all the same, all united, with the same goals,
but like the old Irish that wealth forgot, were now back helping others!
by Jean Murray
Many of our close friends and business friends lost their business, their homes and some their marriages and some their lives. My husband's company went from 60 to 6 employees and somehow they managed to keep going. I say they, because it was because of his original 6 dedicated employees and our family members that helped keep Custom Crew Construction LTD going. And of course, my husband's good maths head!
I tried to help as much as I could and decided to sell some of our un needed clutter around my home. This is what I wrote at the time and shows the funny side of our struggles!
Fairyhouse Market!
We packed up all our treasures
and loaded up the truck,
We piled on layers of clothing
and wellies for the muck!
We hung up our Lipsy dresses
that once graced the fancy clubs
and lined up our red soled shoes
our Carvella's and our Uggs!
Oh we loved the banter of the markets
And we gave it back as good!
Who knew that market selling
was lying waiting in our blood?
We had our sambo's ready
and hot steaming flasks of tea,
we had to take our turns running for a wee!
We watched our designer handbags get picked up with delight,
Gucci, Armani, Guess and Juicy
that held great memories of great nights!
The euros were mounting up
as our rails were emptying fast!
Our play stations, D S's. and DVD's
staying till the last!
I'm proud of those 5am Sunday mornings
in the rain, sleet, snow and sun,
as Christine and I stayed twelve long hours
till everything was gone!
This last recession was tough and unfair
It savaged and destroyed,
but it reminded us of forgotten values
as more became unemployed.
Laughter and friendship gathered in that Market,
neighbours, posh, poor, sisters and brothers,
all the same, all united, with the same goals,
but like the old Irish that wealth forgot, were now back helping others!
by Jean Murray
Thursday 11 June 2015
lessons learnt!
As a Mother, you make a few mistakes when things aren't going well for your little angels. I did it at least once with each of my children. Not mildly. With guns blazing. You think I would've learned after the first quite torturous incident. No, not me.
I was reminded of one such outburst when I signed Yasmin up for the Ward Union Pony Club.
Now, if anybody is reading this from the Ward Union, (especially the DC Katy at the time) I do apologize now for my interference and for the show I made of myself all those years ago! I am in a much better place these days!
The thing is, there are things that you do at a time and I guess it's not a problem, because you're probably not going to bump into the same people again. Until you do! When your next child is dying to be in the Ward Union Pony Club!
Let me explain; My little angel Sarah (now 19) was in the Ward Union Pony Club for three years when she was about ten. To be honest, it's a great club, where lots of experienced riders give up their free time and their land to teach these kids eventing.
There's a grand finale with a full week's pony camp in the posh riding stables at Tattersalls where the kids have a fantastic week of eventing. They also get their grade in pony and stable management.
Each year when the prizes where being given out, (it was a grand ceremony) I waited for my little angel to get hers, but she didn't. And then the next year. And she didn't.
And then on her last year, (she had decided that show jumping was for her), that she was leaving the pony club, she never got that prize.
Oh you know what's coming. I felt her loss. All the other kids were getting pony rugs and feed and lots of stuff in prizes. And she got nothing.
So like any decent Mother would do, I complained! I complained to every member on the board in my self righteous tone! How they were doing it so wrong. Why can't every child get a prize? I told them what I thought of their unfairly run club!
Mmmm..... Six years later and I'm back and when I see the familiar faces again, it suddenly dawns on me. Ouch!
I think that God is leaving me here on this Earth for a few more years because I still have many people I have to apologize to!
I was reminded of one such outburst when I signed Yasmin up for the Ward Union Pony Club.
Now, if anybody is reading this from the Ward Union, (especially the DC Katy at the time) I do apologize now for my interference and for the show I made of myself all those years ago! I am in a much better place these days!
The thing is, there are things that you do at a time and I guess it's not a problem, because you're probably not going to bump into the same people again. Until you do! When your next child is dying to be in the Ward Union Pony Club!
Let me explain; My little angel Sarah (now 19) was in the Ward Union Pony Club for three years when she was about ten. To be honest, it's a great club, where lots of experienced riders give up their free time and their land to teach these kids eventing.
There's a grand finale with a full week's pony camp in the posh riding stables at Tattersalls where the kids have a fantastic week of eventing. They also get their grade in pony and stable management.
Each year when the prizes where being given out, (it was a grand ceremony) I waited for my little angel to get hers, but she didn't. And then the next year. And she didn't.
And then on her last year, (she had decided that show jumping was for her), that she was leaving the pony club, she never got that prize.
Oh you know what's coming. I felt her loss. All the other kids were getting pony rugs and feed and lots of stuff in prizes. And she got nothing.
So like any decent Mother would do, I complained! I complained to every member on the board in my self righteous tone! How they were doing it so wrong. Why can't every child get a prize? I told them what I thought of their unfairly run club!
Mmmm..... Six years later and I'm back and when I see the familiar faces again, it suddenly dawns on me. Ouch!
I think that God is leaving me here on this Earth for a few more years because I still have many people I have to apologize to!
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